A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband does not want sex with me, but his reason is nothing to do with cheating or anything like that.He told me he's embarrassed because he's been prescribed a sports bra for a hiking injury and has to wear it for a few weeks, and he thinks it's unmanly and I'll see him as a crossdresser.Our sex life was good until the fall a few weeks ago when he injured himself - not badly, just a few cuts and bruises; we've always been into hiking.How can I make him feel loved and get him to understand it's just a medical thing, the doctors have to do this?He's refusing to wear one, and insists the doctors have it in for him.My big problem is how can I make my husband feel loved; he's refusing sex entirely thinking I'll have to see him in a sports bra.I need help and would welcome some advice on this; he claims "You don't understand... being macho was the way I was brought up."I was never brought up with the attitude "Girls had to be girly" in my family, I grew up in an open-minded Caribbean-Canadian family; that said, I am fairly girly, although I get mistaken for a tomboy for knowing a fair bit on cars and DIY stuff, but the DIY thing came from when I was 21-22 and decided to do up the flat I was living in, and decided to try my best at it (the Internet wasn't like it is now in 2004) using just the Internet and libraries to do DIY on a budget; at first I hated it and it was a chore, but then over the years got to enjoy it.I really need help on this as Idont know where else to turn.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2021): I wonder if he could ask his doctor whether he could just take the thing off during sex??
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 March 2021):
 I'd VERBALIZE that you don't find him less sexy because he has to wear the "sports bra" - that you see it as if were a cast or a sling (like you would get for a broken arm, leg).
His doctor didn't suggest a sports bra to emasculate him. However, he could look into a fitted tank top (sports style) or TALK to a sports medicine doctor who is an orthopedic specialist. He/She might have some better suggestions.
Tell him if he feels he can't have sex with you because of the injury that you understand but misses the intimacy but you want him to get better.
It is important that he follows his doctor's advice. Otherwise, he might suffer from more injuries or it might take a lot longer to heal and heal |wrong" (as in the "wrong angle" which can shorten a muscle and cause long-term pain).
You know your husband COULF just keep a t-shirt on during sex if he felt the sports bra was too embarrassing. Probmel solved.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2021): P.S.
If he's not up for sex during this period, don't pressure him. It's not really the sport's bra; he's just embarrassed that you have to see him in it. All he has to do is wear a thick tee shirt over it, and nobody is aware of it but himself.
It's not a woman's bra, it's a male bra. Male athletes sometimes are required to wear them to evaluate players with real-time statistics. These bras sometimes have tracking devices in them that monitor heart rate, distance traveled, fatigue, and other vitals that a coach can use to evaluate players.
Neither of you have done your research or asked the doctor any questions; or he wouldn't be behaving like a child.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2021): You can't make a man-baby listen when he decides to pout and feel sorry for himself. Why are you feeling obligated to make a fuss about something that he has to come to terms with?
You're not his mother, you're his wife. Step-back and leave it alone!
If it's a health issue and he's too "Mr. Macho" he can't follow doctor's orders; he'll learn this foolishness is only going to prolong his illness, or it could get progressively worse.
Unless we come and hold him down and force him to wear it; there's no advice we can give people to force people to do things. That's not why we're here.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (7 March 2021):
 I recall a post very similar to this one a few months back.
All you can do is tell him he has only got to wear it for a few weeks to get him on the road to recovery, then he can stop wearing it.
Tell him the doctors have got his best interests at heart, and have not got in for him.
He has to wear it for a few weeks, but he is acting like he has been told he has got to wear it for a few years.
He needs to get over it, suck it up, wear the appropriate items prescribed for a few weeks, then he can ditch the thing.
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