A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I can't stand my teenage kids anymore. All they do is expect everything and act entitled and I've had enough. I'm out of work right now and cannot afford much my wife works but doesn't make alot of money. I'm thinking of just letting go and not do anything around the house and see if they even bother with trying to improve things. I'm at wits end !!!!
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male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (13 January 2021):
I don't know how to solve your problem except to say that you raised them, and in large part they are the way they are because of how you raised them.
So remember that and be patient. Instead of fighting (if you do), talk to them and tell them how you feel.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2021): Sir, surely many parents of teenagers can identify with your frustrations; but you'll be their father for all eternity. Take a deep-breath! May the good Lord have mercy on your nerves!
It's exasperation that comes from dealing with covid-confinement, economic-despair, and unemployment. That's what's really getting to you! They're just rubbing against raw-nerves and testing your frayed patience. This generation is growing-up during an era different from your own; and those influences outside of your household, including peer pressure; can have an adverse-effect. It's a challenge even for us as adults to stick by our morals and values; when the rest of the world says anything goes, encourages society to feel entitled, and even gives people a misguided notion we have infinite rights to say and do whatever we want. Freedom without responsibility, no boundaries; or compassion and respect for others. Your home has house-rules, set by you and your wife. Enforce them! Not while in a rage, take an extra-strength chill-pill!
Kids feel entitled, because they are over-praised due to the overkill of well-meaning parents trying to instill a healthy self-esteem. Lack of discipline, or over-permissiveness. Parents, grandparents, and guardians who resented their own childhood poverty; trying too hard to give their kids everything they never had. Rewarding them when they haven't really done anything to earn awards or honors. Parents standing-up against anyone who calls their children out for bad-behavior; because of course..."not my kid!" Wealthier parents who think their precious little snotty-nosed spoiled-brats are god's gift to the world; and should be deprived of nothing! Well, there's a price to pay for all this. It's partially your fault as parents; and it has a lot to do with our social-environment, and their exposure to the internet. Ramp-it-up and supercharge that with pop-culture, and the influences from their friends and teenage peers. It comes at them from all sides, poor Dad!
We all live in a materialistic self-indulgent society, all the more enhanced by social media manipulation; which encourages selfishness, profanity, cruelty, racism, prejudice, and exhibitionism. Being derelict of your parental-duties is more of a strike against your own character than theirs. You're the adult in the room! They are still just kids, just too old to be babies, and too young to be adults! I feel your disgust and frustrations; but most adults out there in the world are not much different! You need a break, but you just don't see one; and they are getting on your nerves!!! Besides, if you let the house fall-apart, you'll be in the middle of the mess. That would make you all the more outraged!
Call a family-meeting, and tell them what your economic situation is for the moment. Assign them tasks and chores around the house. If they don't comply, confiscate their phones and devices. Deprive them of face-timing with their friends; until order is restored in your household. Don't blame them if you're losing-it, dear Dad! I know how you feel. I'm not clobbering you with my haughty self-righteousness; I'm just trying to give you a better perspective on things. You're among millions of us in the same boat! You can't catch a break, and your kids aren't making things any easier! It's tougher on them. They don't have experience and maturity to fall back on. Case in point, look at how you're behaving! You're throwing a hissy-fit, and ready to let the house go to hell to prove what???
Send them all to their rooms and get yourself some peace and quiet. Regain your composure. They look to you to make them feel safe. If you fall-apart, they don't know what to do! They sense chaos and disorder! Take some time to meditate and make some plans. This pandemic is getting to us all, and we can't turn on our spouses, kids, and relatives out of our own frustrations and anger. They can't go to school without covid-interruptions, they can't hangout like they used to, everything is either closed or under restrictions; and they have untapped and unused energy bubbling over; and they don't know what to do with themselves! They can't help it, Dad! Calm-down! They're going through their kid's-version of frustration! Just as you worry about food on the table, roof over their heads, clothes on their backs, and the junk they want. Life isn't normal, and everybody has just about had it!!! You maintain stability by keeping a cool-head...fake-it!
Lay-down the law! Suspend what little privileges they do have... but don't get crazy! Restore their privileges, and reward them for their good-behavior and cooperation. Try not to yell! Encourage them to be more adult, and less childish. Get on your knees and pray to God in Heaven to give you strength, and patience. You need some prayer and worship in your life to give your soul some nourishment; so you won't go batty! You have every right to let everybody in that house know who the bosses are; and you need your spouse to back you up. Don't put too much weight on her back, she's struggling with the same problems; while trying to keep a flow of income. Try to cut her some slack; but don't leave her out of governing your unruly household. Money is tight, and they're old enough to know better.
Keep it together, Dad! You're right, just fed-up! Take a breather, then take charge!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2021): Hi
I understand you will be feeling very pressured at the moment due to your unemployment.
Could I suggest that you try to re-educate your teenage children on the realities of hardships and what some families have to live like or used to live like. This could be encouraging them to sit down and watch documentaries and videos that may open their eyes. Work on the way they view the world, ask them to explain their perception of entitlement. Arrange a family meeting and explain about finances, show them your family budget and your outgoings that keep a roof over their heads, and keeps them warm fed and watered. Ask them if they would draw up plans and suggestions about how they could help the family budget, ask them how they could earn their own wages when the (pandemic is over) teach them the value of
water, and show them comparisons of the families that do not have clean water.
Give them credit and opportunity to take this challenge up and OPEN THEIR EYES to real life, put the computer games and social media away for a while.
Household tasks, do a weekly list of jobs with a tick box, make it fun, do it to music and dance, or put a earn your pocket money price list next to each task, a great way to teach them to EARN their own money.
Re educate and speak to them as teens that need preparing for adulthood soon, you may be very very surprised at the results.
This is an ideal time to re-educate kids and teach them the true values of life.
Try and be kind to yourselves during hard times and make REALITY an important feature.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2021): Have you sat down with your wife an spoke about the issues within the household ? Family dynamics are all different and we first need to open up and be honest to what we expect.
Teenagers are not clairvoyant...they need to be prepped into what you want them to do and what ages are we speaking about ? As if they are younger than 15teen I think you really need to realise that are still young and need to be guided and yes they should know that money is tight at the minute but they shouldn't be saddled with adult woes or worry about money .
So first off have open conversation with your wife . Set up schedule on what the kids could do like .. hoovering and dusting.. bringing the washing down . Help with folding up . Etc start with manageable tasks and have a family meeting to go over them
My nine year old who is a girl helped make meatballs for the family. She also helps walk the dog with her daddy . And folds etc she loves helping . She keeps her room tidy .. meaning she plays and then tidies up..but that's been ongoing since she was lil .
Chin up .. as a dad your well just breathe
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2021):
 You know, they didn't just magically become this way. It didn't happen overnight.
YOU and your wife raised them (I hope) so... Before you decide how much you can't stand than, look at yourself a moment.
Have your kids never had chores? Have they not worked for extra cash but was given "everything"? Do they know the value of money and work?
I ask, because I have seen SO many of my own teens friends who thought it was weird that my kids had (still do) chores, that they cook and if they wanted something expensive, they WORKED after school for it. As long as it didn't interfere with their grades.
My kids (youngest is 16, oldest 20) are pretty good with money. Generally. They are pretty good with chores too, though... I have to say NOT so great at keeping their rooms clean. Which I do partly subscribe to them being teens.
They do their own laundry. They keep the bathroom upstairs clean, they do the dishes, help cook and various other chores I need/want done. Since my 2 oldest are both working they pay for their own phones, insurance on one car (the one that DRIVES them to work),they pay for their own clothes, shoes etc.
I'm not saying that my kids are perfect, they are not. But they do know the value of money and understand that chores is for everyone.
You live in the house too. You know DAMNED well that if you "just stop doing things" your wife will work ANMD have to do the house chores. Your kids are NOT magically going to do the chores.
MAKE a chore list of what needs done. Talk it OVER with your wife. Sit your kids down and either assign chores or let them pick. If they moan, DON'T throw a fit. YOU (and your wife) taught them to be like this...) Be firm, don't negotiate and if you have to, SUPERVICE them. They need to be told that EVERYONE has to pitch in.
And keep looking for a job, even part time, so you can GET out of the house a little. (if possible) Just like you, consider that your kids might be going a little stir crazy too.
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