A
female
age
30-35,
*aybaybay_x
writes:My boyfriend requested time apart. He said we're arguing too much. He doesn't want to end things, he wants to re-evaluate everything and he wants to be with me. I asked him not to string me along if he knows it's over, but he said he doesn't know. He said its not a negative thing so I shouldn't be upset. He said he's always happy around me but I push his buttons sometimes plus he's stressed generally with uni. He wants space for a 'solid month'. He cried when we were talking and I've never seen him cry, he's quite the tough guy. We agreed that we can still contact each other, no other people, and no meet ups. He said he doesn't want anything to fester, we will keep clashing and we will butt heads again if we try to force it together after all these fights. I know it's my fault, I do interrogate him a lot but I realised it's harming us more than bettering. I told him that things will be different and honestly now I know its not worth it. But I don't know if its enough. That's why I'm scared he won't come back. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (16 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionExactly, thank you for that because I just woke up one morning feeling off.
And thinking exactly what you just said 'he must feel like a king having me waiting around, I cant do this anymore'
'Low and behold. I already feel like I'm over it.
That month definately did me some justice lol.
I feel so much better &alive now.
Him asking me to be civil, I just think he thinks so much of himself that he thought I'd still wait around and want him to know everything that goes on in my life so he can give me his attention.
I have another life motto.
You either have all of me or none.
He made his choice, none of this civil talk.
He knows good &well by my actions alone he needs to be straight and know what he wants before he comes to me.
I hope he also learns a lesson from this.
It took a while but I'm tired of waiting. As HE always used to say. Life is short.
Thank all of you again x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2015): well ive been thinking about you because i felt so sad to think that some self appreciating boyfriend could try to make you miserable for a month which is a rotten trick and then he tries to pull the "cant we be civil line" just because you dumped him first and he put himself in d prime position to mess up your bank holiday weekend with his final "verdict" . You didnt go through all that hard work to have some jack ass guy putting you on hold for a month so he could have d upper hand..you deserve to be happy and live without mixed messages.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 May 2015):
 Again, I wouldn't wonder about his motives. WHO cares! That needs to be your attitude.
Cutting the contact is a good idea. No need to keep people in your life who doesn't BRING positive things or good friendship - I don't really think he can offer either, so LET him go.
If you don't want to talk to him, SO be it. He'll get over it eventually... If not.. again.. WHO cares!
YOU OWE HIM SQUAT.
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (15 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLol you sound like my mum anon. Are you Jamaican? This has made me appreciate everyone in my life so much. I had a relationship similar to this one and it made me feel so rotten. Now I'm older, I know I'm a good person and I will do better. He has taught me and retaught me a whole lot, thats for sure.
Quick question though.
He messaged me today first he said "my name" then i said yes? He said are you alright? I said yeah.. He said then why did you delete me off snapchat? I said didn't want to drag thing on? He said can't we be civil? I said deleting you doesn't mean we can't be&I don't know if i'm ready for that right now. To which he just said "alright"
I'm just wondering why after stringing me along he still feels like I owe him something and its not out of bitterness. I go to uni with the guy. Summers coming and this is how i get over break ups. Cut all access and get myself something cute& look cute too lol.
I get over people very quickly and he knows this. Perhaps that's why?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2015): smart cookie , you dont want to be hanging around while he plays you off a bit..youre at uni and you have plenty to offer the world.. Make yourself a little motto that from now on you are not taking d blame when it doesnt work out..after all it takes two to tango and he will not be the only guy to be interested in you. Stay motivated ..when it comes to leaving those grades count so keep up with all your course work and dont condescend to phone him also dont get drunk and cry all night because you will be scaring off your new romances..or hopefully you'll meet the One and plan a life together that includes holidays and life after uni..meanwhile dye your hair, cut it, lock it, or anything you like and say bye , bye lover boy....me out to find a proper man.x
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 May 2015):
 Amen to what Honeypie said.
I don't know why people think that if you fight all the time you are living a passionate romantic story and this is a sign of great love to be regretted.
It's just a sign of not being compatible and tryng to make a square peg fit into a round hole because of lust and starry eyed expectations.
It's not that you weren't good enough for him- it's that you were not good for each other, period. You haven't lost that much, seen that you weren't the right fit for each other, and you haven't lost that much " rime " seeing that you are stil under 25 i.e. very young. Chin up !
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2015):
I think you need to TRY and look as this as, WE weren't that great of a fit, instead of thinking I WASN'T GOOD enough.
People who fight a lot are usually not a great fit. Some people presume that fighting is a sign of passion and deep feelings but I don't believe that. To me it's a sign of crappy communication and not enough common ground.
Of you are going to look back on this relationship, don't do it to torture yourself, but look and see what YOU can improve on for next time. Figure out why you two argued so much, and then NEXT time do better.
Don't beat yourself up. There is no point to it.
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (14 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe saddest thing is I'm really annoyed with myself.
All he really said was "I dont want you to stress, so if you can't wait perhaps its for the best. "
Its been long enough, its turned from "because of arguments" to "i dunno if i want a relationship"
Will he know on the 25th (the time limit) I doubt it.
And he said he didn't know either. So I decided to put myself out of my misery.
I just wish I didn't waste all this time getting attached to someone &going through all of this only for him to be unsure.
My best obviously wasnt good enough. Even though he says its nothing personal.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 May 2015):
Good for you OP.
Just know that it was HIS loss, and move on.
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (14 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAn update.
First of all I'd like to thank those who helped me.
I ended it.
Everytime I'd talk to him he'd say oh I dunno if I want a relationship right now, too demanding. But he still expected me to wait around and be there when he wanted to remember the good times.
So I just said, if you don't know, you'll never know. Lets just end things here.
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (12 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. Its getting to that point now where I am okay either way...
I will definately untilise the facilities at uni.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2015): Everyone gets hurt all the time and to be honest it is no big
deal. I am just old enough to understand a few things and usually a request for time apart is,a kind way of ending it.As you are at uni you will make lots of new friends by joining some of the groups.I am sure you have much to offer so here's a coupla of suggestions..the entertainment committee or a political group or anything. Remember you went to uni to study and get a degree and have fun. I wish young women werent so hard on themselves when they have so much to offer..and i wisnh they didn't always take the blame when it goes wrong. Its good to be able to just shrug and say "well, we just werent getting on" whilst keeping an open mind about moving into another relationship with someoneelse
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (9 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLol we all go to the same uni....
Who hurt you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2015): well i think he's ending it slowly. He is unable to do any better. He presumably has been dating and having affairs with other women. Why do you even give him the time of day? Its not unlikely that he's been having an affair with your friend, the one he mentioned he'd seen. You need to get away from this immature male and try seeing your friend in a new light. Maybe you could make new friends and drop these two off, your life will tick along happily without him.Hurt his ego by ignoring his calls and keep your newz and views to yourself until you have better friends. Redesign yourself and leave them standing, wondering how you knew.
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (5 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. An update ...
He told me he missed me and I told him I missed him too and he completely diverted the conversation . Saying he saw a friend of mine..(I thought he came to a conclusion).
So I just told him we still had a few weeks left and so figure out everything & we can chat properly.
I almost feel like he's playing games with me now.
Starting to feel disheartened.
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female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (1 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTbh it was moreso my insecurites. I questioned him
A lot. On really stupid things. Anything i would think up when i wasnt with him. Because he's so laid back. I found myself kind of wanting a reaction/reassurance for how much he likes me. When it was really my insecurities (i realise that now).
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (1 May 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLiterally, he asked for space before. I gave it to him then I kind of picked bits of the fight and was asking him things. But IT
IS a habit of mine espesially with this relationship to want to know more cos he doesn't elaborate. He's quite quiet. Tonight however he msged me saying he missed me and he knew he would. Again, I don't know what to make of it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 April 2015):
 What are you arguing about, by the way? That might be helpful for the aunts here to know.
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (30 April 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNot at all. I was distraught when he asked for the time apart but maybe this is his way of showing he still cares... Perhaps he misses me. But it's upsetting me more than its helping...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 April 2015):
If he wants time apart, then it's time apart.
No small talk.
Are you a danger to yourself, is that why he could be worried?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (30 April 2015):
I'd tell him if he needs a break he needs to NOT contact you for that month. THAT way HE can figure out HOW important you are to him, OR not.
I think a lot of people make the mistake of having a "break" yet want things to not change TOO much. So he WANTS the GF the chat with, but not having to deal with the rest.
IF you two can agree on NOT dating anyone else, no sleeping with others, no kissing - but just a SIMPLE 1 months break then TAKE that break. THAT would (for me at least include NO contact).
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A
female
reader, Kaybaybay_x +, writes (30 April 2015):
Kaybaybay_x is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHow do I deal with the small talk . He says he's checking up on me ... It's very sweet but I just want him to say he misses me and he wants me back :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2015): Give it him.
Otherwise, who is to say that if you don't agree to this, he won't end things for real?
You can't force people to love you. If you want to see if somebody loves you-set them free. If they come back :-)
If the don't- it wasn't meant to be anyway.
I seriously think that if my bf would have given me the time I needed (and I'd say I'd have preferred a solid 3 months rather than just a month, in my case) things would not have ended the way they did...
THINK of it this way-if it works out and he's the one/you're the one, what's 1 month's signficance in a possible 25-30 year long (or,god willing more) commitment?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 April 2015):
Give him that month. TAKE that month and work on yourself. You say that you DO interrogate him a LOT and you know it's wrong.. so you NEED to find ways to STOP doing that.
You say you TOLD him things will be different, HE isn't sure about that. And he is right.
GIVE him the space. IF he after a months decide to GIVE you two another chance, THEN show him that you are aware of YOUR parts in the fights and trouble and that you are WILLING to work on that.
Normally, I say a relationship that "needs" breaks are doomed not not work. Usually because being do "dumb" stuff during the break or because things really don't change. But for some I do think a break can HELP both parties see what they have and how to fix problems.
He may decide after a month that he prefers his peace and quiet and there is NOTHING you can do about that. But not, giving him the break.. you might be a break up instead.
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