A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone! Can we talk oral for a hot minute? I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years, we’re very much in love and have a very healthy sex life. However I can count the times he’s gone down on me on my hands, and each time is because I’ve asked for it ...And when he does - he’s terrible at it!! For me, oral is a vital part of foreplay and I really enjoy it so I try positive reinforcement to encourage him to do it more often but it doesn’t work. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, it surely can’t be smell because I shower beforehand every time in case it’s that.. I’ve never had this problem before, in previous relationships they’ve gone down on me almost every sexy-time and I can tell they’ve enjoyed it. But how can I build his confidence to do it more often while also finding a way to give him directions so it’s better?! I’ve tried telling him how I like it (very rarely because I don’t want to put him off/intimidate him) but he really doesn’t listen to any direction. Help! It’s so frustrating! Also can I add, I go down on him almost every time we have sex and also give him blow jobs when I’m on my period, not that I do it to be reciprocated, but it would be nice to return the favour more..
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male
reader, bobbye  +, writes (13 December 2022):
My take on this is communication it sounds like he is a just go through the motion of it. You said you suck on him and give him blowjobs. Does he like getting that done to him? One answer was to masturbate and let him watch use your finger like you want him to use his tongue explaining as you do it make sure you get yourself off when you do it. You said you have a healthy sex life how is at intercourse, do you orgasm when he screws you? I also agree with another answer that some like it some love it and there are others who hate doing it. I dated a girl who hated sucking my penis but sure loved me having her bounce around on the bed when she had multiple orgasms from me eating her. Maybe stop sucking on him and just stroke him to get him had for intercourse. If asks why tell him.
A
male
reader, liddel +, writes (26 January 2021):
The fact that you praise him for lazy oral sex is interesting. I’m wondering if you praising him for minimal effort reinforces it. You might be able to cajole him into it and it might be more difficult than that. First you need to know yourself on the matter.
I thought every guy had learned that it isn’t about just him being pleased, it’s about pleasing the partner too. For many people, their priority is to please their partner. I would be concerned if I was the only one in the relationship trying to make the sex good and better. That is a lonely job. I know.
As mentioned before, you may have to talk about it. How important is this to you? Is it a necessary component of sex? If so, how important? Is it important enough for you to leave if that is what the next several decades will be like? If you stay and it doesn’t change, are you going to regret staying later in life? No judgments here as life is short and you only get one of them. If it is that important, fix it or move on.
Talking about it would be daunting since it has gone on for two years. Rather than find a way to teach him how to better please you, he might take the message as he isn’t doing a good enough job in the bedroom. That can be devastating to a man. That may cause him to leave anyway.
Maybe you can change it in a fun way. Ask him if he wants a bj, when he says he does, then say ok, but you have to do something for me first. There are games for couples that would require different acts to be done for a certain amount of time. Do your own search but “sexy dice” might be a good query.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2021): You might have him watch you masturbate. Then he might learn a bit better how to please you. I would also explain to him very clearly how important oral is to you. I wonder if there's anything he could do during oral that would help him enjoy it more? Like maybe use a toy on you at the same time?
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2021):
 Have you asked him?
Maybe he really isn't a fan of "giving" oral. Some like to give and receive. Some like to just give, some to just receive.
I think people who don't REALLY enjoy it often do a bad job at it, so they can move on to doing what they REALLY enjoy. Maybe not on purpose, but maybe something they just can't get into.
Don't compare him to exes, that is irrelevant. It's like saying:" I don't get why he doesn't want a steak, but ex LOVED a good steak" Especially if your BF is a Vegan but also because he is a WHOLE other person.
Everyone has PERSONAL preferences. Food, scents, looks and even sex. You have one preference, he another.
You say you have a healthy sex life. So ENJOY that. And consider your overall relationship, are you willing to give that up so you can find a partner who CAN and WILL give oral to YOUR satisfaction?
Sometimes, you can't have it all. I mean if your exes were so great at oral and that is so important... why didn't you stay with them and make it work?
And sometimes, you have to accept that your partner may not BE as great something YOU enjoy, as you would like.
You really aren't OWED that he does oral good. Just like He isn't owed that either.
You COULD try and talk to him, figure out what's up. That would be MY first stop.
And no, it's PROBABLY not about YOU.
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