A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My b/f is always looking at videos on youtube. Most of the time he's watching how some guy does hot guitar licks. Sometimes he researches peddle effects and other equipment. But his youtube habit is becoming more and more frequent, sometimes he even gets up as early as 4:00 AM and surfs while I am still sleeping. Today while I was having an exceptionally hellious day at work, he calls to tell me about these hot female guitarists he's been watching, hoping I will want to learn some lead guitar parts. When I get home, I realize that on his day off he's done absolutely nothing all day. The smelly trash hasn't even been taken out. It's like he's freakin' obsessed with youtube. So I look at his history log, and find a bunch of video sites with very sexy women, doing music videos or whatever, wearing their bras and panties, and garterbelts and I'm starting to realize why he's always cruising youtube. Now he suddenly seems icnredibly insincere to me and no about of "I'm sorry's" or "I love only you's" seem to make me want to be with him anymore. Some people may think this is extreme, unjustified anger but I feel like I can't trust him at all. It's like now when we go out, I think he's looking at every beautiful woman in the room, picturing her naked and wondering what she'd be like in bed. I don't know how to get this mistrustful feeling out of my head!
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): PS: I think I can understand some of what you feel. I hate football with a passion, and I hate the fact that some men feel the need to watch it. Yes it irritates me, but what can we do. When guys watch football, I go off and look at sexy men on video, or paint my nails or find something more interesting to do. I'm sure we women have habits that men hate as well, relationships are hard work, but we just have to compromise. I mean, how can I guy prefer looking at football rather than spending time with me... Don't understand it at all.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): Sorry babes, for the way you are feeling. The problem is that it won't "blow up" in my face, because I'm actually pro-porn, and have no problem with men that want to look at naked women, women in panties and bra's or even women having sex. I'm sorry that you do, and that you feel that a man that dose these things can't be in love with you at all. Like you, I come from Britain, I'm very much aware that there are topless models all over the place. Our main newspaper "The sun" has had a naked model on page 3 for decades. For me, it is normal for some men to be interested in these things, and not a sign of boredom at all. If your guy says he loves you, if he treats you nice, if he is supportive, if he still kisses and cuddles you and shows everyone how proud he is to be with you, well these things to me are important, not some pictures of girls on video or a magazine. I notice that now you are even upset with other beautiful women that he might see. For me the problem lies with your insecurity and your jealous. Beautiful women are no threat to you, you may not have realised it, but there has always been beautiful naked women around him, but he has chosen to be with you and he has chosen to stay faithful to you. If women in underwear make you feel insecure, then you must feel like your living in hell when you turn on British TV.
Sorry babes, there are things in your relationship that trouble me. He should be sleeping next to you instead of staying awake watching Youtube. It's not nice if you are out working, and he doesn't clear up the mess. These things are not nice and you have every reason to feel angry and frustrated with him. Please have a talk with him again. As you say, he's a grown adult man, and you are not his mother, this should be an equal relationship. Tell him that you miss cuddling up to him at night, tell him to make sure that he dose simple chores before he starts to relax. Ask him what you both could do to make your relationship stronger. Maybe he dose have a fetish for women in underwear playing guitars. Maybe a good idea to spark up your relationship would be to get him a guitar, and learn to play it with him whilst you are wearing sexy clothes. If there are problems in your relationship it is always better to find workable solutions than just getting angry, resentful and upset. Blessings.
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A
male
reader, Beery +, writes (23 October 2008):
 Oh dear! Your boyfriend likes looking at women. Whatever shall we do?
Look, guys like women. We like looking at women and we like being with women. That's why your b/f and you got together in the first place! Trust me, your b/f's insecurity is only half of the problem - you have a healthy (or rather unhealthy) does of it yourself. Get over it. Then tell him he has to do his share of the cooking and cleaning. If he won't, leave the slug. If he does, let him look at or masturbate (that's probably what he's doing) to his cute women guitarists. I mean jeez - this is not a problem unless he keeps you up at night with it. If he does, buy him a set of headphones.
But mostly, chill out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you're missing the point DiovanLestat. He does whatever he wants to do. I'm not putting any restrictions on his surfing habits. I just don't happen to like what he's watching. And P.S. the music videos is just a front for what he's really been watching. Another point that just zoomed right over your head. He's an adult. He does what he does. I just feel like it's a sign of boredom when any man goes cruising for other women. If you're comfortable with your man getting off on other women, more power to you. You can post here when it blows up in your face and maybe you'll get it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): I don't know.. it seems that what he likes most of all may be the music. "Most of the time he's watching how some guy does hot guitar licks. Sometimes he researches peddle effects and other equipment." Ms anonymous original post....As I said it sounds sad to me that he can't enjoy his music any more.
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A
female
reader, lovejunkie  +, writes (12 October 2008):
 I'm sorry but I feel the need to respond to Diovan and Uncle Phil - Actually I don't think the poster said anything about refusing to allow her b/f to "entertain" himself with suggestive videos or other porn. I think what she's saying is that she finds it annoying that he feels the need to do this, and I feel annoyed by people who think this is okay. My theory has always been, when a man (or woman) is unhappy, unsatisifed, or somewhat "bored" with their current mate they will "dabble" in things like porn and chatrooms, and dating sites. I know because I've been there, done that. And when I start experimenting with external entertainment, it was a sign that something was missing from my relationship at home. I also know what it's like to be with someone I am totally into -- translation, no need to "dabble". I think this poster has a right to be upset and see it as a bad sign.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): Poor guy, he's been watching videos of music, and now he's not allowed to watch it anymore. I guess the lack of music is a small price to pay to keep a woman happy. I wish you good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to the last poster. You're the only one who actually made sense here. I guess we have all slipped into the age of excusing bad behavior and explaining it away as if it is a normal thing. I find this interesting, considering how many men write in about how they can't handle their girlfriend's "past" and they get so obsessed if their woman has had a past, or had a few casual sexual encounters before they met. Yet these same men obviously think nothing of jacking off at the sight of another woman's naked body and make no excuses for their lust. I think if more women starting fighting fire with fire, there would be less men watching porn, and more men keeping an eye on their woman. It seems like a violation of trust and infidelity in my opinion. But of course, every red-blooded man is going to defend it as natural and normal.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): regardless of what diovonlestat says , mens SHOULD be satisified with the bodies and sex from their partners.....to take that wonderful gift of love and then want to look elsewhere for sexual stimulation is EXTREMELY disrespectful....there is simply NO EXCUSE
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): PS: Your right Uncle Phil.. Men don't have affairs because they look at porn. But they do turn to other women when they are nagged and restricted at home.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): "I don't know how to get this mistrustful feeling out of my head!"
Gain more confidence in yourself and your attractiveness to him. A confident woman is a sexy woman, an insecure woman, who compares herself to other people, and feels she lacks something is no fun.
First you object to youtube, now it's women in the street. Where will all this insecurity and jealously end. Will you feel frightened if he goes to work, goes shopping. There are millions of women in the world, and a lot of them are prettier than me and you. You need to find some way to find peace with the way you look, and stop harassing your boyfriend for having eyes. The other alternative to stop your insecurity is to only go out with blind men. People look at other people all the time, but that doesn't mean that they will cheat.
Tell your guy how you feel, and ask him to reassure you that you are the woman he loves the best and the most important woman in the world, even if your not the prettiest.
PS: Nope you can't start thinking like a man, but you can stop thinking like a jealous, possessive, insecure, woman, who should know better. You present as aged 41-50 and currently living in the UK. I would think your old enough to realise that men look at pretty women all the time, and it means nothing to them. Let your guy be a man, likewise, it is impossible for him to turn into a woman and suddenly go blind.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): Has he seen this one? It's an absolute classic. If you find this disturbing or offensive or whatever, there's no hope for you.
Have the sound right up. Best viewed full-screen.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=F0U5JfGYx4c
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): I thought most women did that anyway. Sorry if you can't face or handle simple facts, but facts they are. You must have a very untrusting relationship to think he's doing any more than entertaining himself. It's harmless fun in his eyes.
Basically, no trust = no relationship, and if you don't want to be with him any more, leave him - along with all the dirty dishes in the sink and the rubbish still in the bin with his shirts unironed.
Because he imagines women naked etc. doesn't mean he's going to go chasing after them. However, if you make too much of a big deal of his normal behaviour, he just might, because if he gets fed up with you moaning at him he could start wondering if the grass on the other side of the fence might be a little greener. It seldom is, but he might try dipping his toes in the water.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): maybe its not youtube maye its redtube wer he watch some sex and scandal videos i think u should seduce him so that his interest will just rely on u ..have a real think sex with him
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A
female
reader, aware  +, writes (11 October 2008):
Not all men are like this but I've noticed most are. How sad, that you can serve this idiot and yet his eyes are wandering on another. The idiot does not deserve you. Maybe you should start looking at mens crotches and see how much he likes that. Give him a taste of his own medicine. Of course you arn't going to do this, but wouldn't you like to share the pain he deals out to you! I, too, had a good husband that never looked at other woman. I never new what I had until I marry a bozo! I wish I had a magic wand, but life is not so kind at times.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm sorry Mr. Phil what was I thinking?....Perhaps it's time for me to do a little nasty internet surfing on every hot, half-naked man I can find. Oh, and the next time I'm out with my guy, I'll make it a point to look at every hot guy in the room and picture him naked. How silly of me. I didn't know it was okay to do this. And by the way, if there are any fragile male egos out there, who can't handle the competition, sorry. It's just normal behavior. Thanks for your advise. My life will be much better and much different now. Because I can simply start behaving like a man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2008): You said "I think he's looking at every beautiful woman in the room, picturing her naked and wondering what she'd be like in bed."
In that case, he's a normal man. We all do that, maybe you just didn't realise it!
As for youtube at 4am, that's a bit extreme I must admit. I wonder if you could do me a favour though, and post the links to these videos where the women wear bras, panties and garterbelts? I must have missed them somewhere along the line.
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