A
female
age
30-35,
*urplestar
writes:I have a huge problem. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 or so months now but he is so much older than me and has lived so much life before me. He never really wants to talk about his previous relationships, bad times he went through, or he never gives me any insight into really who he was and what happened all those years before me. I am so curious though I just want to know, but he says now we're all that matters. Everything else is irrelevant. I agress somewhat but it often leaves me desperate to know. I did something horrible and I just went through his emails. He dated this girl before me for 10 years on and off (even taking 3 years of a break). They were even engaged. He says although he did love her, he wasn't in love with her. He says he is so in love with me and he doesn't play around with the word love often. I feel terrible for going through his emails, I know it was an invasion of his privacy. But i just feel so clueless to his life before me. Well anyways, I got to some old emails (over 3 years ago), that were between him and the previously mentioned ex-girlfriend. They had a very volatile relationship, quite the opposite of ours, but I suppose it was very intense. The email from him said something like I love you in a way i've never loved anyone. He mentioned seeing a bright future for them, children and all. We often talk about the same things. And i've mentioned her a few times to him and he usually gets angry and says she's crazy and she was not the one for him. But it hurt so bad to hear that he had told her he loved her in a way he has never felt, when he told me he never felt the love he feels with me, with her. I am on edge of breaking down, I don't know how to handle this. PLEASE HELP
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a break, engaged, ex girlfriend, I love you Reply to this Question
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female
reader, purplestar +, writes (19 July 2009):
purplestar is verified as being by the original poster of the questionya'll are awesome and so right! I really just needed reassurance. The past is the past and I have to move on from it. But as for the 16-17 age thing, that was when i made it, I'm 18 now but yeah he is a lot older, but we connect and our ages usually don't matter...but thanks for all the advice, I so appreciate it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009): we all have pasts and maybe he meant those things at the time but looking back and being with you made him realise what true love is!
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A
male
reader, MyDestiny +, writes (18 July 2009):
 yes it was his past. but now you'r in the present. stay there. dont worry about the things he said and did in some other time but now. yes he said he really loved that girl more than anyone else but that was then, now is now.
just dont stress so much about it.
good luck
-ardy
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009): a few things:1) you indicated you are 16-17 and said he is much older than you. How many years older? In my opinionn your relationship is not ideal if he if he is 22-23 years old. If that is the case, move on and have a bf close to your age2) if you are just 16-17 it is way too early for you to think about getting amrried and having children. first try to have good relationships and later on when you are say 20+ you can think about getting amrried and having children.3) you should focus too much on what he told or didn't tell her ex-gf. you have just read some emails and your judgement on him loving or not loving you is is just bashed on those emails. Most of the time the emails don't convey the real intention/emotions. if you have been with this guy for 8 months and if it has been a really close relationship then you should know if he really loves you.4) take it easy on him in terms of forcing him to tell you about his past relationships. Most of the time talking about past relationships causes more problem. But it will be very nice if he tells everything about other aspects of his life (other than his past relationships) which will help you to know him better5) just have fun and enjoy your relationship without trying to make him to tell you every details about his past relationships.
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A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (17 July 2009):
This is his past. We all have pasts. Not to say he should not share it with you but he seems far more concerned with the present, with you. I think you should be too and just enjoy what you have. But if there is something you feel you need to talk with him about, then do so.
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A
female
reader, Hannah-Kimberley  +, writes (17 July 2009):
Maybe he did love her in a way that he had never loved anyone before, but this was a while ago now and your relationship may have made him understand how it feels to love someone truly. He might have done some things in his past that he regrets or that he is ashamed of and might not want you to think any less of him, or for you to get upset by the things he has done. You should try not to worry about his past. Although if you feel like you can't move foreward with your relationship until you know then tell him this and reassure him that you wont think any less of him and you understand there are things in everybody's past they are ashamed of. Good Luck (:
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