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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend of 3.5 years is considering applying for jobs interstate. He may be lucky to find a job where we currently are (his current one will be ending soon) but i would say it is 50/50. I know it isn't actually happening yet but we need to be on the same page if it does etc.If he is offered a job interstate he will accept and he is expecting me to move with him. For me this is hard. I have a very good job and it pays extremely well. I may not be guaranteed to even find a job over there. The job market isn't that great. I have a house and a mortgage. I also have pets. The other problem is that if he gets a job interstate, it is very likely they are only for a year or 2, not permanent. On a side note, He also has never been honest (always dodges the question) when the topic of babies/marriage comes up, so for me, (even after all this time i do not know his views on it) this is a big risk, even though i love him. Any outside opinions would be great. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): I'm trying to put myself in the place of your boyfriend but am finding it impossible. This is one totally self-centred person who cares not one whit for anyone but himself. If I were you I'd send him packing with a flea in his ear.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Here's my brotherly advice:
1. IF you are not MARRIED to this guy, then DON'T move to someplace else on HIS behalf. If HE wants you to "tag along" then HE has to be sufficiently COMMITTED to you to put a ring on your finger.... YOU are NOT his "tart" who will follow him any- and every-where!!!!
2. Look at what happens to the TWO of you, if HE goes and YOU follow: YOU have to give up: 1. your JOB, 2. your HOUSE, 3. your FRIENDS and SURROUNDINGS.... Sounds like HE gets the best of this deal...
I think you should tell him to take that job ... THEN, if he REALLY misses you... he can come back, marry you, and expect you to move to be with him, then....
Too many women fall in to the trap of believing that men REALLY love them and will provide for them.... when - really - men are primarily interested in women providing us with s*xual satisfaction.... and housework and cooking... and not much more. WE - on the other hand - expect that YOU (women) will be SO HAPPY to have us, that you'll sell your soul to take part in our little charade.
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 August 2012):
 "Babe, when you are ready to talk seriously about the future, as in marriage and children, I will be ready to consider discussing moving away. Until we have a mutual understanding of what the other's wishes, dreams and plans are for that nebulous thing called the 'Future,' I'm not uprooting myself any moving for a semi-permanent situation. That just doesn't make good sense to me.
"I'll miss you if you move but you do what you need to do. Just as I am going to do what I need to do."
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 August 2012):
 Well you know the answer, right? Of course you shouldn't move and you know it yourself. You haven't stated even one positive thing about your relationship and that reflects how you feel about it at this point of time.
Think hard before you take a decision, moving somewhere else and starting a new life all over again is one of the most difficult things in the world. What if your relationship doesnt work out in the future? You say your boyfriend isn't even that honest, how then are you thinking of dropping your life and moving away with him? Is love enough to put everything that you have, at stake? Think about it and dont do anything that you will regret. You can always have an LDR and if he wants then he can commit to you and take the initiative of trying to make things work, instead of you having to move for him.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (8 August 2012):
Well you know the answer, right? Of course you shouldn't move and you know it yourself. You haven't stated even one positive thing about your relationship and that reflects how you feel about it at this point of time.
Think hard before you take a decision, moving somewhere else and starting a new life all over again is one of the most difficult things in the world. What if your relationship doesnt work out in the future? You say your boyfriend isn't even that honest, how then are you thinking of dropping your life and moving away with him? Is love enough to put everything that you have, at stake? Think about it and dont do anything that you will regret. You can always have an LDR and if he wants then he can commit to you and take the initiative of trying to make things work, instead of you having to move for him.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (8 August 2012):
 My advice to you is don't move.
As others have pointed out, if his job is only for a couple of years or less; plus you say he's never been honest with you and dodges the question of maybe offering you marriage.
Giving up your house, your job, with not much prospect of finding another in the area where he'll be - no, it's not worth your sacrificing so much!
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A
female
reader, felsbels  +, writes (8 August 2012):
It doesn't seem like a good idea to leave the life you've made for yourself, for someone who wont give you a straight answer about your future together.
Maybe try long distance first?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 August 2012):
 sounds to me like you do not want to move.
a year or two of LDR is workable if both people are committed to the relationship.. if only one person wants it to work it won't.
Personally I'd not be moving for something that's only 1-2 years
I just finished an LDR with my fiance. He moved here to end the distance but he gave up his home, his job and everything as he knew it. and he's job hunting...since JANUARY it sucks... do NOT give up a job to move to be with someone you don't think is actually as committed to a relationship as you are.
BTW my friends who are together 2.5 years are getting married in September... he lives 100 miles away... they will live apart the first 2.5 years of their marriage so he can finish his job and retire....
folks do interesting things in love....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2012): I would not do that. Especially if it's just a boyfriend, especially if it's a boyfriend like that. I would maybe consider doing it for a husband, but for a boyfriend who gives you no guarantees wahtsoever... no! Don't do it! Try ang LDR and see what happens, distance can have the funniest effects on relationships. Good luck!
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (8 August 2012):
 From a practical point of view the answer seems obvious. You have a long term relationship with your house. You have a long term relationship with your job. You don't have a long term relationship with your boyfriend. You don't trust him enough to go with him because of his lack of commitment.
The only thing holding you back is your investment of 3.5 years in a man who still isn't ready to get married or have children. You love him but, does he love you enough?
FA
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 August 2012):
Maybe it's an option to keep it an LDR until you're sure you and him can build a future there. He's asking a lot of you and if it all goes sour so will your relationship and then you'll be left with nothing.
Talk to him frankly about this. Your concerns are valid ones and he'd be stupid if he expected you to just sweep everything aside without a second thought when you're not guaranteed security.
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