A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some outside perspective here.. My boyfriend plays world of warcraft and he is obsessed. he plays every day for hours. The only time we see each other is the weekend and when i get there he will constantly play. He told me last time i was over that i have to come up with a plan for all of our days or he has the right to play and leave me sitting on the couch doing nothing. So if i dont come up with a suggestion constantly of things to do he will play and leave me at his doing nothing. Is this fair? I dont think it is. Why should i have to make all the plans? And he doesn't work so if i make plans i will have to pay anyway! His reasoning is "why should we both be sitting bored when i could be playing"What do i do?
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 I can't honestly understand what you see in him. He is unemployeed. He would rather spend time on his video game than with you. He wants you to plan everything. Seems awefully one sided in my book.
I say dump him. I've been known to spend way too much time on some video games too, but I've never not spent time with my significant other because of one. Well, if we haven't seen a lot of eachother recently that is. I reserve game time for when I'm alone, or with some of my gamer friends. But then again, I hold down a job too, so maybe I'm more balanced.
I agree most with what Yos said. I think his two choices are pretty right on. I see a third. Just leave. Tell him why and that he has no chance of ever being with you again.
It's hard to watch those we care about destroy themselves, but sometimes all we can do is let go. He's an adult, although he's not acting like it. He needs to deal with the consequences of his actions.
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (2 August 2010):
 He's using an addict's logic.
He's deliberately sitting around bored, forcing the situation, so he can play. He just wants to play, play, play.
Don't underestimate the power of WoW when it comes to addictions. I've seen marriages fail and jobs lost because of that game.
You have two choices:
- Decide you are willing to take on curing a game addict, to 'save your relationship'. He'll hate you for it, probably relapse constantly, and then if he is cured, probably break up with you because of the resentment built up. This is the most common pattern. If you want to cure him you have to convince him to cancel his account. Good luck!
- Show him you mean business by leaving him. Tell him "I'm leaving you because you're a WoW addict. If you want me, you have to cancel your account. No negotiations". You have to be that clear, otherwise he'll come back to you begging but also keep playing.
Either way, for an addict, the only way out of WoW is to stop altogether. It's like alcoholism and smoking, once you're hooked you're either all-in or all-out. Don't make any deals about certain amounts of time, because there's no way he'll stick to them.
good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Video games are nothing more than a meaningless addiction, just like all other addictions. He's telling you straight out that he's choosing his game over you, and that you come second on the list before WOW. Anybody that can play that game, or any other game for hours on end, day after day, month after month, can't possibly give near the attention, to a partner, that they deserve.
You need to dump him now, and tell him to come back when he grows up and acts like a man. Every good woman needs a good man, and he's still a boy who hasn't fully matured into manhood. No matter how much you love him, you're only going to feel neglected every minute you're with him, especially when he talks to you like that, and pretends he's any less of a coutch potato playing World of Warcraft for hours and hours everyday.
Trust me, the only way he's going to cut his playing time in half, and start respecting you and showing you the attention you need and deserve, is to leave him. He won't even think about slowing down on his gaming, otherwise.
I know this from my own experience of obsessively gaming for hours and hours each day. When you add work or school to the mix, and a few hours sleep here and there, it's alot worse yet. My girlfriend at the time tied into me, but I listened. And I KNOW we wouldn't be together today, married and with kids, if I had kept my same stubborn, immature view of gaming. I had to make the choice of slowing down and eventually stopping, depending on how much I wanted to allow us to progress. There was a point where she left me for a week or two and I finally decided to say to myself, "Hmmmmmmm, maybe I should give her a call.." On top of that, I couldn't even barely function or stay awake at work, being most of my time before and after work was spent gaming, and I'd sleep three hours a night,..
sometimes not for 48 hours at a time, while working 40 hour weeks.
The torture of knowing I wasn't even able to show any proper time or love to anyone, and the torture of being so tired I would just black out in my head into daydreams as a way to make it through my days and work shifts, was together what made me stop gaming altogether. When I look back at those days now, I wonder what I was thinking, and how I actually survived that little sleep and didn't get fired at work.
Don't say it in a rude way, or he'll use it against you to convince himself he's right in doing what he's doing to you, but tell him you're leaving him until he can grow up and start to treat you well. Date others if you want, and if he never tries to come back, at least you'll have others around you who will give you alot more of their time and love, pending their obsessed gamers too.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie +, writes (2 August 2010):
 "What do i do?" - dump his WOWnerd ass.
My ex-boyfriend used to play Wow and there was no possible way to get him out of the house, especially trying to have a word with him. He was usually very expeditive whenever I was asking him stuff. My patience has some limits, so I dumped him. The surprise was that he didn't bother to say something.. he went "OK, if this is what you wish, I want you to be happy". So, honestly, you'd make yourselfs a great favor :)
It ain't worth it, there are plenty of other guys who are able to make the difference between real and virtual life. Just look for a guy who isn't best friend with his computer and who knows how to appreciate human interactions.
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (2 August 2010):
 Not it's not fair... Dump him! If he can't get off the computer and actually want to be with you then you need to find someone who will.
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