A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend always wants sex and I hate sex more than anything. Is it normal for me to feel so guilty for saying no. he gives me this rude attitude after I tell him my answer, helpppp I dont know what to do. I have talked to him about it a million times but he still doesnt get it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): If that is not your situation, were you a virgin before dating your boyfriend? Did you feel ready to have sex with him, or did you feel pressured to do so? Does he make you feel loved and appreciated when he's not trying to get you into bed? Does he provide plenty of foreplay to get you in the mood, or is he only concerned with his own pleasure? Do you have any sexual feeling for him at all--i.e., do you enjoy it when he kisses and fondles you?Assuming that you were not sexually abused earlier, then either your boyfriend has no clue how to get you turned on, or the two of you are just not compatible. If it's the former, talk to him; if it's the latter, then the other aunts who've suggested that you two should not be together are correct. If you have been abused, please get counseling so you can enjoy sex within the context of a loving relationship.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): Well talking to him a million times more isn't going to change things. You're just not compatible OP. Time to find a guy who is.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Maybe he isn't the boyfriend for you, when you are so different. How can he possibly make you happy when you feel forced into sex and he develops an attitude when rejected?
You hate sex. He loves it. This can't work out. It's not about him "not getting it", it's about you not getting it as well. You and him aren't compatible! There's nothing further to get here. You can't see things from his point of view and he can't see them from yours, hence you are not compatible.
Why do you hate sex? And do you really think you can have a healthy relationship if you never have sex? Have you sought therapy for this? It is not normal to hate sex, that means you are either asexual, or you have experienced some sexual trauma such as abuse, which has caused you to resent it. In either case you should seek therapy for clarity into this issue so you can be better prepared for a relationship and find a man who is right for you. This one obviously isn't right for you, and you aren't right for him. Sorry to be so blunt about it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): I agree with the other posters that the relationship should end now, and I think the OP shouldn't be in any relationships in the near future.
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A
female
reader, uroboros  +, writes (11 December 2011):
was he your first sexuall partner? if so, maybe he's doing something you don't want him to do, and that affects your attitude towards sex, which in face might be your attitude towards sex with that particular person.
tell him how you feel, he will either stay with you to fix the problem together, or go his own way.
altough i think he's not the right person for you, if he was you wouldn't love to get phisicall with him.
good luck!!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (11 December 2011):
 He is not right for you. You are not right for him.
If he was right for you, you would want to have sex with him. Because the right person would make you feel that you wanted to be close to him, and he would also treat you in such a way that it would only be a nice experience.
Your boyfriend really needs a different type of girlfriend, and a different person.
Tell him that it just doesn't work, and finish with him. Then wait for the right person.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (11 December 2011):
It would be normal for him to want sex to point of orgasm at least two or three times a day.
You're entitled to say no thanks of course but then you just [ both of you ] have to accept that you are mutually incompatible and move on with no hard feelings [ as it were ].
You might [ separately as an issue ] want to analyse why you don't want sex with him ? Is it just you find him physically unattractive ? Do you look at other males and imagine sex with them ? Or does the whole idea of pants-off activities with lads turn you off ?
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (11 December 2011):
What have you actually said to him when you've tried to talk to him? And what does he say about things?
I think you two are mismatched and you're probably both better off finding someone more compatible. You shouldn't have to feel pressured into sex, and your bf should find someone who wants to have a sexual relationship.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (11 December 2011):
You are in a relationship where you and your boyfriend have very different expectations. I don't know what you want, but it clearly isn't sex. I don't know why he wants to be in a relationship with you, or what his expectations were going in, but it doesn't seem consistent with what you want.
It seems very clear to me that this is a relationship that should end. Now. And forever.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 I can see both sides here. No one should be pressured into sex and unwanted sex is nauseating but on the other hand a relationship without sex is just a friendship and you will lack that special closeness and intimacy that can only be achieved with a sexual relationship. If you think you will never want sex again I think you should tell him and give him the opportunity to get out.
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