A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend were together for ten months, we were both happy together, till his wife he was seperated from started, she said she would take him back as soon as i was gone. Well as soon as i was gone she left . We have been talking dating sleeping together for the past ten months. He said he cares about me but isnt ready for a relationship. We get along. We spend alot of time together. He just wont take it to the next level, and this in between crap hurts me and drives me crazy. I just want a normal relationship. He says its not me, that right now he doesnt need a girlfriend. He says he would give us a relationship but hes not ready. I dont know what to do. I dont want to walk away. I do love him. But cant handle it like it is. I feel not good enough. Does anyone have any advice? How long do i wait? It has gotten alot better since we started talking. So there has been improvement. Help :( Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2013):
 Well considering he dropped you like a rock the moment his wife said she would take him back, IF he dumped you - I think you OUGHT to wake up and smell the coffee.
He doesn't WANT to divorce his wife, he doesn't WANT to do anything further with you then he ALREADY did/does. YOU are an convenience that is all.
I think he and his wife are playing some sick games and you, my dear, is the pawn.
YOU are NOT listening, HE said he doesn't WANT a GF or a relationship.
How long do you wait? My guess is you can waste YEARS waiting oh him, and it STILL won't happen. YOU need to face reality, the dude is using you and YOU are letting him.
Drop him, drop the contact and FIND yourself a SINGLE guy who wants JUST you.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 December 2013):
How long you wait is up to you, but I don't see things changing anytime soon considering he's married and he still wants to be with his wife.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 December 2013):
 well since he is legally married to another woman, there is not much of anything that can be escalated. Getting engaged to a married man is foolishness at it's finest.
If you live with him, she can name you in the divorce proceedings and drag your name through the mud so to speak.
IN addition, he's MADE IT CLEAR to you he's giving you ALL HE'S GOT. the problem for you is ALL he's GOT is NOT GOOD ENOUGH for you. And that's ok... if you want more, it's going to have to be with a different man.
IF you don't wand a different man then you have to change your expectations of your current partner and the relationship you have with him.
You will wait as long as you can bear it, but I'm betting this is as good as it's gonna get with him for a long long time.... you may want to consider walking away if you seek marriage and children as he probably will not be game to offer that to you for quite some time if at all ever.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 You have to find a way to handle the truth.
He has told you CLEARLY:
He DOESN'T want a girlfriend and he ISN'T ready for a relationship.
You are clinging on, probably still having sex with him, which is a HUGE mistake for any women in a situation like this.
You get along and spend a lot of time together because thats what lonely people do, but he has made his intentions LOUD and CLEAR...he doen't want a relationship from you at this time.
If you continue to throw yourself on the fire, well thats up to you but it won't change his mind and may, infact, ruin your chances of him coming back to you...because you refuse to give him 'space'.
Break away from him and explore other things in your life, stop having sex with him, tell him that you care about him but you cannot keep having sex with him because you feel things are too stalled at this time.
Stay in touch occasionally if you must, but don't allow him to get all the benefits of a relationship, when clearly he cannot give you one at this time.
Be strong or else this is going to drive you crazy and could continue like this for years.
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 You are giving him what he wants and he is satisfied with you being the other woman. You have to end it (not what you want) or the status will never change.
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