A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:help! ok iv been going out with this guy for a while and i really like him, we'v only ever kissed but i know things will soon be going further. he has slept with 2 other girls (both in long term relationships he isnt a get around) but i havent done anything further than kissing.. and im so nervous! i do want to do some stuff and there's nothing wrong with that right?? but then i dont know how to even give a blowjob or handjob! it sounds so silly because im 19 but its true.. i dont want to embarrass myself! any advice on how to do those things? or any other advice in general!? please help me out, im so nervous and i dont want it to effect our relationship!
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male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (29 December 2009):
 any advice on how to do those things? or any other advice in general!? please help me out, im so nervous and "i dont want it to effect our relationship!".... here is general advice..,
Sex is heaven, beyond anybody's opinion. it has single nature to give pleasure. It is good to approach it in normal mood, after all it is not examination whole. It will not declared you as good, better and best. Our mind is in learning process with sex. This learning is life long learning. When I am playing here my role as advising uncle, I am also facing the same learning process. SEX IS MASTER, AND MIND IS LEARNER. We as a adviser are also learners.
Now no tension about relationship. If he is understanding, then he will note your honesty, and if not- then, it is good you save your life from dishonest person. This much honesty is required from us, and from those who involve in pursing LIVE VALUES. Honesty is best policy, then show some one our high efficiency, which will come step by step, in slow and gradual process....is all I have to say in present context of the question, as general.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): You're putting way too much pressure on yourself. Remember he's not Don Juan. There's going to be a learning curve for him as well.I don't think your lack of experience is an issue. If you'd like to talk to him about it then getting things out in the open is usually a good thing. But if you don't then you shouldn't feel the need to. Try to relax and let your passions guide you. Don't worry about making a mistake and try not to be too passive and just lay there. Some guys might like that but I'm sure most don't. Feel free to do what you want and what makes you feel good. If you want to touch something in particular, then touch it. If you want him to touch you somewhere then take his hand and move it there. Be confident and don't be embarrassed about showing him what you want. He'll love that. Guys find confidence in women just as sexy as women find it in guys.And err, if you want tips on the specific things you mentioned I don't know how graphic they allow things here but I'm sure the person who proofs these will just delete this bit if it's inappropriate. So here goes... If he's uncircumcised you have to be very careful with the head of the penis as it will be very sensitive. A hand job is simple, just grip the shaft of the penis and move your hand up and down. Start gently, watch his reaction and let that guide you. If he seems to be getting into it then try a bit faster and more forceful. You may find the foreskin retracts and if it does just be careful not to rub the head unless you want to spend the next ten minutes peeling him off the cieling.If you want to give a good blow job remember three things; suction (you don't just move your mouth up and down on it you apply suction, so your cheeks are collapsed inward), eye contact (it's sexy as hell to gaze up at him while you're doing it) and enthusiasm (if you're enjoying it feel free to show you're enjoying it). Be gentle but confident with his penis. Don't act like there's something wrong with it.Remember to practice safe sex and don't do anything you're not comfortable with.Again, I hope I haven't given bad advice here or been inappropriate. If I have would the moderator please delete the above.I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): thanks for all those answers :) im still very nervous obviously. we spoke about sex the other night and he said he feels he can talk to me about it, however i havent told him im inexperienced. i feel too embarrassed! not just for him, i feel embarrassed about it in general. do you think i should just not mention it and try or tell him? thanks!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): There's no instruction book as far as this is concerned. Think back to how it used to be in the good ol' days when a couple got married and the first time they even saw each other half-naked was a week or more after the wedding - and even then with the lights out!
The fun of starting a relationship in a sexual way is the exploration, the discovering of what each person likes to do and what they don't like to do.
What works for you probably won't work for someone else, but the fun is finding out what that is.
Just play it by ear. If it feels good, do it. If it doesn't - don't. It really is as simple as that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Personally, I think if you are feeling this nervous that your sexual performance is going to cost you a relationship with this guy, then sex will be terrible for you because you have to completely trust your partner.
I don't think you two are ready to have sex. If you are adult enough to have sex then you are adult enough to talk about it with HIM. Everyone has a first time for everything and it isn't about your performance or skills if he really loves you, those will get better with good old fashioned PRACTICE. He will tell you what you are doing great, etc.
I hope that you are on the birth control pill as condoms break and leak and they call you mommy and daddy when that happens. Have safe sex and I guess just RELAX and wait until you have a more solid relationship of friendship and love with this person.
Losing your virginity just to lose it will gain you some sexual experience, but not neccessarily the right relationship and the cost will not be worth the outcome of bad feelings that will ensue from having given your most intimate self away so easily.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): Okay, no one knows how to do a blowjob until they do it and no one knows how to do a handjob until they do it, so don't feel bad about not knowing how to do things you've never done.I think the best course of action is to tell your boyfriend that you are inexperienced. This way he can help you by telling you what feels good;I'm sure he'll be more than happy to teach you!
By the way, this is a two-way street. Sex is not about his pleasure; make sure you pay attention to your own sexual needs as well and let him know that you want to enjoy the experience, too. I also suggest that you start exploring your own body; please find your clitoris so you can understand what it does. This is important information because you will find that clitoral stimulation is important to your ability to come to orgasm.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2009): First of all, if you think that you wanting to/knowing how to do stuff for him in bed is going to affect your relationship negatively if it's not perfect then that's something to think about before engaging in those activities. What I mean is, it shouldn't matter too much, if he knows you're new to stuff and are trying for him, that's more than enough and he should respect whatever it is you want to do.Secondly, I suggest you search this site and the internet for answers to those questions. Chances are you'll find what you need. Just don't be pushed into anything just because you know he's got experience or expectations. This is about you too, and what YOU want and how ready YOU feel. It's definitely ok to want those things, and it's okay to be nervous, just don't be rushed. If he cares about you and wants all that with you, I'm certain anything you do will be more than fine with him.
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