A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have some savings that my partner doesn’t know about. It was money that I saved up over many years and that I have set aside as an emergency fund, in case one of us loses our job, or gets sick, or we break up (I’m not planning to break up, but who knows what could happen in 10 years time). He isn’t silly with money but he is more inclined to spend it, whereas I would rather keep a healthy buffer for unforeseen events. We are getting married next year and I’m wondering whether I should tell him about this money or not. Is it ok to have a secret saving account? I’m not planning to stash any more away without him knowing, just keep the amount I’ve already saved to one side. It gives me peace of mind to know that I have that bit of cash available should I ever need it.
View related questions:
money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 November 2019):
 Whether he's great at saving or more inclined to spend, it's easier for you to forget it's there if he doesn't know about it.
I don't see anything wrong with it, personally, and admit to being more like your boyfriend than you when it comes to money, so I couldn't fault a husband who kept a hidden stash. If my weakness is money and his weakness is me, that I would be relieved and happy if I discovered, in the event of an emergency you described, that he had a back up plan all along.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (22 November 2019):
 This money is yours, so don't join it with his - joint savings can be started after marriage. That said, there's no point marrying him if you don't trust him enough to tell him about the money. Not only that, but if he demands that you join it with his and doesn't understand why it's your separate one for emergencies, then it may be worth not staying with him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2019): No don't tell him and I advise you to keep your earnings seperate but share the household expenses.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 November 2019):
 Personally I would not bother telling him. It's YOUR money, not his. It's there in case of an emergency. It was saved up before you married.
In your shoes I would say nothing. IF it is ever needed, it is there. It's nothing to do with him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2019): It's your private stash that you squirreled-away for a rainy-day; and nothing has to be mentioned of it, until or unless it's needed.
I would think fiscal-irresponsibility, and the lack of judgement; when it comes to your financial affairs is a huge red-flag, if not a dealbreaker. It's a sign that you're going to wind-up in debt; or always pulling this guy out of a mess.
It's your money, and none of his business! Even if you do decide to marry him, regardless of what you know now; if he knew about it, he would have no motivation to be money-wise. He'd be counting on whatever debt he incurred, you are the one capable of bailing him out!
You better have a very serious talk with him about finances; or it will be the very thing that will end your marriage.
I recommend that you both see a financial-planner together, before you marry; and learn how to budget, save, invest, and manage your money. Then you shouldn't have to hide anything. Always have a secret piggy-bank, my mother used to call it "mad-money!"
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2019): I think it's actually something ALL women should have. Especially if you have kids or plan to have kids. An emergency fund for getting tf out of there JUST IN CASE. It's so important. And no one thinks they'll need it but so many things can happen. I wouldn't feel like you have to tell him at all or you might find your emergency fund gets used for something that he considers an emergency and you don't.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (20 November 2019):
 I may give an answer contrary to other aunts/uncles but let me explain. I have went through 2 divorces..one I wasn't prepared for..the other I was. It is scary to not have any money saved up and not know what you are going to do so yes, to me, I believe its ok to have a little money set aside...JUST IN CASE.
Just in case could be anything really..an unplanned vacation, car trouble, medical emergency..just mad money but its ok to have some. Its actually smart. Whether you choose to tell your soon to be husband or not? Its up to you..but it is YOURS.
I wholeheartedly agree with Honeypie that before you marry its a good idea to sit down and have the money chat. Are you going to have joint accounts? separate accounts? Both? Who is going to pay for what or does it all go in the same pot? Know each other's finances/obligations so that there are no surprises.
Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 November 2019):
 I think it's OK as you are not YET married.
But I DO think it's a good idea to let him know BEFORE you two tie the knot. And I think you two should DEFINITELY have a chat about how to maybe BUILD a savings account together AFTER you get married.
Lastly I think it's SMART to have a "rainy day" account. And I think THIS money is yours.
...............................
|
