A
male
age
30-35,
*geek
writes:Me and my girl are in a long distance relationship, and we have decided that we are going to have sex the next time we see each other, but whenever either of us start talking about sex her regrets come up and constantly bug her, she has regrets about how she lost her virginity to some random dude that she didn't care about, and how she got it at a party while she was drunk. she has asked me to help her with this, she hates having the regret of that and when it is brought up she has problems dealing with it, I help her out but she still isn't doing well....and I'm asking for some help here, she wants to be able to let it go but she does not know how. And I'm wondering is there any way for her not to feel like that whenever the topis is brought up.thankszgeek
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 August 2010):
 The more focus and emphasis that is put on it, the harder it will be for her. All this planning is making things harder. Sex should just happen when both parties are ready. Here in lies one of the major flaws with LDR's. Since you don't get to see eachother often, you want to "make the most" of your time together when you do get to see eachother.
She regrets her first time. There is nothing you can do about that other than reassure her that you love her, and that you want her first time WITH YOU to be right.
I try to live my life by a few somewhat cheesy mottos. One of them is: "It is better to regret that which we have done, than to regret that which we haven't done." Regret is one of those things that can eat away at us. Sometimes we will be ashamed of what we've done. That's natural. Another motto is this: "the difference between the wise man and the fool is that the fool never learns from their mistakes." I see both of these applying here. She made a choice she regrets, but seems to have learned from that. Where I see the real problem is that she is unable to move on, even though she is likely resolved to never repeat that mistake.
I think you've got a difficult road ahead of you, but one that will likely get much better once you two actually take that step. Once you show her that you aren't the jerk who took her virginity, it will likely ease some of her tension. Also, quit discussing it unless she brings it up. You don't want to seem like that's all you care about. Plan some dates and such for the next time you see eachother. I suggest doing some fun stuff along with some romantic stuff. Remember, just let it happen, and don't rush her.
Make her first time with you the special time she wishes her actual first time was.
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