A
female
age
36-40,
*sh---X
writes:I really need help....I have been with my BF for 3yrs nearly and i just dont no wot to do.At 1st we would argue but he would blame it all on me, he'd make me feel really small from the things he would say to me and i found it hard to say stuff back because i knew whatever i sed would be wrong and i always thought if i didn't say anything then maybe we would stop arguing but that never worked,because i would just sit there and not say anything,then he would get even madder then he would tell me to f**king get out of his room and go downstairs before he hits me but his mum and dad are always downstairs,so i would never want to go downstairs and let them see me like upset,i would stand by his door and say sorry but then he would argue more with me then he would just like get out of bed and run at me n start hitting me untill i was down on the floor trying to curl up into a ball and crying that much i couldn't breath,then he would stand up and say sorry and promise it wont happen again,i would always say it was ok then tell him i think it would be best if i went home but then he would always say go on then so when i would go to leave go or go to text a friend for a lift he would be like what u doing then say well if you go don't even think of coming back it will be ova for good but because i love him so much i would always stay,then the next day i would be all nice like ask him if he wanted breakfast,if he needed anything done or if he wanted me to go to the shop for him things like that so it was like if im doing things for him he can't be mad it me but every so offten this would always happen.The hits would be in my head my arms my back my legs and the ammount of time's i have ad a bruise's on my arm's that are nearly the as wide of my arm is unreal but i would always have to make up a story about how i done it when we was messing around to my family.I see it in his eyes when he get's mad that he is going to hit me you can just see everything in his eyes im scared to tell him how i feel incase i say something wrong and even if he went to move i would flinch like i think he is going to hit me,i have asked to get help and he says only if i go with him but i have told this is something he needs to on his own if he really wants to be with me.We split up in Feb and i was really upset and hurt but i was happy and it felt good to be happy seeing as i haven't for a long time,about a month ago i seen him al my feelings come back and i got back with him and i was happy but he hit me again i told him that if he does it 1 more time that will be it but it happend again,i cant leave him though i want this relationship to work so much i love him so much.I have never told anyone this i really need help i can't tell my friend's as i no even if i asked them not to say anything to my family they will then my family will stop me from seeing him,my mum is ill and with all this it makes everthing so hard i take it all out on my mum because he puts me in a bad mood and makes her worse, i sometimes think i need to see someone and get help.Please help thanks :)X
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2007): He does not love you. You need to realize this. Actions like abuse are far better indicators of his feelings for you than the rare times he says anything positive to you. Tell your family and friends about what he has done to you then look into pressing charges against him. Abusers don't stop on their own. You have to step up and stop him. Stop this person from hurting you or others who he may go after when he's done using you as a punching bag. Also get some professional help to overcome what this person has done to your self esteem.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (17 August 2007):
 Hi
Forgot to say you could also call Refuge as well, seeing as you are in the Uk.
C xxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 August 2007):
 Dearest, you cannot tolerate the hitting. That alone is enough for me to say that you should try to put as much distance between him and you as possible. This isn't going to change; it will only get worse and worse, and who knows what will happen next?
You need to respect yourself. The way he used to talk to you at first, the hitting, his entire behavior, are all meant to lower your self-esteem. You need to understand that you have value and he's not recognizing it; you are not to tolerate such a treatment. Someone who beats you and treats you this way does not love you, dear.
Love is when you glow in the relationship, not when you have to hide the bruises.
Your family would do only so well in preventing you from seeing this man. Why do you want to see him? So you can get beaten again? Dear, you should try to tell everyone and find help in your family and friends. Don't stay with this man for another minute!
You need a lot of help and we would be happy to give it to you. But, take the first step yourself: leave this man.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (17 August 2007):
 Hi, you are suffering so badly. If you really want to make this relationship work, then you should go with him as support for help. You really dont deserve this and you should be treated better. I assume that you do not have any children.If you dont get help now, things would be worse when you start a family.Go for counselling or see a therapist (atleast this would be the start). If none of that work,then you should leave this relationship before he does something that he would regret. If he really loves you why is he putting you through all that pain? Analyse your relationship carefully.Do you really want to be in an abusive relationship forever,no one deserves that. Seek help and then see if there is a change in your relationship.The reason it keeps happening is beacuse every time you leave him you come back or you just give him empty threats.Stand your ground!I understamd that you love him but dont you think you would be happier with someone that loves you as much as you love him?You need and deserve better and if you bf cant give it to you, you gotta look elsewhere. You are worth more then that!Take care and mail me if you wanna talk
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (17 August 2007):
Hi
I think you probably do, in fact yes, you do.
He wont take you seriously when you say if he does it again you are leaving because you said it & didnt stick with it.
You should of got out the first time to be honest. But thats hindsight for you.
I am a bit amazed that you actually got away from him in february yet went back. Thats the indication you do need to speak to someone. I would give relate a ring. Make an appointment. Or even go & speak to your doctor if you have a good enough relationship with them.
He isnt ever going to change. Dont even bother with the anger management for him. If he wants to do that after you have gone thats up to him. His parents probably do know what is going on, you're in their house, they aren't deaf are they & they know you dont get bruises like that on a reg basis from anything other than abuse.
You need to get away from him & fast!
Good luck.
C xxxxxx
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