A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Lately my b/f has made comments about my hairstyle, stating that I never change it - or my eyebrows (he thinks they're too thick). So while we were visiting family out of town, I went to the salon one day, got my eyebrows waxed, got highlights in my hair, and had the girl blow-dry it straight (I normally wear it curly because I have a perm and it's easier!) I felt like a million bucks! When I saw my b/f later that evening, he never even noticed! He just kept asking me what I had done all afternoon at the mall. Finally after about an hour, I told him!! He tried to say that he had noticed my hair, but didn't say anything. (yeah, right!) When I mentioned that I might have a hard time "duplicating" the blown-straight look my stylist did for me, he made a snide comment saying, "Oh, so in other words, you're just going to go back to wearing it the same old way.." That really hurt my feelings! And I reminded him, that he hasn't changed his hairstyle in years either,thank you very much!b Now I'm extremely self conscious about the way I look and it's affecting me! I feel so unattractive since he made that comment. I've tried to blow dry my hair straight but it never looks as good as when a stylist does it! Why does he have to make comments like that, which are hurtful and unkind? I don't understand why men do this! Most people I know, say that I am very attractive and I still turn plenty of heads when I'm out and about. How do I get past these feelings of inadequency?
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female
reader, pica +, writes (16 November 2006):
I don't know if you will ever be able to please him - sounds like he'll just the move goalposts whenever you try. He may well get a kick out of seeing you try and fail though. Perhaps best to leave him to deal with these issues himself, sorry.
A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (16 November 2006):
 You know, I really get a feeling hes insecure with himself. He feels the need to put you down to make himself feel better, as he then gets the upper hand! His snide remarks are purely based on the fact that that he knows you still turn head and that youre beautiful, and that shows that hes a very insecure person who thinks that by putting you down, he gets to feel like hes got one up on you! Believe or not, that actually makes him feel good inside! I hate advicing ppl to break up (which seems to be the advice almost anyone give nowadays if something even remotely bad happens!!) and that although his trait is not a healthy one, it is changeable. You just need to sit him down and be really frank with him. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2006): Your boyfriend sounds like he does not appreciate you and is nit picking at things, sometimes people do this when they are unhappy with themselves, or feeling unsure about the relationship. You went to all that effort for him and he did not comment on it. Men are visual creatures but in a relationship there needs to be emphasis on more than just looks! Don't let this affect your confidence, there is more to life than spending hours trying to look a certain way. Focus on your good features, you are obviously a caring person who wants to please her partner. Good on you for telling him a few home truths!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2006): One way to get past your feelings of inadequacy is to get rid of this man! He sounds inconsiderate and rather nasty.
Don't change your hairstyle - or your lifestyle - to accommodate him: do what pleases YOU and the heck with him!
You deserve someone who will appreciate you for who you are.
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