A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 15 years slept with a guy he’d been messaging online, while I was working. He says it was a terrible mistake and he was just curious. As it turns out he’s been in gay sites for years but never did anything physical about it, till now. He says he’s not into men and not gay. Obviously I’m not convinced. He’s had erection problems throughout our relationship. We have a son together. Would you think he was just curious for that length of time or in denial about being into men? I don’t want to be his cover story. I’d rather he moved out and let me get on with my life. He won’t leave.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (22 November 2019):
 Your profile says you are in the UK. Why are you saying you would need to move 6 hours away? Where in the UK is there no housing within 6 hours? Do you mean you would need to move back to family or something like that? That is obviously an option but not the only one. Just because there is no housing available in your immediate area (and I do wonder where you live for that to be true), does not mean you/he can't move to a nearby area, especially as there is a child involved would should have contact with both his parents.
A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (21 November 2019):
You can check with Citizens Advice to find out what your rights are with regards to getting him out. I’m not sure why one of you would have to move 6 hours away though - you can travel half the length of the UK in that time (it’s approx 13 hours to get from the most northerly to the most southern point by car) so I’m sure there’s somewhere closer one of you could live?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone. I’m just gonna have to figure out how to get him to leave. I pay the bills and run a business. There’s no housing in the area. Either one of us will have to move 6 hours away. I don’t know how to legally get him out. I suspect the fact we have a child together, will affect how the law would deal with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2019): Mistake? Bullshit! That's what they all say after they get caught! Want to live the rest of your life in turmoil wondering, waiting for this to happen again? Because it will.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2019): I'm gay, but that doesn't make me an expert, or the ambassador and spokesman for homos; but I'm with you not to be convinced he's not into men.
Let's put it this way, it stayed a matter on his mind; until he put his curiosity into action! He went beyond wondering what it's like, to knowing what it's like!
He can deny it, but once you cross that line...you're no longer just curious!
If he has erectile-problems with you, seems weird he'd go make it known to anyone outside your relationship. Men with ED don't usually make it a point to make it share it outside a closed-circle of confidants. Few even want their doctors to know! I do have to say, he doesn't have to be the "giver."
The mistake is dragging someone into a long-term committed-relationship; while you're uncertain of your sexual-orientation. The biggest mistake is lying to someone who loves and trusts you!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 November 2019):
He's been on gay sites for years and he met up with a man for sex yet he says he is not gay? WTF?
Open your eyes, sweetie. He's bi at the very least. Worst of all, he is a cheater. Whether or not he accepts your relationship is over as a result of his cheating is not YOUR problem. YOU need to make a decision on whether you can live constantly wondering (a) whether your boyfriend is cheating on you and (b) whether he prefers men. Is this how you want to live your life or do you believe, like I do, that you deserve better?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2019): Your man is gay. He doesn't want to be. Maybe he loves you and wishes he could be straight. Maybe he has a lot of internalized homophobia. But either way he's wasting your time. And aside from anything else, he's cheated on you. It sounds like you want to break up because you say *he won't leave* not, I don't want him to leave.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 November 2019):
 He might not WANT to be gay or he might be bi or he might HAVE been CURIOUS about a man/man experience.
However, ALL that aside, being CURIOUS about sex with another person when in a monogamous relationship, IS cheating and unless you have an "open" relationship, I think it's a TOTAL deal breaker, REGARDLESS of the sex of the person he had sex with. For me, the relationship would be over. Finito!
He might not WANT to leave but really WHY on Earth should you want him to stay? He can't "make you" stay in a relationship with him.
I get that YOU rather he moves out, but IF he refuses it might be EASIER for you to find a new place to live and you and your son move out.
Legally, I'm not sure if you can "kick him out".
Since you aren't married, the legal aspect of a break up might be different ( I don't know if England has common law relationship laws).
Maybe what you need to do is contact Citizen's bureau and see what LEGAL options you have.
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