A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm sick of my family and some other people i know. Some of my family once went mad at an older man i liked, who also liked me, because he had done some things in the past that they thought were bad, and i think they were mad because of the age gap too, and recently, some friends of my uncle saw me talking to another older man that i liked, and they had a go at him as well. I can understand them being protective in a way, but it's ruining my life. Why can't they just let me make my own decisions, and learn from my own mistakes ?. If they keep being like that forever, i'm never going to be able to have any experiences in life. The first man was sort of put off when my family had a go at him, but i'm not sure if this has put the other man off. What can i do ?. It's making me so angry and depressed. I also dont judge people on how they are, and as long as they dont do me any harm ( which, the first man didn't ) , then i dont see the problem in hanging around them. I dont know the second man as well as the first one yet, as we only recently met. The second man even told my uncle's friends that i should be able to make my own decisions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): Ok, first of all, I didn't introduce these men to my family. With the first man, some of my family members have known him for years, and we met in a club where he regularly went, and, unfortunately, my family regularly went in there too. So, that's how they knew what was going on with him. With the second man, some people who are friends with one of my relatives were already in the bar where I and that man met up recently, and when they saw me talking to him, they came over and started having a go at him. I didn't even know that they knew him until they started going mad at him. So in both cases, my family members and the friends, etc, already knew these men and it was just unfortunate that they happened to be in the same place where we saw each other. I actually went to another bar later with the second man though (who I am interested in now ).Quite a few men who are much older than me have been attracted to me and vice versa. I have also been attracted to and dated men closer to my age, but I'm currently single and like this older man. I think what I like about them is that they are more confident, worldly and in some ways, more mature than younger men. I do worry about the sexual side of things though, as obviously, they would be very experienced, whereas, to be honest, I’m not very experienced, and I’ve noticed that some older men can be more explicit in the way they talk than some younger men. Well, that's been the case with men I have met anyway, and that kind of worries me too . But also, I have noticed that some older men are more well-mannered than the younger men I have met. What annoyed me with my relative’s friends is that one of them hardly knows me, and the others didn't know me at all. It was the first time I had met some of them, so really, they didn't have a right to tell me what to do. Fluffypie, I’m so sorry to hear about what you have been through, and I hope the therapy is working for you. To be honest, I can see that happening to me too if things don't change. I wish I could move away from them ,but it's not really possible at the moment. I also live in a small town, which doesn’t help, as it's easy to bump into people you know.I'll give you some examples about these situations. With the first man, he drinks a lot, and when he was younger, he apparently used to go with prostitutes. I don’t agree with that kind of behaviour, but I also don't like to judge people, as everyone has different reasons for doing certain things. With the second man, well, my relative’s friends seemed to think that he was only after one thing, but I haven't seen any proof of that. He has said that he would like me to go to his place, but I know that he doesn’t have much money at the moment, as his hours have been cut down at work, and he told one of his friends that he wanted to date me, but felt embarrassed because he didn’t have much money ( his friend told me this ). I would rather meet him in public until we know each other better, but I guess it would also depend on if he could afford it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): I would have to ask why you are introducing men to your family so early on in dating. Establish a solid relationship with them first and only after it becomes serious do you introduce them to family. You also don't need to run your decisions by your family for approval or disapproval or you will open yourself up to the conflict you are talking about.
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A
female
reader, FluffyPie  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 Honey, I know exactly what you're going through, I've been there myself and now, because of my overprotective family, I'm seeking therapy. I simply couldn't handle them anymore and got tired of the way they kept on criticizing other people according to their standards, putting them down like they were trash. They think they're the only ones to be right about things. You're old enough to make your own decisions.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (6 March 2011):
 You just tell your family straight up what it is you want. Tell them to leave you to make your own decisions and potential mistakes. You're right, they can't interfere forever.Be brave and just tell them how their actions are making you feel.
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