A
female
age
41-50,
*mc1975
writes:My bf of 2 years seems to be a creep. I was looking for a movie to watch on my laptop and stumbled into Google documents for the first time ever. I saw everything that my bf looked up on the laptop for the last 5 years +. I saw all kinds of regular porn, big labia, scat, and teen boy and girl porn. I have a teen daughter and I have caught him doing things like trying to peek on her in the shower and stealing her underwear. I was freaked, he apologized and amazingly i beleived he was soory and it would never happen again. BUT to see his actual porn history for the time we have been together. I AM FREAKED OUT. Anyone else going through this? I just want to give up, I almost dont want anyone to tell me it is normal or ok, I dont want to be ok with this. I feel like a horrible mom but who do i talk to to see if all guys are into young girls....Is it just a curiosity or should I be scared for their safety. I feel like no matter what I do or how hot I am or how adventurous I may be in bed...it will never be enough. I really hate men right now. I just started dating after 10 years of marriage, is this all there is for me? tell me no, please!!!!
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female
reader, gypsytears  +, writes (29 May 2011):
your dudes a creep and plz don't put u or ur daughter thru it..all my moms boyfriends were creeps, and it is true guys do like younger woman and I know its a blow to the ego for we all are getting older..but its true. When I turned 25 my boyfriend said you are no longer young and it was a huge bubble buster...I'm 29 now, the porn I catch him watching are girls that are 18 to about 25...and I also workd in a strip club and have spoke to many men that have said you put a 40 yr old in a room with a 20 yr old 99 percent would rather perv on the 20 yr old. Ahhh harsh but true from the dogs mouth...just be safe with your girls...you've also seen dateline right..enuff said!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2011): If men have a penchant for porn then you can bet they have a penchant for young naked girls. Porn is filth that poisons the mind and I think it's very naive of some people to think that a man would "not pet a cat where they think a young woman is naked". Of course they would! I unfortunately have worked in a male dominated environment and I'm sorry to say, yes they would. Let's not be naive here!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (7 May 2011):
 People will have missed your follow up, which is regrettable, because what you say is still alarming. Petting a cat outside the bathroom door? Some invisible person going through your daughters laundry? To me these are just excuses and classic denial that a problem exists.Do all men find teenage girls attractive, many do, but not all. The girls in porn have to be registered as 18 and are at the legal age of consent.Many men watch porn with young teens. But you don't find them petting cats anywhere near where a young girl may be naked.My advice has not changed. After your explanation I'm actually more worried. Pedophiles and men who attempt sex with young girls always have some very strange excuses. Men like this are so manipulative they will start a relationship with a mother just to get near to the young girl.If you refuse to kick him out, then don't take your eyes of him for a second, never leave him alone with your daughter and make sure there are locks on her bedroom door and the bathroom.Pornography does not create pedophiles. If he throws the porn away he will still be a creepy man who is a danger to your daughter.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): Thank you everyone for your advice. Just to clear something up...I was ranting and didný proofread. In no way do I think that him watching porn and me be some hot chick is more important than my 13 year old being the object of his desire. The reason I didn't leave before is because I wasn't sure that what I mentioned was what actually happened. The shower thing....he said he was down on the floor petting the cat. I still am not sure that he was spying on her under the bathroom door. With the underwear I just noticed her laundry basket was gone through when she wasn't home. His actual words were that he "was sorry I feel that way and am sorry that i feel i have to be scared of that happening" He said that wouldn't happen. But my instincts tell me otherwise. And someone mentioned that with the porn with young girls, that all guys say the girls dont look as old as they are - that is what he said. When I found "that"porn on the computer I freaked. The rest of it doesnt concern me as much. I can dismiss some of it as morbid curiousity. I really just have a hard time trusting that he won't be a creep like my step father was. So please don't take my ranting the wrong way, i should have proofread and worded it better. I am taking steps to get out of this whether it is true or not. I feel that everyone has the right to feel safe in their relationship and not worry about this kind of stuff. I think I just have to trust my instincts on this one. PS the porn I found that was questionable was an isolated incident over a year ago but when I typed the question - i was really pissed off and not thinking logically. Also when I said ïf all guys are into young girls...I did mean the porn of barely legal type girls. I know that young young girls is not something that is ok.Now I am and a plan is in motion. Thank you all for your advice
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): I am writing again because my previous post has not been posted, despite it answering the OP's question directly. How old is your daughter? Everyone here is assuming she is a young teen whereas she could in fact be 18 or 19. Not that this makes it right but just wishing to clarify before everyone jumps on the pedophile ladder!! Porn has poisoned his mind; who in their right mind wants to sniff knickers. I certainly wouldn't sniff men's underpants! If your daughter is a young teen then she needs protection, not a mother whose relationship with a partner appears to be more important! If she's an older teen then same thing stands. The guy is an arsehole so get rid of him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): No one is going to tell you its normal for your boyfriend to be spying on your child when she is naked or stealing her panties to use for sniffing and masterbating. Because it is not normal...as well you know. Actually allowing someone like that to continue living under the same roof as your children isnt very normal either. Is that why you refer to yourself as a bad mother? Because if it is, i would like to agree with you. If you forgave him for his perverted behaviour towards your child but you have freaked out now because of his pornography habits. I would suggest you have your priorities the wrong way around. You seem more worried about him watchin porn than his behaviour towards your child, which is rather odd.
Men as a rule do not perv on children or young teens. They dont go around spying on young girls and many dont even like porn featuring young girls, so please dont think 'all' men are perverts because they certainly arent!
However, your boyfriend is one and he shouldnt be trusted around your children. As a mother you should be caring less about how hot you are and more about your childrens safety. If you cant see how wrong this man is and how dangerous he could be, then you are little better than he is. Forget about how hot you need to be in bed. It doesnt matter if you introduce 2 goats and half the neighbourhood into your bedroom, this man will never be satisfied with you. So ask him to leave and that will make home a safer place for your children and also leave you free to seek out a decent man. There are plenty of them out there so dont settle for a man who you know to be sexually attracted to your child. It might be a good idea to try some counselling for yourself as you seem to have very low self esteem.
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A
male
reader, GRIFF TANNEN +, writes (5 May 2011):
 I'm guessing he's around your age right? And he has an interest in teenage girls? In other words: children!
You do no NOT want to risk your childs future with this guy hanging about.
Don't waste any more time and boot his ass out of the house NOW.
The RED FLAG the others are talkig about is really true, don't ignore it.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 May 2011):
 I don't get it, he's is perving on your teen daughter, steals her underwear... and he's still there with you just because he said "sorry"??
Who cares even if " all guys like young girls " ?... I doubt that,but that's not the point - the point is that this particular ,specific young girl is YOUR daughter ! You seem to imply that your creepy bf's " curiosity" makes you uneasy just because it makes you feel insecure about your " hotness " as compared to younger girls, - not because it is a sick ,morbid curiosity directed to your own daughter !
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): Porn is the trigger here, you can bet your bottom dollar! His interest has been wetted for teenage girls by the porn and made it acceptable for him to do what he did (in his mind). That can be the danger of porn. I bet most guys who watch porn would have done the same thing; snuck a peak or stole knickers. That is the danger of objectifying women; they become objects to wank over. I've heard of this sort of thing happening before. A guy I know who watches a lot of porn always looks at younger girls and "jokes" that they are definitely older than they appear to be. Someone on this site also wrote before that a man wants to see ALL WOMEN NAKED! Bottom line however, the guys is a pervert and a creep and you need to protect your daughter!
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (5 May 2011):
I'll join the queue.....
The guy is a creep, and I'm scared for your daughter.. please throw him out and put locks on your door.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 May 2011):
 He's a creep.the porn is the least of your problems.the molestation via theft of her personal items and his attempts to see her in the shower are way more disturbing and dangerous. PROTECT YOUR CHILD! OUT HE GOES.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): The Porns not the problem, the fact he's trying to potentially ABUSE to your daughter is! Ask her if he acts odd around her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): "I almost dont want anyone to tell me it is normal or ok, I dont want to be ok with this. I feel like a horrible mom but who do i talk to to see if all guys are into young girls."
Trust me, nobody is going to tell you what he did was ok. You need to get you and, more importantly, your daughter, away from this guy.
Why the hell you didn't remove you and your daughter away from the situation is beyond me.
Saying you "hate me right now" is down right immature. Do you honestly think that any normal man would go round sniffing CHILDREN'S underwear? You need to get your priorities straight, grow up and stop making this all aboyt you.
You should be concerned about your daughter's safety not worried about if you'll ever get another date.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): Wait, so you caught him peeking at your daughter in the shower and stealing her underwear for a sniff and a wank, and it's the porn that you're freaking out about?
Ummm. Okay then. So the whole sniffing your daughters panties is okay because he said sorry but porn is too much?
OP forgive me but you have your priorities completely mixed up here. This douche starts sexually perving your daughter and sorry was enough for you.
Sorry OP but there are a hell of a lot guys that like porn out there. But very few who are actual pervs that would do such things to your daughter. Frankly I don't see the problem if you accept an apology for the knicker sniffing and wanking. Just get him to apologize for the porn and he'll never do anything perverted again, "I promise". There's absolutely no risk that he'll ever act on his desires for your daughter at all, I'm being sarcastic OP.
Forget the porn, you made a massive-ass mistake letting the peeking and knicker wanking slide. Don't think for one second that he wasn't doing that to her panties nor that it was the first time he'd done it.
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (4 May 2011):
 Forget the porn. You need to keep your daughter safe. You shouldn't have let him get away with stealing her underwear. He should have been straight out the door. Get him out NOW.
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A
female
reader, Orbiter +, writes (4 May 2011):
Looking at porn in itself (unless it's child porn) isn't that worrying. You may not like it but on it's own it doesn't make him a dangerous pervert.
On the other hand trying to look at your teenage daughter in the shower and stealing her underwear is worrying. It's completely inappropriate (and creepy) behaviour, it doesn't matter if he's into 18+ teens, he shouldn't be doing these things. Even if he was looking at a full grown woman without her consent it still wouldn't be ok. You should be freaked out by this.
No that's not all there is for you, there plenty of other normal guys out there. So for yourself and your daughter leave him.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2011):
 And no, this is not all there is for you. Please get him the hell out of there, and let us know how you are getting on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 May 2011):
Sorry, but you have a MAJOR RED FLAG WAVING at you. He tried to peep at your TEENAGED DAUGHTER? STOLE her undies???? Um, NOT NORMAL. NOT GOOD. NOT OKAY.
The porn history isn't as concerning as that is. I would very carefully back away from this guy and would suggest that you investigate to make certain he hasn't done anything else.
You don't have to be okay with this. In fact, I'd say your responsibility lies with keeping your daughter safe, not with his feelings or even yours. Run a background check on the guy and make sure he doesn't have anything else going on.
Oh, and for the record, not all men are like this. Yes, I think all men like to look at beautiful girls and young women. Very few men would try to look at their girlfriend's UNDERAGE daughters in the shower and take their underwear. That is definitely CREEPY! I expect the other uncles here will agree with me. Ew.
Major red flag. Porn history isn't great, but actually invading your daughter's privacy is a huge problem.
Check him out, then chuck him out. You might want to consult an attorney for assistance and guidance as to what is and isn't legal in this area.
Good luck. Sorry you have to go through this. Be strong for your daughter's sake.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (4 May 2011):
 No, this is not all there is. No, nothing you have described is normal or acceptable in any way, shape or form. You are right to be freaked out, and this guy should never be near your daughter. Cut him out of your lives immediately.
Most men are decent, and would be appalled at the idea of sexual thoughts about a dependent teenage girl.
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female
reader, sunshine88 +, writes (4 May 2011):
I dont know how you could think that stealling your daughters underware is normal or ok? and you are worried about being hot enough?!? you need to protect your daughter from someone you have brought into her life. You need to leave before something bad happens. What kind of person catches someone peeking in on thier daughter and brushes it off?!?!
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (4 May 2011):
 get him out of your house.
when big red warning flags come up only fools ignore them.
even you know that someone who fancies your child is not someone you would have a relationship with. its very simple.
you dont have to stay in a relationship for any reason, but to stay in one when you have many reasons to leave- foolish
good luck and dump this weirdo pederast
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2011): Get rid of this guy. He seems to have a lot of issues, possible psychological. Its a risk being with him and given you have a daughter I wouldnt take it at all. Im sorry for what hes done. Yes, very scary. You can find a good guy... theyre not as prominent as bad steven seagal action films lol but theyre out there :)
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female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (4 May 2011):
 UH. This is not OKAY. He stole your daughter's underwear? THAT'S NOT NORMAL.
That's a massive sign. You need to get out now. for the sake of your daughter. How do you think she feels having Mom's creepy boyfriend sneaking peaks at her.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE. Trust me, there are guys who are not complete creeps like this.
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