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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend is extremely lazy and has no ambitions in life. He doesn't do his schoolwork, puts everything off till last minute, has no eagerness to do anything. When I come over his house, usually I would want to go somewhere but he will instead want to lay down in his bed or play video games and do nothing else. He never takes me out anymore. Things just don't seem as fun as they were, because he puts absolutely no effort and everything is last minute, so it seems ingenious. He's so lazy that when he gets up in the morning he doesn't even brush his teeth sometimes. One time, he went a week without brushing his teeth just because he had no toothpaste. He was too lazy to go out and buy some. He usually has good hygiene too.. He's lazy to take out his dog (we don't live together), too lazy to work out (he's gained weight), too lazy to do schoolwork. It's turning me off and I'm getting TIRED of constantly being taken for granted, ignored for days for his video games (when a new one comes out, I don't hear from him for a day). He's a game addict. I tried liking video games to understand him but too much is too much. He even bought a super gaming computer which I'm sure he'd rather keep than me. What do I do?? I love the guy, I've spent 2 years with him. I didn't know inside him was this lazy, disgusting bum. He never was like this. Now his hygiene is an issue, his sleeping schedule is f*cked up because of his night shift job and I just feel like *I* want to be taken care of for the first time in a long time. What do I do?? I don't want to break up. Last time I told him to shape up, he immediately did. Nowadays it's like he won't even take me seriously. Please help :(
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female
reader, heatherd4987  +, writes (28 December 2012):
I hate to tell you, but video games are obviously his passion. If you can't share in that passion then it's time for you to move on. As far as his hygiene, it seems to be reflective of his depression. He is obviously unhappy with the path his life is following and wants something different. Instead of being judgemental, try walking to him and expressing your concerns. Ask him what he wants to do for a living and what his dreams are and help him to get set on that path. The problem with relationships today is that once one person shows signs of weakness and ambition the other person immediately turns to ridding themselves of what seems to be a burden. If you truly love him then you will make the effort to understand him and share your feelings on the situation. If you cannot make that effort then you need to make your exit. Merely trying to show interest in his interests aren't enough. You need to be the one to help him. Be supportive and drive him.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 November 2011):
 he is what he is.
are you in love with him as he is or his potential?
if it's potential time to go.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 November 2011):
Sounds like your boyfriend needs to be dumped. In my experience, a lot of women seem to be far better at seeing a man's 'potential', rather than the reality. You seem to think that he can change, or that he'll change for you. It's painfully clear that he won't change - ever. Now he knows full well that you'll take his treatment, because you're not willing to dump. But, that is precisely what you need to do with him. He's lazy, he's got bad hygiene, he ignores you and he has no real ambition. You are wasting your life with him.
This man carries a 'dump him' rating around his neck. Either you accept him as he is - a loser. Or you realize you can do better and you leave him now before you realize you're wasting your life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 An addict is an addict,whether it be videogames or alcohol or drugs. Addicts do not change just because you ask them, nicely or forcefully. They change if they decide to and if they find the motivation for change.
Your bf does not, because you are enabling him. You nag, you complain,... but eventually you stay there, putting up with his lazy ways and his foul breath.
You should find the courage to break up . Maybe this will give him the motivation to see that what he does has bad consequences, and will make him want to change.
Or maybe not, he'll decide that you are not worth the effort. In which case, no big loss- why do you have to settle for a lazy disgusting bum ??
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (16 November 2011):
It sounds like you do want to break up, but feel worried because you think 2 years is a long time together, and you think you won't meet any one else.
2 years is nothing, better than wasting 20 years of your life with the wrong person.
You will meet someone new, someone with the qualities you (and many) women find attractive in men.
Put this down to age and maturity, and end things. Your life will only get better.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (16 November 2011):
 You can't make him change, and will drive yourself insane waiting for it to happen. You say you love him, but really, there isn't much left to love is there! He probably is the way that he is due to his shift work, and those games are definitely addictive, and turn the gamers into zombies. But all that is not your responsibility, and making ultimatums isn't the way to go.
Its time to move on from him. If he really wants to, he'll get his act together, and come after you. If not, at least you will save yourself any further wasted frustrations. I don't know what else to advise, sorry. xx
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (16 November 2011):
 Now that he doesn't have the thrill of the chase, he's let himself drift. He knows he has you and that you love him and will not leave him, despite how he is. He's cashing in on that and taking you for granted.
Ask him to shape up or ship out. Doesn't look like his behavior will change, because he seems to be chronically lazy. If he realizes that his attitude is troubling you so much, he might attempt to change, but who knows?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2011): He will never change unless he wants to himself. You have to decide for yourself whether you are willing to put up with his behavior or whether you think you would be better off with someone else.
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