A
female
age
30-35,
*lackroses2989
writes: Hello all, I'm in such a deliemma with my boyfriend, I always feel like he cares more about himself that he des me. When we have sex, we dont really do much foreplay, well thats to say its not returned. I do things to him but he wont do anything back. Then if I'm foreplaying with him and I stop, I better have sex with him right when he pulls me down or else he pushes me off. I feel so hurt by him most of the time. His favorite hobby is to go to sleep and let me drive him to work or to sleep while I clean! It goes far beyond sex. We live together and whenever I clean the house, I have to beg him to help me or make him. If I make him do it, I'm a bitch, but if I don't I dont get ANY help. Luandry, dishes, mopping/ scrubbing the floors, sweeping, cleaning the garage or front yard, its all me. And when he wants something he will always turn it around and say I made something for you or I did this for you. Even though he really just makes it or does it for himsef. Like last night, I had made xmas gift baskets for family and friends ( both mine and his) and I had made cookies to put in the baskets. When I picked him up from work I brought him all the extra cookies I made. Apparently it wasnt enough because when we got home he made the rest of the cookies. ( although the oven was smoking, and the smoke dectector nearly went off lol) He knew I was hungry so he said he was making them for me, but he also knows that I can't eat cookies because I've been on an extremely strict vegtable, fruit, meat/fish diet because high bp runs in my family and mine was 144/74 when I went to the dr. Anyways thats just a very very small example he does that all the time, but what I can't STAND, is tht I do everything for him and when I want to do something he complains soooo much. You have to understand he is a great bf despite his selfishness. I love him and I know he loves me back. But at the same time hes like a big kid that refuses to grow up. He complains about cleaning or doing things that I want to do. I dont think I'm asking too much. We are both going to college, he's working, and I'm changing jobs. He just turned 20, and I'm 19. I need help, We are making this work but I feel like i'm wearing both the pants and the apron! Please any advice would be so much help. Thank you so much!
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female
reader, blackroses2989 +, writes (22 December 2008):
blackroses2989 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hi all! Thank you so much for all your help! My boyfriend and I talked it over last night, I let him read what I wrote. He asked me if he really did that, he was pretty down, he appologized for being such a bad boyfriend. Reading everyones answers really helped him to be more with it. So far he's acting very responsible. He did the dishes last night, and told me he would do the laundry tonight. This morning he was very giving in bed. I think he really needed to hear everyone elses opinions about his actions, it has really made him realize how it affected me. Well so far, so good. I just hope it will last! Cross your fingers!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2008): Dump him. Jesus! Why are all this young women putting up with crappy boyfriends? If he isn't making you happy, DUMP HIM! The time it took you to write out what a shitty boyfriend he is was a complete waste of your time. DUMP HIM. Is this how you want the rest of your life to be? You should be out having fun... not taking care of some man-child. My god, I am almost 40 and I wished when I was 19 that I had someone telling me what I am telling you now. DUMP HIM. Women really need to get over the idea that they are the ones who should make all the sacrifices in a relationship. You deserve better. DUMP HIM and go be happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2008): You get what you put up with. You know what he's like. Your both young. You don't need to put up with this. He's selfish in the bedroom and out. How is he a great b/f?
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A
male
reader, urbanking99  +, writes (20 December 2008):
It seems to me that your boyfriend has all the benefits from this relationship and none of the responsibility. Relationships are about communicating and understanding one another. Personally I don't feel your boyfriend is being true to you or himself. You're 19 don't get tied down too early, there is lots of life to explore. Go out and get some of that enjoyment for yourself. Loving each other may not be quite enough now as I think you want more from him than he is prepared to give. Alternatively do nothing at all for him and see what happens then maybe he will be more understanding if not then he has to go.
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A
male
reader, urbanking99 +, writes (20 December 2008):
It seems to me that your boyfriend has all the benefits from this relationship and none of the responsibility. Relationships are about communicating and understanding one another. Personally I don't feel your boyfriend is being true to you or himself. You're 19 don't get tied down too early, there is lots of life to explore. Go out and get some of that enjoyment for yourself. Loving each other may not be quite enough now as I think you want more from him than he is prepared to give. Alternatively do nothing at all for him and see what happens then maybe he will be more understanding if not then he has to go.
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (20 December 2008):
 You two are young...
Keep in mind, you can not change someone.
If talking to him fails, try being boyfriend and girlfriend while not living together. That gives him time to grow up.
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