A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfrind of four years and has told me he thinks he is gay. We have a child together. I have told him to go and speak to someone but he wont he said he is confused. What can i do to help? I dont want to lose him but i dont want him to be unhappy. Is this common in some men? I dont think he is gay i think he is very confused and maybe a bit depressed. What can i do?
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female
reader, lildeesbg  +, writes (19 January 2007):
 I most commend you on how your handling this situation ! with that said, he has to speak with someone and thats it!he cant drop a bomb like that on you and leave it alone. He has a responsibility to you and his child to start dealing with his problems no matter if he is gay, depressed or confused. He has to help himself in order to do right by you and your child, because that is who he is effecting most with this. Be there for him emotionally, because he is going through something right now but be strong and demand that he start dealing with this issue professionally!
~dee
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (18 January 2007):
 I think CD gave you great advice. I also just want to touch base with you and tell you that I think you're reacyting incredibly well. You must be a really great girlfriend to prioritize your boyfriends happiness the way you do. A lot of girls would freak out. But you're staying strong.
The most crucial thing, I think, is to HELP him right now and keep him strong. You have a child together. If it turns out your boyfriend is gay, he can still be part of the family. I think right now he needs you to be a little less 'lover' and a little more 'best friend'. With your support he'll probably feel much better as he goes through this identity crisis.
It could be that he's not gay and simply confused about himself. Maybe he's not very comfortable in his own skin and this is an explanation as to why that is. There are all kinds of possibilities. Therapy might help, a hotline might help. Some time for him to be by himself and take a look at what he really wants might help.
You're being a great, supportive girlfriend.
I wish you both luck.
xxIndia
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (18 January 2007):
 First of all well done for coping in such a mature and sensible way. You may be right that your boyfriend is just depressed or perhaps he really is gay but whichever it is you're right that he needs to talk to someone who isn't you about it. Maybe he's scared of making the first step. Try writing down the name of a gay helpline for him and tell him to give them a call if he needs some support. Other than that all you can do is give him time and space to work it out.
CD
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A
male
reader, Blue Rat +, writes (18 January 2007):
Firstly, does he really think he might be gay or is he just experience a bi-sexual attraction to other men - something purely sexual, but which could never be emotional too? A great many men experience bi-sexual urges (far far more than would ever openly admit to it). Some act on those urges, some don't. Sometimes they pass, sometimes they don't. In the first instance I think it's crucial to understand if he really does think he might be gay, rather than bi-sexual. I know this is rather a basic test, but does he still fundamentally fancy you - and other women for that matter. If so, he must be bi-sexual at most (or least, depending how you look at it!). Secondly, why does he think he might be gay? What is he confused and depressed about? It's strange that he won't talk to someone about it, because he has had the courage and honesty to tell you how he feels and that must have been incredibly difficult for him. Your own reaction seems very positive and helpful too in that you want to help, not judge. You have a relationship and a young child to think about too, so this is undoubtedly a very difficult situation, but both of your approaches so far at least give some grounds for optimism.To start with though, I think you need to establish whether he really is gay and not simply experiencing some very common bi-sexual urges. Then go from there.Hope this helps you - even just a little!Good luck
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