A
female
age
30-35,
*issy123
writes:So it's been about a month since I've been on here. My previous dilemma was whether I should start seeing/dating a man who is twice my age, going through a divorce, and who is a regular customer at a restaurant I worked at.. I did accept his invitations to dinner and we have been seeing each other pretty frequently for the last month. He is still going through this divorce from his stupid, horrible scummy wife, and he is hurting, I can see it. He seems like he is doing alright most of the time, but there are times where I can tell his mind is just preoccupied. To give some more details about this situation and circumstance, we have slept together, quite a few times. We have a great sexual connection- which is awesome becuz I wasn't being satisfied in the 3 year engagement I ended in January with my fiancée. And surely my new man wasn't being satisfied by his wife. We always have a fun time no matter what he and I are doing. We've stayed up til 4am just talking and telling stories, and there's been times were we have gone to dinner then back to our hideout and made love for a couple hours. I also just helped him pick out his new vehicle and he asked for my input and opinion about the prospective new place(s) he will be moving to.Annndd last night while at dinner he told me he loves me. I do care about him and his feelings. It would okay to say that the feelings I have for him have developed further... What do do I say or do to show him a reciprocate the feelings ? However I'm nervous it's too soon for him to truly feel that way.Here's my new delemmia; I know things really shouldn't be rushed..but have they been already? I cannot empathize but Im sure divorce hurts like hell, how can I help this man not hurt? And is it heathly if I want to take his mind and focus off of his soon to be ex wife and put (his mind and focus) into something more fun and constructive. And what kind of things can or should I switch this focus to? I don't want to end up looking like a fool or a rebound. I've tried and have been successful with not getting too emotionally involved, just for self preservation basically, but he says he already is emotionally involved and invested with me. What do I do to go about this the right way?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Yeah you've posted a few times about this.... and ouch he's out of control here.
You are his cushion to help him leave his marriage...
You tell him the truth
"fred I am overly flattered that you feel so strongly about me so early in our relationship but I have to be honest and tell you that at this stage of my life I'm not in a position to be that committed to anyone yet"
A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 YOu need to get out of this situation ASAP. Clearly you are not at the same place in the relationship as he is. As an older man it is very likely he is frightened about the uncertain future without his wife and could possibly be misunderstanding your hook ups as more.
Tell him that whilst you care for him you are not in the same place emotionally. I would also suggest you talk to him about some counselling, there is a long long rocky road for him ahead.
Good luck
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