A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts and Uncles. I'll make this short and to the point but would really appreciate a guys take if possible. My boyfriend (we have been living together for about a year) he still goes to his ex's house (when she's working and yes she is working) every day to let the dog out. I've told him that this is somewhat annoying to me and that I'd appreciate it if he would not do so. His reply is, I only go to see the dog because she is my dog but the ex won't let him take the animal even though she is not there to care for it much. In the past year I think I've mentioned this all of 5 times and it's always the same thing or like during one coversation he said, "I'll tell her to find someone else to let the dog out but then she will tell me she'll have to get rid of it or have it put down".What a joke, she would never let that animal out of her life and I think she just says it to play him so she has a dog sitter....I mean really, what the heck is going on? I trust him completely, I know he loves me and has no dealings with her but I just can't understand why it's so important to stay "attached" to what he left so quickly even before the divorce was final. (Oh, they were only married for a SHORT time) Thanks in advance for your input.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): Most likely, he cares for the dog, but I can imagine what you are going through. I'm going through something similar myself. Carefully think it through, and then made a decision about what is best for you. Usually, if there is doubt, there is a problem. In short, there is either a trust problem in your relationship, or there is a trust problem with your boyfriend in general.
A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (2 November 2009):
 Yeah, you're gonna have to deal. If the dog is mean and attacks your dog, it doesn't sound like having it in your home is an option. If that's the case, the ex wife does not have your ex by the balls after all and it seems like they've actually found a way to amicably deal with "sharing" a pet they are both attached to. Please let go of this issue and enjoy your relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree, the dog is not in a good situation but the problem is she won't let him take the dog and I also agree she's got huis nuts in a vice on this one. I don 100% trust him and have no issue with taking the dog. After all, I suggested it and when he did have it for 2 days it was so mean and bad bahaved all it tried to do was attack our dog... Plus, she called constantly wanting it back as she could not live without it. Guess I just have to deal huh.
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male
reader, Markingbad  +, writes (31 October 2009):
 Oh come on. Have a heart. Why should the mut suffer. I dont even like dogs. Partly because they are almost as much hassle as kids. I got stuck with my ex's stupid tomcat that drove me bonkers .
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Well, it's great that you trust him. So what's to worry about?
He obviously loves the dog, they tend to be very lovable. The dog has become a friend, as they do, and its companionship is something he treasures. He misses the creature and probably looks forward to seeing it. He's not having an affair with it (well, we hope!) He's not having an affair with her, either.
Divorced guys go and visit their children all the time, and this often involves 'going round to the ex's house.' If it was a son or daughter he was visiting, I'm sure you wouldn't have any problem with that.
And - not trying to equate the dog with a kid, but its needs ARE important. If it isn't being looked after as well as it should be, it deserves a better home, and 'applying for custody' of it wouldn't be a bad idea.
Have you met the dog, anyway?
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): If you really want to be controlling then yeah demand that he schedule the dog peeing to your schedule.
Apparantly this dog cannot hold it's urine all day until she happens to get home. For all I know the poor thing is in a crate all day. What ever the situation I don't think you have any right to tell him what to do about the dog.
I mean if his ex is extremely inflexible and will retaliate if he tries to suggest otherwise then he will have to handle that, not you.
Perhaps he can just kidnap the dog as possession is 9/10ths of the law unless it is spelled out in the divorce papers that she has custody of FIFI.
Either way the dog is who I feel sorry for not you, I really think you just need to grow up and trust him that he is there for the dog and whether or not you like dogs is besides the point. If you love him, then you accept that he loves the dog, period.
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (30 October 2009):
 Yet another reason why I love my dog more than most people! As another put it be thankful they never had kids.
What kinda irritates me here is that the dog needs a better situation and it is not getting it because of petty BS. Adults do this with kids too. I find it to be one of the more despicable things that people do in this world.
It might be worth playing a little hard ball and making a case through animal control to have the dog relocated if it is not getting the care it needs.
Really, both of them need to get off it and do the right thing for the dog and stop acting like children. She needs to let go of the control drama and he needs to get full possession of his gonads and really deal with this.
Hope the dog comes out OK!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Hey, I am an animal person and I know something about how he feels about the dog.
He loves the dog, I don't think he loves her or is making excuses to visit her, she is at work.
I think he is making excuses to go see the dog and I think she has his nuts in a sling and like a lot of exes is getting off on her power trip of keeping his dog and only letting him see if if he agrees to be the dog sitter.
It seems to be working for them and the dog.
I personally think you should take a breath and be glad that he does not have children with her, that is much worse to deal with and goes on for decades.
I think you need to stop riding his ass about taking care of his dog. He obviously loves it and misses it and feels a certain responsibility to care for it.
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female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (30 October 2009):
 If she is really at work when he goes over there and he never actually sees her, just the dog, then maybe he isn't quite over the entire situation yet. I mean they were married for a short time, right? That's kind of a big step. It sounds like his behavior isn't something that is going to change any time soon, so my advice to you would be to either accept it, or let him go. I could see how this would be a very annoying habit, and I think the entire excuse of him 'loving the dog' and her 'putting it down if he doesn't come over' is just a lame excuse to keep making visits. You know what I would do? I would start going with him. I would insist that he makes the times that he goes over there align with your schedule so you can help out with the task. If this isn't anything that's a big deal, then he will let you go with him. Period. If not, then that's something to think about. If he is going over there every day, that's not a good sign that he's over his ex. I mean honestly, an entire trip is worth just taking the dog outside? I think not. There is something else behind the motivation, and it isn't taking the dog out. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): I don't think it's a way for them to keep some sort of attachment to one another. If their marriage didn't end badly and he's only going over there when she's at work, I don't think you need to feel threatened in any way. You don't like it because you don't want him to have any contact with this woman and would rather pretend that she doesn't exist. Unfortunately, she will not drop off the face of the earth just because he's with you now. At some point he agreed to allow her to keep the dog and he can't ask her to give it to him because you are uncomfortable with this arrangement. He misses the dog and enjoys walking her and playing with her, nothing more. You know he loves you and you trust him, so don't go looking for trouble where there is none.
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