A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend invited me for a weekend on a small city 70 miles away. Nothing fancy, just something different for a change.Basically, I just went through some hard family situations. Therefore I'm living with my father and we're both very, VERY low on money. On the other hand, everything that happened just made me physically and mentally exhausted, I need to get away from this.I've told my boyfriend I loved the invitation and I'd adore to go with him, but I have less than 10 bucks on my account, and I just can't ask my dad for money. I suggested that we wait a month or so.However, he told me it doesn't matter, that he just wants to take care of me so he'd pay for everything, even tho I reminded him he'd have to pay for transportation, food and other expenses (he has a house there) for two! I mean, just the train tickets are $30 each! So $60 both, plus another $30 for food (probably more, he eats a hell lot) and maybe $20 for other expenses.. $110, minimum!He knows about my financial problems, but I just feel like I'm smooching.. Not to mention that this trip would be his Valentine's Day present - I could never match his present!I know he doesn't earn THAT much, and I don't want him do get in trouble too.Also, I doubt my father would let me go like this. I mean, he'd go on and on about me leaving for a weekend alone with my boyfriend (even tho I'm not even a teen anymore.. old school father I guess. love him tho!), but he can't and wouldn't forbid me. But I think he'd insist on giving me money, and that is something I do not want him to do (because I don't work -still studying in college-, and he can barely pay our bills).How should I deal with this?
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male
reader, Silius Sodimus  +, writes (12 February 2013):
You don't need money to show your apprecitation or to impress him. Like anonymous, wrote (8 February 2013) make a scrap book of your time together, give him a sincre love poem/letter. HE will appreciate it.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 February 2013):
 He invited you as his guest. He wants to treat you.
Relationships are not 50/50..... sometimes one of us carries the other...that's normal and ok
IF he offered it's because he WANTS to do this for you.
IF you refuse you are denying him the pleasure of spoiling you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): Don't try so hard to be 'equal' in everything to your boyfriend. It's ok to have less money than him, or not always pay your share, and let him do it. It doesn't make you a gold digger, and you are not doing anything wrong. What if you get married, and you will need to stay home with a baby and he will be the only one making money in a family, would you feel bad also?He offered to pay for you, accept it gracefully and go on a trip. He is your boyfriend after all. When I met my husband, I was a student , and he already was done with college and was working. If I had the same attitude as you we would just stay home, because at that time I had no money at all, and he was making very good money.He paid for everything from the very beginning: our dates, trips, even sometimes my bills, if I was short that month. I thought what a great and caring boyfriend I have. Then i finished college and stated making decent money and we started sharing many expenses.If you want to be so equal to your boyfriend, may be you need to find financially broken guy as yourself to have a 'perfect' equal match. How much fun that would be.:)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): If you cant buy him a gift make him one, bake a valentines day cake or bake some biscuite for the trip. It sometime not all down to the money spent but the thought and effort that goes into it.
Even a small box of chocolates and a hand made card.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (8 February 2013):
 Your man can handle his money the way he wants, he wouldn't be offering if he thought it would take too much out of his account. You've done your part warning him about how he will have to take care of everything, and now it's up to him to accept this situation and for you to feel comfortable with his acceptance. Don't make the money decisions for him; I think if you "deprive" him of that you're going to make him feel like less of a man. He doesn't need your gift to match his either. He knows your financial position and so if he's a good man he won't put much stock into what you can afford to give him. Lastly, with your dad: if he tries to give you money, accept it, but don't spend it, and re-contribute it to the house somehow (ex: spend on gas or groceries). That way he can feel like he provided for you and you won't feel guilt about accepting his money. hope this helps, enjoy yourself and don't stress yourself out with the details!
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A
female
reader, themagentskie +, writes (8 February 2013):
 I went through the exact similar situation this Christmas and the previous vacation the summer before. I am a full time college student and had been laid off work. I'm also in a long distance relationship (School). I mentioned I couldn't do vacation or Christmas. He offered to take care of it. I couldn't accept. I felt I was either taking advantage or just free loading. He told me he wanted to do it out of his own heart and understood why I didn't have the money. I still DIDN'T comply. I couldn't, it felt absolutely wrong. That is until I realized my relationship was committed. In the sense that I felt in debt to him. He paid for all our expenses. I, in return, bought him small quirky gifts he could take with him. I wouldn't trade our beautiful moments together for the world. Sure, it hurt my ego and I'm broke. But not once has he brought it up.Take the vacation! You won't regret it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2013): listen, my gf and i we are both in the same situation. i make some decent money, she is still at school and has no income, but i dont let that bother our plans. im very sure you bf wants to spend some quality time with you, please allow him and dont feel bad for not being able to contribute with some money for the trip. you are his valentines gift ;-) you know what i mean? he does not expect anything in return. trust me. oh, amd btw if you want to surprise him or as a way to show him how much you appreciatte what he is doing for valentines, write him a sweet letter, draw him something cute, make him a scrapbook or do something cute with your own hands, dont buy anything. he will be thrilled, so much happy to get that kind of gift from you, trust me on this one. he just will love it, so dont worry that much about the trip, let him pay for it and you just relax and enjoy it, after all it will be a gift for you afterall. good luck.
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