A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi there my boyfriend of 1 year has xxx photos of his ex girlfriend he deleted them from the computer when i found then as i was very upset about it then 5 months ago but the other day he has put them back in a hidden file what do i do i am 41 and hes 39 i feel sick to the stomach
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): When someone keeps XXX rated photos of their exes, you have to wonder why? I think it sheds a lot of light on who that person is and hanging onto "memories" of their past sexual encounters perhaps says volumes about them and their ego.
If a man or even woman is collecting these sort of "trophies" or "memories" it's probably safe to say that they have an unhealthy
ego and need something like these photos to boost their weak egos. It provides them with a sense of accomplishment and assures them that they are desirable. If they really wanted to keep photos of past memories, they would keep real photos of people with clothes on. Keeping naked photos, just is a cheap way of giving
them a sense of power.
There is something absurd about a man or woman keeping naked photos of their past lovers, it mostly likely says that they are not "relationship material" or they have relationship issues and views women/menin an unhealthy way. I understand the idea of taking naked photos is exciting and sexy, but do it with someone
you trust and are in a committed loving relationship.
I found naked photos of my bf's ex on his phone, he claimed he didn't know how to delete them - it's none of my business what sort of relationship he had before me but bringing that sort of negative energy into our relationship is very disrespectful. I also feel sorry for that woman, she trusted too soon into a relationship and gave herself away like that - she will be someone's wife and mother one day and she can't undo what she's done unless those photos are deleted, but how will she ever know? I know my bf will do the right thing, I trust him - she shouldn't have, he wasn't committed to her and if she trusted him not to go behind her back, she shouldn't trust him with those photos either. Make sure you
know what sort of relationship you are in before you decide to do something so intimate, it might come back to haunt you and you don't want to be part of someone's "collection" - maintain your integrity and think with your head, posing for nude shots won't make them like you better.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2009): You guys don't understand the magnitude of this question. My guy has my picture in his possession.. I told him don't take any full pics, together we "erased" this picture but later it appeared on his pc. He stated that he didn't have many pics of me.....that I didn't understand. the minute he took that photo, we "together" chose which pics would be deleted. We agreed. His blackberry/iphone thingy from Sprint was new, he said he didn't know how to work it. I said, "promise you'll delete those" We deleted them, or so I thought. I'm considering making a police report, because we know that men my REE are addicted to porn, and we know what guys do with those pics. MAYBE you're safe when you with him, but as soon as you two breakup-WELCOME FAME TO THE INTERNET. I've been reading up on what to do legally anyway-just don't want to take that step first. Pics are fantasy when you don't know the folks, only those who Willingly distribute their pics can be agreed upon two sharing an intimate relationship.
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A
female
reader, troyssweetie +, writes (17 October 2007):
 i agree with tommy and frank. it's a trophy is all. a remembrance. you can't expect men to forget about the past even when the present is going so well. give him time. you have only been together for a year. letting him keep them will show him you respect him. and in turn the relationship will get better and eventually he will just delete them himself as he no longer sees the need to have them. thats what happened for me... :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007): While I still feel he should've got rid of them, because of the ethical reason---it's just simply extreme disrespect to the present relationship you are sharing with him..I do have to say, Frank does bring up an excellent point about the fact he isn't protecting the reputations of these other ladies. So I want to add to that. Have you ever thought that there is the possibility that if you have/or ever will pose for him, he could be not only keeping 'your' nudie pics on his computer...let's hope he doesn't post them on the internet somewhere, should you two split. Sorry sweety, but I hope you can assure me that he is trustworthy with any nude pics he has of you, if he has any. I suppose holding pics like this as 'sweet memories and trophies' would make me wonder who else he shows the photos to, especially if he has little respect for his exe's privacy. Very telling. If you have posed nude for him...your first order of business should be getting your pics off his computer — you don't want those to get in the wrong person's hands.
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (17 October 2007):
 I do not think he should have gotten rid of them. There is no certainty you will be with him forever, and they are part of his past.
What I think is the major problem here is that he has them out on his computer, and is not safe guarding them. He is lax when it comes to protecting the rep of the women he was with, which means, he would not protect your rep either. THAT is the issue you need to address, not the fact you feel you are competeing with his past. If he can not protect your rep, as he has violated their reps, THEN dump him, and never pose for him.
-Frank B Kermit
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 I'm with rammsteinfan and Irish. I believe he should have gotten rid of those pictures long before he even started a relationship with you. You need to give every person a fresh, clean start.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): Tell him to get rid of them. Many people in relationships may feel it's okay to have nudie pics of exes. I say okay to that as long as both people are fine with it. However in your case, if you don't like it and it makes you feel pain..then his possession of these pics has become an insult to the integrity of the your relationship and is causing pain to you. When people say to you that these photos are harmless and all they are is trophies, they are not you, they are not in your relationship and they need to realize that to you-- these pics are very harmful. They go against your relationship values and what you believe in. They are hurting your feelings..you need to tell him this and he should be sensitive to that, by deleting them. Insist on it. How on earth is having these old nude pics of women he used to date going to possibly enhance your future with this man. This will just keep on bugging you until this blows up your relationship. I just find it absolutely ridiculous that some men are this self-involved as to even try to keep nude pics of exes on their computers. How disrespectful to his new lady love.
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reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 I don't know...
I see how you'd be mad. But really, I mean, it's just a precious memory now. I guess I wouldn't be that angry. I'd be a little peeved, but I've hung on to some nude-y pictures of exes myself. It's not like I look at them at masturbate or anything... I guess it's like Tommy said, it's more like a trophy than anything else.
I wouldn't be too mad if there's only a picture or two. Tell him to print one off, and delete the copy off the computer... trust me, a paper copy is going to be a lot easier to get lost eventually.
I seriously doubt he's still in love with this girl or anything. If that's what pictures of exe's on a computer means, I would still be in love with a lot of exes.
This is a tricky one...
xxIndia
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female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Since he is with you, your bf shouldn't keep pictures of his ex, especially XXX ones on the computer!! To me, that sounds like he still has strong feelings about her. If he loves you, he shouldn't be doing that!! I would be kicking him to the curb if I were you!!
Good Luck!!!
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male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (16 October 2007):
Guys like to collect trophies. Don't be so hard on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): that isn't right - cut him off - its not worth the heartache
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2007): Well men like visual images to please themselves to... I guess he doesn't want to throw out his personal porn collection. Its probably even more exciting for him to pleasure himself to those photos because he has actually "been with" her, but likely they are no more than a masturbation tool... as long as he's not talking to her, flirting with her, etc. you probably have nothing to worry about... she's just an old memory that he wants to keep a hold of.
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