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female
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*rincessnikki
writes: I am 18, my boyfriend,20. We have been together 4 years. We are best friend also and spend all our time outside of work together. Whether that be, he sits in my room watching one thing, whilst I sit downstairs with my mum watching another, or us going out just the two of us. Perfect? I wish. We are just in the process of buying a house together and this is where it all seems to go wrong. It feels like I am doing all the work and he is just letting me, expecting me to do it. I work in an estate agents and so do know what has to be done to buy the house whereas my boyfriend doesn't, so I don't mind on one side, but while I am doing all I can to speed things up so we can be together, it feels like he is doing all he can to slow the process down.It has taken 3 weeks now for the process to even begin because my boyfriend doesn't have one bank statement we need. I informed him of this a week ago but he still hasn't found the telephone number himself to phone the bank. He expects me to do this for him. Why can't he just look on another statement or another letter, or even phone 118118 and get it? When I say this, he tells me to stop moaning and that if I really wanted the house for us, I would get it for him off the internet; because it's quicker. Meanwhile, I am going into work early and leaving late so as to sort out the mortgage with the advisor. We have come to a stand still over this stupid statement. It's like he doesn't care if he gets it this week, or next week, or even the week after. I have explained how important it is, this is moaning, again, but it doesn't seem to make him want to do it. It feels like he doesn't want us to move in. I have asked him countless times if this is the case and he swears he does want to be with me. So why can't he go out of his way like I have done. My mum has even asked him if he does because even she doesn't seem to think he is very positive. Isn't this supposed to be an exciting and special time? Instead I just end up crying because he won't make an effort. Is it too much to ask for him to make the effort for me like I do for him? It only seems to be to do with this. In every other case we are perfect together. He is so loving and kind and the only way I can describe him is perfect. I am just so scared that this is what it is going to be like when we move in, me doing everything and him expecting me to. Please help. I just want to be happy and right now, I am not.
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female
reader, Millyella  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Yes, this is a bad idea for sure. If he can't even manage to obtain his own bank statements, then it doesn't bode well for your partnership if you're living together. Who do you think will be responsible for paying the bills, for connecting the telephone, for making social arrangements, for sending cards at christmas, for cleaning the house, for diy jobs around the house, for cooking etc?????
A partnership is just that. Two people working together to achieve common goals. In this case, partners will also have a life in commmon, the home life. Does it sound like you have an equal partner in this?
You know the answer. And you deserve better than this.
A
male
reader, Blue Rat  +, writes (8 February 2007):
He's clearly NOT perfect though, is he. He's lazy for a start and seems more than happy to kick back and leave everything to you. And he might SAY he wants to be with you but his actions speak otherwise. He sounds pretty immature, too. This should be an exciting time, and he should be enthusiastic and wanting to do what he can to speed the process along. The fact that he can't be bothered to even get hold of a telephone number speaks volumes.
If I were you I'd put the brake on buying a house and moving in together. Just stay as you are for a bit and see how things go. I'm willing to bet he won't be particularly disappointed, which in itself would be another tell-tale sign.
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 February 2007):
 If I were you and he continued to be like this I'd tell him you're scrapping the idea for now. It sounds to me like he isn't bothered and you shouldn't need to do all the work, ESPECIALLY where his bank statement is concerned!
Like you rightly pointed out... if he's like this now, what will he be like if you DO ever move in together?
Eve
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