A
female
age
41-50,
*HONGPRINCESS24
writes:I have been in 3yr relationship w/my boyfriend.I have been very untrusting of him.He told me several times to stop but I didn't and now because of my trust issues I have driven him away, he won't be affectionate at all to me, says I've hurt him and he doesn't trust me not to hurt him by not trusting him anymore.He says he misses being affectionate with me but he can't make the pain go away.How do I prove to him that I can trust him and that I won't hurt him again?I love him very very much please help me not to lose him! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): You can't "prove" something like this to him. It is up for him to either accept your apology and move on to the future, or for him to say no and decide to go your separate ways.
Your boyfriend doesn't seem to have the strength to make a choice, so he is choosing to emotionally manipulate you in to keep apologising for the same mistake. You should only ever need to properly apologise for something once. Any more and it will just start to erode your self-confidence and cause you to be even more insecure.
Your boyfriend, knowingly, or unknowingly, is playing a mind game with you and if he doesn't want you to be insecure then he needs to grow up, wise up, put the past in the past and move on to the future.
Don't let your boyfriend continue to hold all the cards. He is keeping the affection from you, and he is making you feel bad. You must feel weak and inferior and he must know this. This is not good for you, and neither is it good for the long-term of your relationship.
Any feelings of love you have for your boyfriend will eventually turn to resentment and bitterness, if he doesn't choose to forgive you and return to showing you affection. He should aware of that - when men stop showing affection towards women it is only a matter of time before they start to look elsewhere for love and attention.
A
female
reader, THONGPRINCESS24 +, writes (18 July 2007):
THONGPRINCESS24 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I have apologised over and over again to him, he says that he doesn't know if he can believe that I am sorry this time because in the past I have said I'm sorry and then showed him distrust again. He says he wants to be with me and we live together, he hasn't left but no affection, he says he can't let his guard up this time and allow me to hurt him again. I don't know how to prove to him that I will not hurt him again or how to prove to him thta I trust him again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): Maybe you should sit down and talk to him about yall relationship i just gotten out of a relationship because my man was not calling me and he seem to be away for sometime i trusted him but my bone head ex boyfriend who i been in a relationship with for a year and two months told me that the reason of him not calling me was because he was cheating so i broke up with him and is now in another relationship with someone special so im going to learn to trust him even when doesn't call me for a short period of time.Remember trust is the key to a healthy relationship without trust you might as well be a single old bitter person without lovers or friends.So sit down and talk to him tell him what has been bothering you and maybe he will listen and the pain will go away!
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Sometimes I get jealous about my husband but I tried something and it works. Sit down with him and you guys write a letter to each other about the things that you love most about him and vice versa this will confirm some of the things that you already know and when you start to feel jealous sit down and read this letter and think about all the things he loves about you and why it would be so stupid for him to violate your trust it may sound juvenile but it might work.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Try this:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2004257_build-trust-relationship.html
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A
female
reader, jtaunton5410 +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Hi sweetie, Ya know I used to have the same problem, But I need to ask, Has he done anything to make you not trust him? If he has then he should be the one apologizing to you but if you are just a little insecure, which a lot of people are including myself, then you just need to ask him what he would like for you to do. If you try and do it yourself and it doenst work then ask him what you can do to apologize to him and show him that you do trust him. I mean, he must have some idea of what he wants from you. You just need to be as sweet as possible and loving and just show him how much he means to you. Every thing will work out. Good luck and I am sorry for all the trouble you are going through.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): Hey,
It's a good sign that he says that he misses being affectionate with you.
See if you and your boyfriend can put a line from now and the past. You should sure you aren't so insecure and needy from now on and he should make sure he does not drag up the past and instead look to the future.
If you can both do this, your relationship can improve really quickly. You both need to agree to, and be able to, move on from past mistakes.
Good luck and all the best!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 You know, when a man in love goes away, it's often for good. So, you start with bad prospects.
If you were unstrusting of him and he wasn't to blame, then you are. You need to understand that no person is responsible for other person's actions.
I suppose all you can do is try to approach him again and ask for a chance. If you get it, don't blow it this time. If there are people you trust, then you already know how to behave with him.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Jealousy can ruin a relationship faster than anything. If he has never given you any real reason not to trust him then you need to work on your poor self-esteem because that is usually where the jealousy stems from. A jealous person is very tiresome and being accused of stuff you haven't done is definitely hurtful. There is a plethora of self-esteem help to be found on the internet and in bookstores. It may be too late to save this relationship but you'll be in better shape for the next one.
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