A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm being pushed out of my job and I desperately need some advice.Now normally, I would never take the treatment I've received. I would never let anyone walk over me as my employers have done. But in the past, if I've been treated terribly, I've been able to leave and find something else straight away. In the current economy and with my husband and I building our first home, I'm desperate for the money so I'm forced to swallow the daily sh*t I get in my role.I'm the assistant to our team of salespeople. I'm overqualified for the role, with journalism and graphics design qualifications, yet I'm unable to use any of my skills - even though I was led to believe that's why they hired me!My direct boss, the Office Manager, is a power hungry maniac who suffers extreme mood swings. I never know what I'm coming to work to face. I get that all-too familiar pre-vomit pre-faint feeling every day I approach the building. My boss spends the entire day micromanaging and micro-monitoring everything I do, no matter how simple the task is. If she notices a typo or in most cases, something she says SHE would do differently (which is therefore in her eyes, a mistake), she runs straight to mummy. Mummy is her boss and the company owner. I never knew this before taking the job otherwise I would've run a mile!So she tells me off over every mistake, then puts it into an email format ccing mummy and other colleagues she feels need to know. Then mummy comes to talk to me about my "inaccuracies" while the bully towers over me, studying my response. This is how a normal soul destroying day at work is for me.I know we often feel like everyone has it in for us.. and often, we're being paranoid. In my case, I really do feel like every one of the staff is out to shaft me. All I want to do is remain professional, which with the anger I'm feeling is becoming increasingly difficult, and get on with my work.Everything I do now must be checked with 3-4 people. I work some hours where my Office Manager isn't there. When she's in the office and I'm not, she goes through everything I've done to find errors, emails them to mummy (I keep an eye on her emails to see what's happening). She rearranges my office, removes things I had in my pending tray that I was following up.. and when I get to work, there's a string of nit-picky emails explaining everything I've done wrong.Since being in this job, I have been told off for:Leaving lipstick on a coffee cup (not washing it off accurately enough)Opening a piece of mail the postie brought in, thinking that was my job.Wiping my desk - it dried with some streaksWorking extra time even though I never noted it.Being 2 minutes late twice in 6 months of employment.Not saying hello to clients who ever the building soon enough (I wait for them to get through the door first).They told me I'm too nice to the clients and therefore affecting salespeople's incomes because I'm building rapport they should be building with clientelle. Yesterday I was given a false deadline with explanation. It involves using a system I have barely had any experience in, as my boss hoards the work and leaves me to stamp envelopes most days. I was given three hours. I wondered why it was due at that time as the deadline for this usually is 12 hours later than that. I was told to do it anyway. I believe it was a setup, an attempt to see me fail but it backfired and I finished the job in HALF the time allocated with a perfect result. This angered the bully so she went digging for dirt later in the afternoon. It didn’t take long for someone to come forward with something she could use. Rather than discussing with me, again, it was put into a meanly worded email ccing mummy. I hit my limit. I forwarded it to the other company owner, who I have spoken to about this before. When she's tried to talk to the bully about it (and told me about all the complaints they've had about her in the past). As a result of the talking to the bully received, her and mummy began reference checking me to see if they could push me out by my 90 trial period (I read the emails).Anyway, this time, forwarding the co-owner this email, resulted in her and the bully’s mummy pulling me in for a surprise performance review, where they denigrated my productivity in the past six months. They acknowledged nothing positive, the extra hours, the extra work I've done, the fake deadline I’d met that day without any issue. I was told I was two minutes late that day so I'm unreliable. The reason I’ve been late those two times is because my legs go like steel rods as I approach the building and my walking slows down! Two minutes is all it takes.What would you do in this position? I feel I'm about ready to smash something. I am not an angry person. I just want to stick my head down and get on with my work.. but now with every task I do, I'm forced to check and recheck and often redo my hard work because it's not up to my direct boss's standards. Regardless of the fact I spend everyday fixing the bully’s major mistakes.. but I don't know what to do with that information.. I don't want to be as petty as her. I've never said one offensive word to anyone but it's getting harder to resist. It’s the double standards that make me angry the most. The bully can do what she wants under the protection of mummy and everyone's too afraid of mummy to do a thing. Please help!!
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at work, bullied, money, my boss, period, swallow Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2013): Wow. Thank you for the advice everyone! This was a huge help. Makes me realise I'm not alone in this.. and that's of course how you always feel when you're the target of bullying.
I'm definitely looking out for something ASAP... and I'm going to seek legal advice! Congrats to those who suffered through this hell and found great work elsewhere :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2013): money is not everything, I'd sooner clean houses for a living (I know someone who is self employed and does just that it pays really well and she's her own boss) than have to deal with this kind of thing daily, start applying for every kind of job you possibly could do that's really the only option.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013): Here in the UK, we have something called employment tribunal, where you can sue for unfair dismissal, harassment, bullying, constructive dismissal, etc. I'd have alook & see if thers anything similar in your country, & then make it clear to your employer, that unless you are treated fairly & with dignity you will take further action down this route.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013): Sometimes it's better to work a medial job where u are being treated fairly. Even as the job pays the bills it's also killing u. Some jobs yes u should leave. But that may mean working two other jobs to replace the income. It may be less stress in some ways but more stress in other ways. Discuss this with your husband. If u feel bullied u may need to seek employment elsewhere.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 They want you out, probably to bring someone else that they know into your position. I don't know how it works in your country, but here's what I would do if I was in your situation:
1. Find a good lawyer who specializes in labour law, just in case you are let go without a good severance package.
2. Start seeing a therapist and complain about how the stress at work is affecting your mental health. Go every week if you have to, and make sure you get everything documented so that when they do let you go after the 90 day trial (most likely they will), if they don't give you the proper severance package, the notes from your therapist will assist your lawyer in getting you a better package.
3. Start saving all harassing emails. This will come in handy for the lawyer. Start a diary, documenting each time you felt bullied.
4. Research your rights as an employee. If the company has a handbook on its policies, read it from cover to cover. If you have some kind of ministry of labour, you can research your rights with them too. Your goal is to figure out if any labour laws were broken, so that you can prepare yourself if you are called into HR.
5. START LOOKING FOR ANOTHER JOB. This is the most important thing you can do. Try to get out of this toxic environment as soon as possible.
5. Make sure you leave with a good reference from one of the bosses. Make sure this is part of your package.
Unfortunately the current global economy is affecting labour standards in most workplaces. It is an employers' market because jobs are scarce, so it's becoming a dog eat dog world, in which happiness in the workplace is no longer a requirement. As long as the company is profitable that's all that matters. I believe the role of HR is becoming more employer focused rather than supporting the employee. You are not alone in how you are being bullied. I've heard this kind of story over and over again from friends of mine in my country. I believe that most of the people in power today are corporate sociopaths. These people lack a conscience and will have no guilt in stepping over and squashing people for their own personal gain. Most likely your bosses fall into this category.
Just keep calm no matter what they do to you. Always maintain your professional persona with them. Face the stress during the hours that you are there, and then leave it behind when you walk out the door each day. Always remind yourself that this is just a job.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 What would I do? I would PROMPTLY look for other jobs, ANYTHING that pays about the same or something where you can use your skills.
Take EVERYTHING Bully says with a truck load of salt, it's her OWN insecurities that she is projecting on to you. Pathetic, really.
I'd use the "kill her with kindness approach".
I had female supervisor a LOT like yours. She was so scared that I would "take" her job because my academic background was MUCH better and so was my work ethics. I stayed about a year (unfortunately it took me that long to find a job that I really wanted and was suited for) and then I resigned not to my supervisor but to the owner and I cited HER (the supervisor) as the reason. Because I had saved up vacation I didn't HAVE to stay after I gave in my notice.
You know what happened? Two days later the supervisor calls me and wants me to come help train a new person. She never trained me, just said here is your desk. I organized the office, streamlined the work process, honestly ANYONE with just a little sense could have figured it out. They had 10 people in that job for the next few months, they ALL quit due to her.
Boss didn't so anything because he was sleeping with her.
So, the morale of the story is, I landed a REALLY good job, with great co-worker, benefits and environment. So KEEP looking, keep sending out resumes. ( I wouldn't add the company you are currently working in as a reference, but if you get an interview and they ask, I would tell them hostile work environment and not go into details).
Do NOT do extra hours any more either. Unless it pays well and you need the money.
There is nothing WORSE them people like them.
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