A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 7 months. He just turned 19 and he goes to college 5 hours away. This isn’t a problem we started dating Way before he started college and he didn’t plan on picking a school that far away but we make it work. He comes home 1-2 a month and on holidays, however I feel like our relationship is going down hill. I love him of course but he lies to me a lot about little things. For Christmas he said he ordered very expensive presents for me but they haven’t gotten here yet and conveniently when they did get here he forgot to give them to me before he left again to go back to Florida. Another example he said he got me 50$ flowers but never gave them to me, when I caught him in a lie about it he said that his little cousin cut them up with scissors... that is of course a lie. He has ruined very important milestones in our relationship, for my birthday he claimed he made a video of pictures of us and also got me a necklace, whenever I asked to see it he said that his computer was in the shop after that he told me that it just wasn’t finished yet.. My birthday was in November, it is now January and I still have not received it, yesterday he tells me that he cannot find the file.. I don’t know what to do. It’s not really about the gifts it’s just the constant lying and then I’m forced to lie when someone asks “what did your boyfriend get you for Christmas or your birthday” it’s embarrassing.wheb I bring it up to him he gets angry and calls me a gold digger. How can I bring it up in a way that won’t upset him?
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (11 January 2019):
 Find someone closer in age and distance who won’t lie to you. You’ll think you’re mature enough, but you’re not and that’s how it should be. He’s at a different stage of his life to you and he’s lying to spare your feelings, when he just needs to be honest and break it off.You’re about to experience your first real break up and it will hurt, but you have your whole life ahead of you and you will move on. You either break up now, he ends it or he potentially cheats and you get hurt more.If a guy lies to you, you can’t trust him. Some lies can be forgiven and trust can be rebuilt, but this relationship isn’t worth it because of everything else. As for the gifts, don’t accept expensive gifts - he was lying about these, but it’s not good for teens to give or receive expensive gifts; the money is better spent on more useful things.OP, I’m sorry this guy is lying, but it shows it’s not going to work out and it’s best to break up. Don’t lie to others, just be honest. Relationships at your age (and his) don’t usually last and this is sadly one of them. Break up, allow the sadness, be single for 6 months or so, then only date guys closer to your age and location :)
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (10 January 2019):
 If he lies about mundane, pointless things then what kind of important stuff is he lying about?
Stop wasting your time on this guy. I’ll be very surprised if he’s not getting involved with other girls at college. You’d have no way of knowing being so far away. Find someone closer to home, this relationship is dead!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2019): For one thing you're too young for your boyfriend. He's lying to protect your sensitive feelings. He's on the spot, and doesn't know how to breakup a relationship with someone so young and sensitive. He knows if he broke-up before he left; you'd go to pieces, and your parents would be gunning for him.
He also knows he had no business starting a long-distance relationship with a kid your age; who puts her heart and soul into a relationship. You're not emotionally-equipped for a breakup; and so he tells you what you want to hear.
So now he purposely lies to you to break your trust. He knows it would be better if you broke-up with him; than for him to breakup with you. You wanted an older boyfriend. Now let's see how grown-up you really are!
FYI, he's away at college now. The relationship officially ended the day he left. You're just catching up!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 January 2019):
 Girl, I get that you love him and all, but this is a deal breaker. You can not change a person or make him stop lying!! He will always, aaalways do this to you. Always. Thats why its called a deal breaker. For now he lied about gifts. Next he will lie about more important things. When a man lies about the small stuff, it is a red flag that he is not boyfriend material. He lies for no reason other than lack of respect for you and lack of responsibility.
Dont try to change this, you can not. This type of lying is reason to dump him. Especially after he went attacking you and calling you a gold digger. You should dump him. There are plenty of men out there, dont waste your tears on a loser.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2019): It sounds like this guy is lying to get out of putting in real effort. Its also disturbing that it seems like he can make up lies so easily and get away with it. It shows a pattern of dishonesty. I suppose there's a (very) slim chance that he's not lying, but if it keeps up, I'd kick him to the curb.The cost of presents means nothing... I'm a little surprised by how much you mentioned the cost of gifts. If you talk that way with him, I could see why he might call you a gold digger.My partner and I were the same ages as you and your bf when we started dating. The first gift I gave her was for her birthday. It cost $1 and was 1 month late because I ordered it from the middle of nowhere. But to this day, she swears it is the best gift I've ever given her - and I have given her some fairly expensive gifts.If he's just disorganized and late giving gifts, maybe cut him some slack and give him a chance to pull his socks up. Any gift (no matter the cost) shows he cares about you and wants to make you happy. If he's a pathological lair who is being manipulative just to get out of being a good boyfriend, then kick him to the curb - he doesn't deserve you..
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (9 January 2019):
 Sweetheart, what are you getting from this relationship? You are young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Why are you wasting it on someone who shows you so little respect and treats you like an idiot, then turns it around to make it look like YOU are in the wrong? You deserve better.
In your shoes I would dump him and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you are dumping him because he treats you like an idiot and shows you no respect, and because you deserve so much better. Because that is the truth.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2019):
 1. you SAY it's not about the gifts, but you post contradict it. You don't bring any other examples of his lying except when it comes to presents. So yes, the presents DO matter to you. Don't lie to yourself. And it's OK to look forward to receiving a gift from someone you care about. There is NO shame in that.
2. Don't LIE yourself. If someone asks what he got you, TELL them nothing. And leave it at that. Because THAT is the truth. You LYING to cover up HIS lies.. doesn't make you "better" or him "better"... it just makes you... a LIAR too.
Now If he also lies about other things I really would reconsider this relationship, it's only been 7 months. I know that might seem like a LONG time at your age, but... you can either WASTE your time, energy, money and feelings on a guy who doesn't SEEM to take YOU OR the relationship all that seriously.
I don't really care WHY he lies. He is not even GOOD at it. Does he really think you are SO stupid you can't add 2+2 and reach 4?
He gets angry at you, and puts the "blame" on you with name calling... wow... how mature of him. What does that really mean? It means he takes NO responsibility for his actions, his words and deeds. HE wants you to be SATISFIED with the notion of "it's the thought that counts"! He wants you to just believe whatever he says and when push comes to shove... you should just ignore the FACTS.
OP, Dump him. Find a guy who doesn't live that far away and one who doesn't lie and then manipulate you.
The whole "gold-digger" thing.. it's a lot like gas-lighting you. Because when you call him out on his lies, YOU are the one who are in the WRONG. (according to him)
If my husband told me had bought me something special, I'd too be excited and look forward to that gift. Who wouldn't?! It's not about it being expensive, it REALLY it about the thought behind it. MY husband has the WORST taste in jewelry. Seriously. But I WEAR whatever he gives me, I am grateful for the thought and the present. I myself try and be THOUGHTFUL when giving gifts. I don't think it's ever about the price.
Your BF is trying to make HIMSELF look good with all these "fantasy gifts". But all it really does is make you doubt him, distrust him and realize that he is a LIAR.
This is not going to change. He might get "better" at lying but I don't think he will ever stop. Because it STILL works for him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 January 2019):
 You shouldn't have to lie to your family and friends about your boyfriend. If they really care about you they will feel bad and suggest you to dump your liar boyfriend. If it's about money, there are lots of gifts that require little money. You don't have to stay with him to prove you are not a gold digger. I would say the relationship ran its course and he had no motivation to go on to maintain it long distance one.
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