A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 19 (20 at the end of 2011) I'm currently with my boyfriend who is 22 we have been together for 3 months and are living together (ano sounds crazy) he is in the army and is away a lot but recently we have decided to have a baby after a disappointment in december. Do you think we are doing the right thing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 January 2011):
 Being an army girlfriend is no bundle of laughs, and you will spend a lot of time on your own. There are many factors about your relationship which are difficult before you even factor in the short length of time you have been together or having a baby.
What if he gets moved to a different army base? Would you go with him? What if he gets sent to a base abroad? Germany perhaps? You would be stuck, on your own, no friends, no family, and the prospect of raising a child ON YOUR OWN, while he is off on exercise or out in theatre.
Then there is the prospect of what if. I know its horrible, but being an army wife or GF you have to accept the what ifs. What if he gets hurt. Injured, or worse. Would you be able to cope with looking after a child as a single parent. Would you be able to cope with looking after a seriously injured man and a child?
At 19, are you willing to throw your life away without thinking about the consequences.
You have not lived. You have known this guy 3 months. You may not be together in another 3 months.
In the three months you have been together, how much time have you actually spent in each others company?
Add it all up.
You shouldnt consider children until you are in a stable, long term and committed relationship. Wait a couple of years, you will still be young.
A
female
reader, becky7984 +, writes (11 January 2011):
i was with my ex for 3months and caught pregant,i dont regret my daughter at all but i do regret him and not getting to no him first as he turned out to be a raging alcoholic who enjoyed 2 abuse me...BULLY!! ur only young u got plenty of time 2 have kids!
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female
reader, Battista +, writes (11 January 2011):
I think it's a terrible idea; your immaturity and naivety is clearly manifest in the fact that you think this might be a good plan. There are many good answers here already. Please read them and carefully consider the points made by the aunts and uncles.
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female
reader, mami18  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 i dont think its a good idea right now im eighteen with a 3 month old and its very hard to do it all by your self and very tiring maybe you should wait till he could be home more to help and right now just have your free time. well good luck eith everything i hope my answer will help you out a little bit
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 January 2011):
 No, I think you are being very irrespondible just considering the possibility of getting pregnant. You are only 19 , and you two have not been together long enough to consider even adopting a pet together.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (11 January 2011):
 No. Having a baby would be VERY foolish, you have been together for 3 months! Come on, are you seriously thinking that you know each other well enough and have got past the honeymoon phase of the relationship to know that this will last forever?
To have a baby you need to bring it into a stable environment where you can give it the best life possible - and at your age, and in your current circumstances you cannot give it the best life possible. Your relationship is only just starting out, you are still in the very early stages and are still just discovering new things about each other. If you were to put such a huge strain as having a child on the relationship right now then I would almost guarantee you would split up - the distance of having him away in the army + the massive stress of a baby is a recipe for disaster for someone as young as you.
To be 20, living alone a lot while your boyfriend is away, with a young baby, you would just go mad and you would not cope with the pressure. Having your first baby is one of the most traumatic things you can go through, you need a lot of support around you, you need emotional maturity which comes with age (sorry but at 20 you are nowhere near there yet) and you need an incredibly strong and stable relationship with your boyfriend to ensure that you can raise a child. And right now, you have none of these things.
I understand that it would seem like a lovely thing to have a child, and while you are in the honeymoon phase of the relationship everything seems like a good idea. You are obviously madly in love therefore in your eyes having a baby would only make things better. But the reality is that in the honeymoon phase, you dont put the relationship under any strain because everything is so great and happy that nothing causes any pressure. But as time goes on, and little habits start annoying each other, and the distance becomes more and more of a problem.....it will soon start to test the relationship and see whether it is cut out to last or not. But having a baby - this is too much of a pressure and would kill the relationship dead in its tracks before it really had got started.
Think about it - you will be massively sleep deprived (think 2 hours per night max), alone while your boyfriend is away with the Army, still in some pain and discomfort from the birth (side effects last a LONG time), with a tiny sleeping, eating and pooping machine to look after full time. You will be so stressed and tired you will take it all out on your partner whenever he comes home, and because he is only home for short periods that stress will be intensified. he will want to come home to his new baby and lovely girlfriend but will find a stressed, tired and hormonal girlfriend and a screaming child. It will just be a pressure cooker and your relationship is too new to handle stress like this.
I cant tell you enough how much of a bad idea this is - you are young and in love, just be happy with that and enjoy yourselves while you can. You are only young once, and babies and responsiblity can come later. You should just focus on enjoying your time with your boyfriend, making the most of being together and being able to do all those lovely new couple things, like staying up late into the night talking about anything and everything, going out for walks holding hands, going to the cinema whenever you feel like it, going out for drinks in the evening and getting dressed up for him....all those great things that come with being a couple would be taken away if you had a baby, and life would revolve around this little bundle of screaming joy, you would have no time for each other and that would be the end of romance as you know it.
You only get the opportunity to enjoy the early phases of a relationship once - if you stay with him forever then this is a once in a life time chance to just enjoy this part of your lives together. Dont throw this wonderful time away just because you think having someone to love while he is away will make you feel better - it wont. It will break you up and you will be a single mum wondering where it all went wrong.
So just wait, get used to life as an Army girlfriend, enjoy being young and in love and see what happens over the next year or so. You have all the time in the world for babies, but you only get time alone with your true love once. So make the most of it now while you can!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Don't have a baby yet. You are very young and you have only been together a short time. As he is in the army you would be alone with a young baby a lot of the time, which would be easier when you are a bit more mature. I am tempted to say wait until you have been together at least a year or two. There is absolutely no rush. If your relationship is stable and going somewhere you can wait. Enjoy being young, once you have children, as lovely as they are, life is about compromise and putting them first.
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female
reader, xanthic +, writes (11 January 2011):
 The fact that you're even considering this shows you are by no means ready to have a baby yet. You've only been together three months and he's away all the time, is that really an ideal environment for a child? I know you already know what the right answer is. Get to know each other, don't even think about children for another year or two.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Forget the army part for a minute. You have been together for 3 months, you hardly know each other really. I would say, give it at least another year of living together and getting used to him being gone before even considering children.
Just think about how long he's going to be away from you and how you'd cope with a baby by yourself. You are very young so there is no rush to have children. Don't you want a career and a life first?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 January 2011):
 No I don't think having a baby after knowing each other for 3 months is a very smart thing.
Get to KNOW him before you decide whether he is Daddy material or not.
Be financially stable ( not his paycheck) but that you could stand on your own with a baby, BEFORE considering having a child.
Honestly I think you are slightly crazy for not giving this more thought. Army life is NOT an easy life by no means.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): too early to have a baby, give it some moe time, about 24 to 36 Months
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