A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year.We connect so well in everything. He challenges me intellectually, is fun, sweet, affectionate.The thing is, he is as unromantic as a person can be.As an example, he lives right across the street from a huge field, with dozens, if not hundreds of rose bushes, dandelions, you know, those kinds of plants that get well everywhere. I started by dropping the hint that it was such a waste to let all those roses die on the street. Then a week after I said I love roses. Another day I jokingly said the next time I saw him, he had to have one of those to give me. And finally I straight up asked for one. He said he wasn't going "to go kill a flower just to give me". He wasn't joking. Romantic.Now, this is his normal behavior. And mine. I usually start by dropping little hints, and then I try everything (asking, joking, begging, saying pretty pretty please) and nothing ever happens.He always says he loves me and just wants to make me happy. I feel so. He is sweet, kisses me, cuddles, holds me. But I never had as much as a street daisy being handed to me. He knows what I like. I never, ever asked for presents or anything expensive or troublesome; dinner at his place, even if it is a frozen pizza, with some candles and music; a surprise bubble bath; a pic nic at sunset.I do those things. When I know he likes something, I do it. I know he loves Dr. Who, so last week I found a post card Dr Who themed and mailed it to his place. It cost me 1 buck and 15 minutes of my time. He was so happy and said it was unexpected and sweet. I think it was a fair deal.I know most guys aren't that romantic, but I've literally asked for gestures, and not even then.If he was any other guy, I would have dumped him by now. The thing is, besides this, I'm perfectly happy.What can I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 July 2014):
 But you are NOT "perfectly happy"
you are perfectly happy with the idea of this man learning to be what you want. He's not romantic and he will never be. YOU have TOLD him what you want... and he has said NO...
You want to see gifts...
There is a book that changed my life called "the five languages of love"
it's when I learned that my husband will never say "i love you" although I want to hear it... he shows me he loves me in other ways. My saying "I love you" to him means NOTHING to him... as he defines my showing him I love him as "acts of service" so when I cook, and clean, and do his laundry for him I tell myself "acts of service tell him I love him"
there is a quiz you should BOTH take to determine if your love languages can communicate:
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 Erm, I'd check with City Hall before having him pick flowers for you. This field is obviously not into the wilderness, so , either it belongs to a private owner 's ( and the roses are the owner's ) or it belongs to your municipality, i.e. to ALL the residents within your city limits ,thereby he's not supposed to touch those flowers. Although, I am sure, he would never get fined for nicking a rose , yet it's the concept that's wrong. If your bf picked a rose a day, ( or if you had many suitors competing for your attentions :) pretty soon the bush would be empty , and there would be no roses for people who wanted to smell them and admire them, or amateur painters who want to portray them, or people who want to take pics of them etc...people, in short, that have the same right as you over those roses.
Some city councils consider public green everything that grows within their boundaries, same as if it were a public park ( where you would not dream of stripping the bushes ). Some don't , at least there's no specific sanctions for that- and yet, it would be more civilized to not tamper with flowers and let them be. They are not JUST your personal flowers to carry away . If you want flowers, convince him to buy you some at a flower shop,- it's more respectful for the community , and environment friendly.
As for your boyfriend being un-romantic- he sounds to me just not flower-oriented. He is romantic in his own way... he is sweet, affectionate, holds you, cuddles you, says he wants to make you happy ( and he means it, because he does make you happy )- does not that falls under romantic ?...
He might not be big bringing you heart shaped chocolates - but that's who he is, I do not think there's much remedy to that. Men are seldom good at picking " hints "... you'd have to tell him : Tomorrow , I really want you to bring me half a pound of heart shaped chocolates,- and I guess he would do it - but... would that be romantic ?? I don't think so... You want him to come up with his own ideas for romantic treats and surprises, but by now you know this is not him. I think his indifference to scented candles and , bubble baths and other romntic paraphernalia is not that uncommon among
males,... and if this is so important to you, that you 'd leave a perfect boyfriend over that ..... are you perhaps the daughter of a scented candles company owner ?:)
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 [I first thought the subject title was referring to my Partner... as I continued reading, your boyfriend at least cuddles kisses holds and challenges you... Here I have to drop myself naked on his lap covered in chocolate to get his romantic response, and what a response; just kidding :)]
Of course this smallest of gestures would be romantic indeed, yet your boyfriend would rather preserve the life of a rose from dying, than to clip it and present it to you spontaneously or as requested?
Tis painful to wait for such gestures to be natural; to come from their heart without our begging or dropping hints! Sadly he is such a man who neglects or lacks to see how the small things make a difference in his woman’s heart :(
Although he may not understand this concept (just yet) and some guys are awkward when it comes to picking daises, or being romantic (in our eyes). Even the word romance or romantic can put a fear of awkwardness into them.
The point is each guy does have a way of showing their unique kind of romance; it could be he always opens a door for us, makes coffee in the morning, the way he cuddles us on the couch to watch a movie, or says good-bye of a morning before he heads off to work... That could be the limit of what some guys think is romance, we know it as manners and affection!?
Still there is nothing that can’t be reciprocated; even a wild flower in a field needs to be watered. Which means you cannot always be the one to give, give, give and make him feel special all the time. You your relationship need to be watered to survive, so he too must come up with ideas or be given hints. It’s only fair!?
Now if he has an aversion to picking FREE roses, does he then BUY you flowers?
Take Care – CAA
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 July 2014):
 When you "outlove" your partner, it can be terribly frustrating that they don't seem to understand that THEY could reciprocate.....
With that in-mind, it's fair ONLY that you give him a few hints.... more and more explicit.... and, if he doesn't seem to "catch on" (to what you want)... then you'll have to conclude that he ain't never going to "get it"..... and, from that point on, he ain't never going to "get it" from YOU!!!
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (6 July 2014):
 Hi OP,A man isn't something you can train to do what you want. He isn't a puppy for heaven's sake. You are completely happy with everything about this man, his intelligence, personality etc.Given all that, and that you think he's great, why let a thing like not getting flowers or showing physically bother you.It sometimes has a lot to do with how and by who he was raised. I was primarily raised by my Great Grandfather, who died when I was 8. He was the sweetest and most gentle person you would ever like to meet. However because they were raised pre-war they were very controlling with their emotions.Men in those days were told not to show emotion, not to cry etc. If he was raised by someone older, he could have picked these things up from them (As I did).I think it would be callous and poor form, to dump him simply because of his so called lack of romance.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2014): I can tell you that us men are horrible at picking up on subtle hints. Its like men and women speak two completely different languages when it comes to certain things. Your boyfriend was probably completely oblivious to your subtlety other than maybe making note of your comment that you liked roses. Most guys will remember when a woman says that she likes something or something is her favorite, but that's about as subtle as most of us get.
If I could tell women as a whole one thing, it would be this: There is nothing wrong with being a little more direct in telling men what you like, want, need, etc. in a relationship.
I like it when...
I think ... is/would be really romantic.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 July 2014):
 Men can't read minds nor do the majority GET the little hints some women toss out there.
This is WHO he is. GRanted most men can be "trained" a little if they are oblivious to what a GF wants, but you are going to have to spell it out. YOU are going to HAVE to tell him, I really wish you would do little romantic things for me.
My husband doesn't have a romantic bone in his body, and thankfully I'm not expecting any or disappointed that he isn't. Though I DO wish he would be a little more thoughtful, and remember things I like and things I don't (because I do remember that about him) but I also realize the he is who HE is and I am me.
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (6 July 2014):
Dear OP,
My advice is to not dump a good man over little things.
You will never, ever in your life find somebody who is making you 100% happy and who fulfills ALL of your wishes.
You may find a romantic guy.. who is really bad in bed, kisses you in a way you despise.. Or a great guy, who is not romantic. Or a romantic guy, who is great in bed, but who is not good at having a conversation with you and making you feel awkward when you are together. Or somebody who completely loves you, is super romantic, but you just looks unattractive to you. There will always be some problems. Always.
So, in order to be happy, don't just try until you find the perfect guy, because he doesn't exist. Also, don't try to change a good man until you find him perfect, because by doing that, you will hurt him and also, you won't succeed. At best, you will get a perfectly conditioned pet-man without a personality and opinion, who will bore you in the end. The trick is to find a man who is "good enough". And to arrange yourself with the shortcomings and find creative ways to get past the problems.
So, given the fact that there are no perfect men on this world (and neither perfect women), can you live with your boyfriend? Is the love he gives good enough for you? Is your love big enough to overlook his flaws? Can you forgive him for not being romantic, given the other qualities he may have?
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (6 July 2014):
 It sounds like you need to be SHOWN he loves you, while he wants to TELL you he loves you. He thinks he is expressing his love for you verbally but you feel disappointed that he isn't showing you he loves you with gestures and gifts.
I felt it was a nice thought to not want to kill a pretty flower to make a gesture to you. Leaving the flower for others to enjoy was a kind, sensitive thing to do.
Mark
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (6 July 2014):
Yes i can understand your feelings about lack of romance but not everyone are romantic.How ever your buyfriend sounds so loving,caring and sweet in other areas and as you stated YOU are prefectly happy so desire what you have.It was most interesting how your boyfriend remarked about ABOUT killing a flower to give it to you.When one think about it every time we pluck a flower we do kill a thing of BEAUTHY.This is a very sensitive man enjoy him.Best Wishes NORA B,
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A
female
reader, NORA B +, writes (6 July 2014):
Yes i can understand your feelings about lack of romance but not everyone are romantic.How ever your buyfriend sounds so loving,caring and sweet in other areas and as you stated YOU are prefectly happy so desire what you have.It was most interesting how your boyfriend remarked about ABOUT killing a flower to give it to you.When one think about it every time we pluck a flower we do kill a thing of BEAUTHY.This is a very sensitive man enjoy him.Best Wishes NORA B,
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