A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I really need help and advice. My bf ( partner ) and me are almost 6 years together already. I am widow and he is divorced. His ex wife cheated on him with another man. He dont wanna get married anymore because of his divorce he lost a lots, "money matters" and i dont have problem with us not getting married, i anyway like this situation too because i dont wanna lose my late husband name too. My problem is, my bf has a big trust issues. I understand his trauma from the fast but we are already always fighting because of this. The worst thing is, he is not jealous with another man, he is always jealous with my late husband! I was in rehabilitation center last November 2020 because i had a heart attacked last october i needed to recover. Out of jealousy he go to rehabilitation where im staying for 3 weeks, which he is not allowed because of covid19 situations. He argue with me and give me too much stress out of nothing! And now last night, i was reposting in my facebook a picture of my dog, laying on the bed of the hotel where me and him together last 2019, and he asked me, where and when this picture. I told him, i dont remember the name öf the hotel and the place because we were together to so many hotels and places when we are on a holiday, but yes we are together there with my best friend and her family 2019. And he answered me " i dont believe you! " he said he didnt believe what i said. Because he think that picture is a throw back picture of me, my late husband and my dog in a hotel on a holiday! Again! He is mad! He is again jealous! And i get into the moment that i can not hear this anymore, so the conversation went into a big fight! Im losing my patience on him, im losing my happiness being with him because of this matters. He looked at me so low, narrow minded just because of his trust issue. He even told me i have problem in my brain that i should work on! All hurtfull words. This bf of mine has full of insecurities. I never cheated on anyone in my whole entire life. He is not changing, we are arguing this for almost 6 years now and its not just a simple fight its really a toxic fight already and still he think he is correct! Still in his mind, he is correct and he never go down to his ego. He always think he is doing all things right. I told him, you are getting more and more impossible! my late husband has nothing to do with our relationship, you did not even meet him, you dont even know him! You know guys, i am just a simple person, i had relationship before my husband. I never been perfect in my life, i have two children from diffirent man before my husband, but i never ever cheated on anyone. The fathers of my children are the one who cheated on me thats why we got separated. But it never effect my relationship to my late husband and even my bf now! What i had before has nothing to do with what i have now! The problem is my bf now, thats hurting me so much because i can see, after 7 years of his divorced its still affecting him now, he is denying it, but its coming out in his reaction and he is not admiting it, still he think he is correct! I asked him that we go see someone as a third person to solve this issue, but his ego is so high, that he can not accept it! I dont know what to do. I am a type of a woman who dont like to jump and jump into another man when something went wrong. Im a one man woman. One reason to that is, i dont like my children seeing me with this kind of behaviour. I never been perfect with my life but i made it sure that i will bring my children in a right path way of life. I did my best for my children and both of them now are professional and i do it all alone by my self. My children can never ever say that their mother is playing with diffirent man, because they know i never did! And i wanna stay clean in the eyes of my children when it comes to this matters. Thats the reason even im suffering now, i am still trying to hold on to this relationship with my bf, but im on the edge now and i dont know what to do! Please help me, give me advice, i dont know anymore what to do. Im pity to my bf because i can see he is suffering from his passed but i am not that healthy and strong anymore, i can not have more and more stress anymore. I need a quite calming life, i just had a heart attacked last october 2019, i have stent in my heart already and my doctor told me to avoid number one the stress....
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best friend, cheated on me, divorce, ex-wife, facebook, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2021): Hi, i am the one who wrote this and asking for advice. I just wanna Thank you all for the responds... i really appreciate it. I still dont know what to do. That night, i left him in sleeping room and i just go sleep at the living room on the sofa. He followed me at 3 in the morning and he asked me why im sleeping there and i told him, can you just leave me alone here for a while, i am not feeling good anymore. And same reaction of him, he turn around with anger, but this time i ignore his anger. Normally before when he do that reaction i instantly gonna do something that he will not get angry more. But last night i was really angry at him and i just ignore his reaction. My heart and soul is telling me really not to follow him and i just wanna be alone at the sofa and i really follow what my feeling is telling me. I woke up the next day because he woke me up with warm tea and he prepared my breakfast which is never happened before. After i eat that breakfast, i still did not want to communicate with him. He come to me and try to hug me and he asked for forgiveness and asked me if we can get back in normal way again and be good again. It was the first time after nearly 6 years that i left him in sleeping room alone and maybe thats one ring bell for him that im starting to lose patience on him. Guys this man is full of ego and pride. I know that so much. But him, going down his pride and ask me for forgiveness is the hard part for him to do. So i told him, ok" we can start again but try not to do it again, dont push me again, i can not have this stress anymore. I thank you all for the effort and advice you all shared here that help really a lot my courage to be strong. I know im not that fit enough but i am hoping for the best.Thank you to this site dearcupid, you do really help a lots. Thank you all
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (7 March 2021):
 While I totally understand your desire to be a good role model to your children, what message do you think you are sending them by staying in an unhappy abusive relationship? If one of them was in your position, with a partner whose behaviour was badly affecting their health, what advice would you give them? Stay put so family don't think you jump about between relationships? Or get away for the good of your health and find someone who brings you happiness? I am pretty sure it would be the latter.
Sweetheart, you need to be equally sensible and kind to YOURSELF. If nothing has changed in 6 years, then it is NEVER going to change. The only thing which will change will be your health, which will deteriorate as a result of this man's intolerable behaviour towards you. He is punishing you for the sins of others. He is not in a fit mental state to be in a relationship.
If you do not feel strong enough to walk away for your own sake, then do it for the sake of your children. They may be grown up but they still need and want their mother in their lives.
You deserve a happy and healthy future. This is not possible in your current situation. You know what you need to do.
I wish you all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2021): You don't need our advice. Just a little bit more of his nonsense to give you that final push. That's when enough is enough! If this guy is in his 40's, or older, and behaving like an adolescent jackass; then you don't require anybody here to tell you what you ought to do. Your nerves alone will take care of it.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek  +, writes (7 March 2021):
 Aw OP, I'm sorry. You are relatively young to have had a heart attack. Your doctor is right, your health should come first sweetie. You need someone who loves and cares about you and TRUSTS you. Your boyfriend sadly sounds extremely insecure jealous and even possibly controlling. You DO NOT need that kind of added stress in your life. Let him go. Why should you have to constantly explain yourself when you haven't done anything wrong. A man like your boyfriend will eventually drive you crazy.
Take care of yourself sweetie. Theres too many other men out there to be saddled with one who doesn't believe what you say. Be well.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 March 2021):
 Let him go, OP
It's not worth the stress and health risk for you to continue to see him.
He doesn't trust you because his EX cheated. Which means he now paints ALL women as he does his ex. You are "all the same" in his head. YOU can't change that view in his head. But it's not fair that you should SUFFER for what another woman did.
Wish him well and end it. CUT all contact after. He will have to sort out his own hurt feelings. Again, YOU can't fix that for him.
Feel better and let him go.
You can love someone and NOT be a good fit. Set both you and him free by ending it.
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