A
female
age
30-35,
*inkkisses24
writes:Hi. Today my boyfriend made a comment that really rubbed me the wrong way. We both had a conversation about what our lives would be like if we broke up. And I said I would date of any race because love has no color. However, my boyfriend and I are the same race and he said "I wouldnt date a girl of our race if we ever broke up". Which really hurt me!. I dont understand ! It made me feel like I am not enough for him and he is looking for something different or more. I dont know what he meant by this or what is going though in his thoughs. HELP!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2013): I can understand why that remark hurt. But...
I DESPISE racism, but I've never been attracted to my ''race.'' I would never be mean to white American guys, I certainly do NOT hate them, but I just don't feel chemistry.
My best friend is Mexican, and I have had feelings for him in the past. I didn't wanna ruin our friendship, so I didn't pursue him... he has some emotional scars/baggage and is not ready for a relationship and doesn't want one. But, I am ruined for American guys forever now!
He's attracted to YOU because he's with you.
And I'm certainly not racist.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2013): What 31215 said.Also, why ask questions you don't want the answer to?What if he'd said he'd date a man? - you'd wonder if he's gay.Or he'd only date a model- you'd wonder if you're enough for him.Or he'd sleep around and never settle down?- you'd wonder if he doesn't really want anything longterm.Or he would go back and try to make things work to his ex from 3 years ago. The one that got away. - you'd wonder if you're not good enough for him.Some conversations are just not worth having...Does he say derogatory things about your race in general or is this an isolated incident? His exes, were they a different race? Most of his friends?What he said could be really innocent. Or it could be because he's not happy in his own skin. Or it could be because he's fantasised about trying something different. Or it could be he wouldn't want to be reminded of you (pretty stupid as women of your race are not all the same)It could be anything. Talk to him!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 September 2013):
 Maybe you need to ask him what he means by it. Doesn't have to turn into an argument, but that is a kind of statement that require some explanations.
And honestly judging people based on something as flimsy as race is full on ignorant.
I understand we all have our preferences, and maybe he PREFER a certain look, but saying I will never date a "purple" person ever again, seems ridiculous.
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A
female
reader, loony89 +, writes (13 September 2013):
i don't understand why you're upset dear. he's obviously dating you. my bf dated 3 girls of his race and they never worked out. so after that he decided, he's not going to date girls of his race. makes perfect sense. It's just preference. I don't date my race, not because I am racist to my race, they just don't click for me. It's not a rule, it's just I never found anyone that I like in my race. And what does what he does after you guys break up have to do with your current relationship....so confused. why don't you just ask him what he meant by the comment and explain why it offended you??
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A
female
reader, :)31215  +, writes (13 September 2013):
 Hi!
Maybe he wouldn't date someone the same race as you because he loves you too much and wouldn't want to be reminded of you??
Just a positive spin!!
Hopefully this helps a little.
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