A
male
age
36-40,
*lias me
writes:I left my job a few months ago due to illness and it seems like everyone is trying to avoid me, I was at my work for 4 years and made what I thought were good friends over that time. Friends which I would go out on the weekend with text to meet up from time to time and confide in. I used to be in pretty much constant communication with them while I was working there back and forth despite the fact I dont have facebook.But once I left nobody speaks to me and most of them ignore my texts I send. A group of us would usually meet up and go out after pay day once a month for films and stuff but no one invites me to it anymore and I found out that they were still meeting just without me ( they also included other people who left the company though). I messaged someone happy birthday with joke ecard and she just replied "very good". I left on good terms and I dont remember falling out with anyone, I am starting to think theres something wrong with me like I am too clingy. I was emailing a friend who is travelling asia ( we email a couple times a month or so while she travels) and she said its not normal for people to contact people that much. Is there something wrong with me? I miss my old work friends and only want to keep in contact, is it the norm to just disconnect people like that? what do you do when people dont care about you as much as you thought?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): I do agree with WiseOwlE that work friends are not necessarily real friends as once you leave you have nothing in common any more.I am curious though that you mention that they do meet up with former workmates once a month but don't include you.You mention that you left due to illness but didn't specify what happened. I also left a job due to ill health. I injured myself at work and was devastated to find that I couldn't physically do my old job. I was effectively cut off by people I regarded as more than just workmates. This never happened to me before or since.Your illness could play a part in it. Were you away from work for a long time before you left? People resented having to cover for me even though I was hardly enjoying myself. There was also a lot of politics around what would happen to me and even when I tried returning to my old job I sensed people had backed off from me already.It's clear these people were not really your friends so if I were you I wouldn't waste any more time on them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2016): That's the point. They were work-friends, a clique among people who shared something in-common. Work! It was a way to vent, socialize, and to exchange talk and opinions about the job. Boost morale. Working for the man/woman. Everyone working for the same job. Getting together to celebrate the end of a work-week. All sharing the same workplace. They were not everyday-friends. You're now an outsider. Leaving the job breaks the common bond.
Never stop making new friends. Some friends are for life, and some are just passing through. Some are only friends for a purpose, or comrades when it serves a purpose. Some only want to use you; if it helps them to progress just by affiliation. Some are just opportunists who pretend to be friends, they simply have ulterior motives. Those ex-coworkers were affiliates, and not really friends; to put it bluntly. You left the circle.
You can do the same things and go the same places, just with a new set of friends. It's not the quantity it's the quality. If you open yourself up to people with kindness and a sense of humor, they gravitate toward you. They introduce you to others. Never rule-out spending time with cousins, siblings, and lonely family members dying to hear from you. Reconnecting with your family fills a huge gap in your heart; pending making new connections with others.
As for indifference, you're taking it personally. They just weren't the kind of friends you thought they were. It's not true people don't keep in-touch. We all keep in-touch with the people we prefer to share our time and lives with. I'm not counting those who can only connect with people over a device. That's not really friendship, it's really disconnected. It's the inability to interact on a personal basis, and lack of a real human personality. Not all people are like that. One is too many. If you can't bypass technology to use your human attributes to connect with people, then you're a lost soul. Loneliness is inevitable. Friends are not a collection of faces on a wall of people whom you've never met in-person. They are crowd who are willing to share their pictures and personal-information with strangers. Like being on TV, you're open to public viewing. Your own reality-show, on social media.
This isn't true in the case of family and real friends. Unless you never take time to spend "face-time" and not just "Facebook." Distance being the factor.
Friends love you, comfort you, stand by you, visit you, remember your birthday, tell you the truth (even when it hurts), share their stuff, celebrate your achievements, mourn your losses with you, pick you up when you fall, offer you company when you're alone, invade your privacy, and they're there for you. Not just some of this, all of it. Go find some, it's worth the search. Replace anyone who falls short. If you happen to find only one, that's all you need. Most of all, do everything and nothing short of your best to be one. You don't have to cope with indifference.
The world is over-populated. You can find new friends.
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