A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I really need some advice about my boyfriend of 3 years. We're the same age and don't live together. We'd been having problems for several months but over the last few weeks things had really started turning around.Anyway, we got into a stupid fight (caused by me) on Monday and therefore the last couple days were kind of crappy. Prior to the argument we'd planned on spending this evening (thanksgiving) together as we weren't able to get together earlier in the day. His plan was to spend his time with his family and we'd meet up later this evening at his place. My boyfriend contact me yesterday and when I went to bed last night assumed everything was fine.I woke up this morning and called him around 11am to wish him a HT, and hopefully discuss getting together like we'd previously talked about, but it rang through to his vm. He never called me back and he never even text me either. Out of anger, and hurt, I sent him a text earlier letting him know how I feel and he told me he's been at his family's all day, helping them move into their new house and blah blah blah. He told me he didn't even see my missed call (which I don't believe) until I text him earlier mentioning it because he's been so busy. I busted out crying trying to explain how much it hurts he doesn't even think of me to send a text on a day like today. We've spent thanksgiving together the last 3 years. I'm so hurt and upset right now. He seems to do this sometimes, forget about me. This same thing happened on our anniversary just 3 weeks ago. After he stopped trying to make out like it was no big deal he finally text and said they're having a late supper, he wasn't thinking and that he's sorry and loves me. But I feel those words aren't good enough as this has happened before. Sometimes he's the most thoughtless, careless, selfish person ever was. Right now, I don't know what to do nor say. I ended up spending Thanksgiving alone. I just feel like, sometimes, I'm taking a back seat to everything else in his life. I feel like an option lately rather a priority. :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for taking the time to reply to me on Thanksgiving. I really appreciate it!!
Something happened last weekend and I overreacted, which led to me causing an argument. I realized this and we worked it out. He really had no reason for what he did yesterday. I'm so hurt I don't even know if I want to continue on with this relationship and I'm in love with the guy. He admits he fucked up yesterday but like I said, this hasn't happened only once. It's happened several times over the last 4 months. There's times he only cares about himself and it's like he's totally oblivious to the fact he has a girlfriend. Since I posted this question yesterday he's called me at 2am and sent me like 12 texts... some of which I replied and most I didn't. I'm not doing it to give him a taste of his own medicine, I did it because I really have nothing to say to him atm. I'm completely disappointed and feel cast aside.
He's behaving lately like he only wants me on his terms; as in only getting together when *he* wants to, only calling/texting when *he* wants to and making no real effort nor taking any responsibility for this relationship. We had been on the rocks and we started doing so much better. We, both, were improving as individuals and as a couple. He has said he's sorry, it was his stupidity, he fucked up but at the same time it *still* happened and it says to me that he doesn't really care about me at all or it wouldnt've happened in the first place. I really don't know what to do at this point.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2013): How did you cause problems? If you are admitting that you have caused some problems then think about what he might be thinking.I do believe that if you all have been together for 3 years now, then yes, he should have spent the holiday with you. He sounds confused as what to do right now. I don't agree with the ignoring thing that he is doing, because that is a selfish high school thing. If you brought this on yourself, like you've mentioned, then maybe you're acting a little selfish?To me, it sounds like this relationship could be on the rocks. You need to sit down with him, as mature adults, and discuss things. Find out what is bothering him, and let him know what is bothering you. Meet in the middle, and compromise. I understand what it is like to feel like the option in someone's life, and sometimes without realizing it, we start smothering people. Sometimes that will make a person angry, and not want to text or call. Then again, he may see that it is bothering you, and he is just doing it to get to you. Either way, it's ignorant. When you play that game, it is called "revenge", and nobody needs to run a relationship out of spite.Tell him you want to sit and talk, but don't text that, call him and say, "______, we need to talk about where we stand, and where our relationship is going.". Honestly, after 3 full years, you all should have a little more common ground. You all should have a healthier relationship than that of a couple that have only been together for 1-2 years, and quite frankly, this is the kind of thing that people do in the first few months, or so.Not all is lost, I think you all just simply need to sit and see where you stand, and make sure that you both have the same goals in mind when it comes to where the relationship is going. I wish you luck, and Happy Thanks Giving!
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