A
female
age
30-35,
*atcatcat
writes:I love my boyfriend to death - I feel like we're perfect for each other and we communicate really well and love each other so much - but we have a huge problem.Firstly - Because of our culture we do not have sex, but we are soon to get married.I am a very insecure girl - ive been through a lot in my life. I've explained to him everything I have been through and he is fully aware of how much i need him to help me gain confidence and feel beautiful like everyone else. But instead he makes racy comments about other women as often as he can. Whenever we talk about any celebrity, he has to say something sex-related which hurts my feelings. whenever i get mad he either says he was kidding or says im too sensitive.I understand he is horny and thinks a lot about sex, especially that we are not practicing any and he needs his release. And i also understand that its totally natural for both of us to find others attractive - but id rather not hear about it. I want to hear that I AM attractive, not others! Not only do i hear about it constantly, but whenever i explain to him how painful it is he keeps repeating "i love you i love you you know that" but continues to hurt my feelings and say stuff that makes me feel insecure. He also indirectly makes me feel fat and im pretty sure he does it on purpose to "encourage me to work out" and he keeps insisting how healthy it is to eat well and excercise although i know the real reason why he wants me to - not because of wellbeing but because he selfishly wants me to look perfect. I recently went on a crash diet and joined the gym for the first time ever. Losing weight is on my mind 24/7. He can see how hard this is for me and how much of an effort im making to feel better about myself and feel beautiful but he continues his ways of making ratty comments.I am becoming obsessive with the way i look and i have to examine every girl i see in the street and compare myself to her. What hurts me most is that he does not feel bad at all. I know i might be unreasonable but i am severly insecure and i really need his help, and he's doing the opposite right now.He recently said a very painful remark .. he said he was "scared of cheating on me" because he was so horny. Im pretty sure my looks have something to do with this as well and i cant help but think he's trying to get me ready for something hes planning to do in the future, and i told him so but he denied it:(I'd love to be the fully secure type of couple who openly discuss the attractiveness of others - but its too painful and destructive for me :(... Please pleeease help me!!
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confidence, gain confidence, horny, I love you, insecure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (25 March 2010):
 A fully secure couple who can openly discuss the attractiveness of others can do that because they KNOW that they are the sexiest people in the world to each other. Your boyfriend is not doing his job and not making you feel secure about yourself. He doesn't make you feel beautiful and sexy. And, his remark to you is totally offensive - that he's "scared of cheating" on you? It's like he's warning yo u that he will.
I don't know if marrying this man is the greatest idea. Sounds like you'll just be working your ass off trying to make him find you attractive. You shouldn't have to spend all of your time working for his affection - that will make for a very long marriage and a miserable one. You should be with someone who makes you feel totally secure, loved and gorgeous. Someone who is hurting your feelings and making you feel bad about yourself will make for a pretty awful husband.
Something to think about. You deserve better than this. Good luck, sweetness!
A
female
reader, england  +, writes (25 March 2010):
get out of this relationship your boyfriend is supposed to love you for who you are not what you look like I mean not everyone can look like Victoria Beckham don't feel like you have to compare yourself to other people you are who you are he either lives with it or loses you talk to him and tell him how you feel.
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A
female
reader, kayla20 +, writes (25 March 2010):
 should you really be marrying someone who makes you feel low in self confidence and who basically is telling you that sooner or later he is going to cheat on you and talking about how sexually attracted to other women he is.this is no way to be with someone who you are supposed to love whether your insecure or not.does he not compliment you at all?seems to me like his setting his sights else where and if he cant love you for the way you were made then you should reconsider being with this person as it makes you think about how happy you will be in the future
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