A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my boyfriend were having a talk about being honest with each other and what not when he said oh whilst were talking about this i should probably tell you that whilst your away next week im meeting up with 'sarah'. Ive been with my boyfriend a year. Before me he lived with 'sarah' for a year and a half. They were never officially together but lived together, shared a bed, slept together, went on holiday together, spent time with each others friends and families so basically were together but didnt commit to each other. They had an awful fall out just before he met me last year because she loved him and wanted to continue with what they were doing, he didnt. Anyway she said some horrible things about him to mutual friends and he never wanted anything more to do with her. Over the year she has texted him about 5 or 6 times. Either asking to bury the hatchet or making up some reason to speak to him as in needing advice about something and hes ignored all her attempts. This time shes text him saying her sister is unwell so he has agreed to go to her house to talk to her about this. When he told me i told him i wasnt happy about this and didnt like how he had chosen to see her while i was away. He then had a go at me for not trusting him. Am i being difficult by having a problem with this? I know i cant stop him from going but i know its just a ploy to get him to speak to her just like the rest of her attempts. Im also concerned that hes now decided he wants to speak to her.Any advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): If it were me, I would tell my bf that I would prefer he met up with 'Sarah' with me, and not while I am away. If he wasn't ok with that, I would end the relationship immediately. There is no reason to meet up with an ex, that he has not maintained a friendship with. The only acceptable reasons should include you in the meeting. This might be unfair and harsh, but I know what it's like seeing exes. If there is a spark it is dangerous, and if there is no spark, there is absolutely no need to see them if it is going to cause any problem in the current relationship. I suggest you thank him and praise him for his honesty first, as you don't want to discourage him from openness and honesty.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2014): Irrespective of what this woman is trying to do or otherwise it is for your boyfriend to have already understood that it is wrong / uncomfortable / inappropriate for him to be seeing 'Sarah' and that it might upset you. Can he not think for himself? Why does he need guiding as to how to treat you with respect? He has told you he is seeing her as if whatever your thoughts and feelings its happening. I can only guess therefore that this is either necessary closure for him or a new beginning. Either way - why wait until you are not around.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 August 2014):
 She still likes your B/f and he knows this. I dont know why he's going to see her unless he's a doctor and can treat her sister because I dont know what else he has to offer. He's not even a friend so the question of supporting her does not even arise. They havent spoken over the last year so why does he have to talk to her now?
She's just using her sister's illness as a ploy to get your boyfriend to speak to her. She's trying to gain his sympathy and he knows it and is still going. He shouldn't be mad at you for suggesting that he shouldn't go; if the shoe was on the other foot and you were going to meet an ex boyfriend in your boyfriend's absence, how would he have felt?
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A
female
reader, missy_25  +, writes (10 August 2014):
I am speaking in behalf of that girl who's texting your bf. To be honest, I think she probably has a torch for him but understand that if the attempts has diminished over the years that she is trying to get past it. Give her the benefit of the doubt that she just needed someone to be a friend and maybe this is the opportunity for her to have a closure. You're bf should just be honest with her, tell her his true feelings so she can honestly accept the reality and move on healthily. I was a coward, I walked away before asking how he felt towards me. I saw the signs that I think he didn't love me at all and decided to stay as far away from him as possible. Looking back, I wished I was brave enough to ask him why he doesn't want to try having a relationship with me? What's wrong with me? and many other things. Maybe I won't be as heartbroken as I am now, if that had happened, it's been 3 yrs. since I decided to cut myself out of his picture and all these ?s keeps putting me back to square one of heartache.
You are right to feel uneasy about this but this may be a path to help her move on. If you can trust your boyfriend, it might even make your relationship stronger. But if it turns out for the worst, don't you think you would be lucky to have found out sooner than several years later? It took me 10+ years to realize what love is really supposed to be but it's too late for me to get out now because I'm married.
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