A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has a really lovely secretary who he thinks a lot of. There are eight guys working in the office. I have met her a few times and she is a lovely warm friendly woman happily married with children. She is 35 and my boyfriend is 38.He talks about her enthusiastically and how efficient and how much fun she is. Amy issues we have are normally followed up by what she thinks or says on the subject. His face always lights up when he talks about her. I have gently pulled him up on this. I feel instinctively that they are too close. He even rushed into work early to play a prank on her. I blew a fuse that day. We have talked and he now doesn't mention her name but I feel he is always a bit too keen to get to work or stay late and she always seems to be there even when the others have left. What now..... Do I keep asking him casually about her or let it drop? I am not a jealous possessive person but just have this feeling he's hiding something.... He's not possessive sbout his phone and doesn't disappear off anywhere.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): I am not sure on this one. My ex husband had a very attractive PA and he was always talking about her and wanting to see her about things. This was way beyond work stuff. He even made me make an exotic fruit basket for her when she was ill. Turned out they had been having a relationship for about a year behind my back. I only found out when his partner in the firm told me they had gone together to New York on business and he had thought it strange that he had paid personally to upgrade her seat. I sat in the car and waited for them at the airport when they came out of the main doors and they were kissing and holding hands. I drove home but I had seen enough. We divorced because of this. It did not last with her but he went on to do this with a variety of other assistants. Please trust your gut instinct here. If you feel they are too close they probably are.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 Ah she's his "work wife" she's happily married... so you said.. do you NOT believe this?
He's got a "work crush" and that does not mean he's going to cheat.... just because he REALLY LIKES her and they are friends at work does not mean YOUR relationship is threatened... but by blowing up about her.. and showing your feeling threatened by her, he will keep her secret now... is that what you want?
I think it's much better than he talks about her all the time and does NOT hide anything from you.. that means he's not feeling guilty or doing anything wrong.
I have a young friend at work.. he's happily married, I'm married. I'm old enough to be his mother (but I go for younger men) but today will be the second time we have gone out for lunch THIS WEEK... and yes we go alone... and we ride in the car together and if he needed me I'd come in early... does not mean I want to be more than friends with him.
WHAT do you think he's hiding? WHAT could it possibly be?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 November 2013):
 Maybe he genuinely likes her just as a colleague because you've said it yourself that she is a lovely warm friendly woman. This is your own description of her, despite the fact that you don't like your boyfriend's proximity to her, which means she must be really sweet and nice.
If you love your boyfriend and trust him and if he's never given you any reason to not trust him, then let it go. Its probably nothing. Dont get all paranoid and start snooping on him or anything...I really feel there is nothing more to it.
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A
male
reader, activeplay +, writes (29 November 2013):
 Gut instincts are normally, 99.9 percent of the time correct. This is a tough question! I honestly think you should go with your gut.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): Well, your hunch is right. Your bf is attracted to her. I think super attracted to her. he doesn't have a bit decency to hide his emotions for her from you, that makes the situation bad.
Well, Its up to you, what you want to do, you have 2 options, compete with her or leave him with his fool fantasies.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): Your boyfriend is a heterosexual male with an attractive assistant; whom you've met and described as follows:
"she is a lovely warm friendly woman happily married with children."
Unless your boyfriend is a deaf and blind eunuch, he is likely to notice these good traits. We form family-like ties with our comrades and colleagues at work.
Incidentally, she is a warm, friendly, and attractive female. Obviously, a delightful employee.
He may be taken in by her charms; and would naturally
notice she is an attractive woman. He also knows the risks, and doesn't seem to keep her a hidden secret from you.
She is the person he depends on to get the job done. She watches his back on the job, makes sure he makes deadlines, and reminds him when your birthday is approaching. She would and should be appreciated.
You are among millions of women who have boyfriends or husbands with attractive female "administrative assistants;" that would prefer that they were over-weight, toothless, and frumpy. Guys with girlfriends are not supposed to notice other women; or they would be suspected of cheating, or wanting to.
Most jobs require you to work late on occasion. If he is a supervisor, he has to arrive early on occasion. Of course, it couldn't possibly be work-related. It has to be about her.
Seriously!?
Well, should he fire her to satisfy your suspicions and insecurities?
Even if she was over-weigh, toothless, and frumpy; she might still have enough game to seduce your boyfriend. You wouldn't be the least suspicious or jealous. None the wiser.
The problem is, you met her. You will create all sorts of scenarios in your mind; and highly suspect every thing he does involving her, has to be out of his attraction to her.
Exactly what would you like him to do about her?
He spends his workdays with her; and it's hard to avoid your employees; with whom you are expected to interact a minimum of eight hours out of a day, at least five days a week.
I often quote my colleagues and employees; and bring up their relevant opinions to my mate. I wasn't aware there was anything wrong with that. I guess I should be careful. It might be misconstrued as having a sordid affair on the job.
Aside from you, she does have a "working" relationship with him. With all her obvious good traits, infidelity to her husband and family isn't likely to be one of them.
Get a grip. She makes coming to work a pleasure. Make coming home heaven.
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (29 November 2013):
Trust your instincts on this,you feel something is not right.He seems rather too eager to get into her company for me and something might be developing or has already developed.Not being possessive with his phone means nothing,people who have affairs usually have a secret phone as well!Other than bugging his workplace or keeping a very close eye on him I don't know what else you can do but your suspicions have been aroused.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (29 November 2013):
I think at any age you can have a "crush" on someone. You need to be more confident in your relationship. He is with you and is with you.
You need to have a serious conversation and tell him how you feel and what you think. Maybe he doesn't realize it.
Good Luck
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