A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:?Boyfriend Spending Time With kids mom So basically, ive been seeing a guy for 6 months now, we both have one child each. When we first got together him and his ex (who he was with for 8 years, broken up 2 years) weren't on great terms but more lately they are on good terms and he has started hanging out with her and the child on occasion. She doesn't drive and asks him for lifts here there and everywhere. He says he has no feelings for her and he is pretty sure she hasnt feeling for him but my question is, why would she want to spend her free time, when she gets a break from being a single parent, why would she want to hang out with him on those days? I don't have family outings with my daughters dad, I just don't see the point. My kid is happy as anything, has time with dad and time with me, separately. Am I wrong to be annoyed with him? I might add, his ex won't allow me to meet their kid. He has met mine lots and they get on very well. It's like he is living a double life
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 July 2015):
 If she wont let you meet the kid and your boyfriend and the ex weren't on great terms earlier buts seem to be doing fine now, then I feel she's trying to wean your B/f away from you. And he's allowing her to do so.
Why doesn't she let you meet the kid anyway? If she's not with him and you are, then its only natural that the kid gets to interact with you so that both of you can at least get a chance to bond. He's met your kid, its only natural that you should meet his!
This is a tough one actually. This guy has baggage and he's allowing it to weigh him down. You are basically in a no-win situation here. The way things are now, you're at a loss. If you insist that he stop seeing her then she'll play the damsel-in-distress and blame you for doubting her when she's the poor girl who cant drive and is a single mother...is it so wrong if she asks her ex for a few lifts here and there?
You see the way things could turn OP? It doesnt look good. Either this guy stands up for you or you tell him goodbye and head out. Because as of now, its like he has 2 families.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (7 July 2015):
He is either longing for the family life back with the ex, misguidedly thinking this is a necessary evil to keep the child happy, or she is pulling his strings and he won’t stand up to her. Either way, if it’s serious between you, and you’ve let him meet your child, you should meet his too. You’re going to be a part of that child’s life, whether the ex likes it or not, unless she is going to unreasonably insist the father can only see the child away from you forever. I think you really need to ask him exactly why he’s doing it. There is most certainly a boundary issue here, and he should be able to see that it would be better for him and his child if they spent time alone together as father and child on these occasions, as your daughter does with her dad. Some of the time could be spent with you, some of it quality time for them. If she’s giving him grief about this, her terms are unreasonable and you should talk to him about why it’s difficult to stand up to her.
This does sound like a red flag to me. If they still get on, great. If only all parents could separate amicably. But a separation, however smooth, does create boundaries that they’re simply not respecting. Why?
I wish you all the very best.
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