A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I am currently dating someone who can drink socially,without getting crazy. However, I can't. He knows this, and discourages me from drinking because it always ends up with me saying hurtful things to him, and sometimes even violence. However, his birthday is coming up, and he tells me that his friend and him are planning a party for the both of them...This is fine, but I don't know if I can handle going to that being around a bunch of drunk people and NOT drinking. Is he being inconsiderate by having this party?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Good work for taking it on the chin! I know it can be really helpful to talk to people about some things as getting problems out in the open can really give you a different perspective, even if you don't always get the answers you are hoping for. You'll work it out. Hope it goes ok.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow thank you so much. This helped me clear my head a little, and stop my spoiled,selfish thoughts. I apologized to him for trying to make hi cancel his party, and I still have not decided whether I am going to go or not, but you all definitely helped. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): It's his birthday and ffs,s you are a grown up, it's a party you don't have to drink. I mean if someone fills up your glass, it doesn't mean that you have to drink it!
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female
reader, Tine  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 No i don't think that he is being inconsiderate at all, everyone is entitled to a birthday party on their birthday. Honey if you can't handle drinking then that should be enough for you to stop drinking. If you really care about this guy then you will go to the party and make it the best birthday that he has ever had, minus the drinking, fighting and saying mean things to him because in the end if you carry on the way you are with the drink in you then you will lose him.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (25 February 2010):
 No he is not being inconsiderate - do you really expect him to stop going out with friends, celebrating his birthdays...all because you cannot handle your drink? Just because you cannot handle your drink does not mean that he has to sacrifice socializing with his friends just to keep you happy.
Believe it or not but you can actually go out and have fun, and not drink. It is not about going out and getting drunk - it should be about going out with friends and having a good time. And this is possible without alcohol!
You either need to learn your limits - because after all you can just have 1 or 2 drinks and leave it there, so you are not drunk yet you still feel like you are able to join in with everyone else.
If you are not able to do that and have to binge drink each time you go near alcohol, then just stop drinking all together. Have a red bull - this gives a similar effect to being drunk as it gives you more energy but it does not have quite so many negative effects as alcohol. If you go to this party and dont drink, then yes it will be a bit weird because everyone is drinking around you - but you can still have a good time.
Dont expect your boyfriend to give up something like celebrating his birthday with friends just because you cannot handle alcohol well, that is really unfair for you to think such a thing. You have the problem with alcohol, not him. So you are the one that needs to deal with it and overcome it. Yes he can try and help you and be considerate towards your situation, but that does not mean giving up celebrating his birthday with friends.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 February 2010):
No, he's not. He's not the one who turns violent, and it's his birthday party, alongside someone else. You'll just have to not drink. It's a good test. You can't just expect him to suddenly stop drinking when you're the one who turns violent. And you can't expect him to stop going out and having a social drink. You need to accept that he doesn't have a problem with drink, whereas you do. Yes, he can have the party. You just have to suck it in. Because no doubt if you do get drunk and get violent at this party, you'll end up losing him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): Yes, how dare he have HIS birthday party the way HE wants it! Get over yourself. Just do not drink at this party and let your boyfriend have a good time on his special day.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): No. It's his birthday!What's wrong with you? YOU are being inconsiderate. How can you ask if he is doing something wrong by wanting to plan a celebration for his birthday.If you can't go one night without drinking then you have a serious problem and need counseling. So what if everyone else is drinking? Just decide you aren't going to and don't. If it's physically impossible then don't go to the party. It's not fair for him to not have a birthday party because you aren't grown up enough to decide not to drink for one night.If you love him, you can not drink for one night no matter how many people are drinking around you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): He has to plan his life around your weakness? No. You should be the considerate one and not drink at the party if you go. Or just don't go at all if you can't set a limit for yourself. Your question implies that anyone you know who you are close to, who decides to attend or throw a revelatory event that involves drinking, is being inconsiderate because you can't handle yourself when you're drunk. Maybe you should seek counseling for this. Go to AA or really look inside to try to understand why you think he should abstain from enjoying his own birthday in the way that he pleases because you have a drinking problem.
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