A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just need some helpful advice.I am in a relationship which is about 2 and a half years old.In the beginning things were fantastic, i had met the love of my life, the man i had always dreamt of.We moved in together, which went very well for some time, before little things started to bug me.He has a major issue with anger, seems to be filled with aggression towards anything and everything, constantly. will just get moody for seemingly nothing. Will go off to the bedroom and not speak, like a child sometimes.We are both in our 30's and i expect a little more maturity really.I have bought up the issue of his temprement on numerous occasions, and he always apologises and says he will change, i'm still waiting!!!!I have told him i cant live like this, him being moody and aggressive (not physically) all the time, its getting me down as it annoys me!He was a spoilt child, a much wanted and only son with 3 sister, and his mum admits he was spoilt, and i think that shows in some of his behaviour traits. We have a child together, who has just turned 1, and another due in 2 months.He isnt the father i would like him to have been, yes he loves them, but he hasnt got the patience and will go off getting aggrivated at the slightest of things.I also have a 10yr old son from a previous relationship, and there are problems here too, he seems to be negative towards him in everything he does, he says he loves him, but i dont see it all all, i just see endless animosity.I have raised these issues many times, have said that things have to change or we will have to part, and he says that is the last thing he wants and he loves us all, and he is sorry, blah blah blah.My issue is at the moment, i am struggling to be close to him, in any way, i dont like kissing him, i have gone off sex, i dont even want a hug, and if he tries hugging me in bed, i let him, but i dont like it, i feel i am losing any love i have for him, and scred i will not get it back, but cant see past all his anger at the moment and dont see anything improving unless he does?is there something i should do that could help? i'm clutching at straws here.sorry for the many typo's
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male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 From the sounds of it, it would appear you want to leave or easily get out of this relationship. Let's face it, things aren't working out too well.
Normally, if had stated that you didn't have kids, then I'd suggest perhaps it was time to consider breaking up.
Since you have one child with him and another on the way, I think you owe it to yourself and him to work at your relationship. While he may always have anger issues, and he may never be 100% able to control them, hopefully he'll work towards being better about it. Perhaps he needs a gentle reminder when he slips into this mode or perhaps you need to react differently when he goes into this mode -- perhaps he just needs to get away and chill for a bit. If you keep needling him, he is bound to react negatively.
With your pregnancy in full swing, some of your sex drive loss could be hormonal. Let's face it, you've been made pregnant twice by this guy, so you are still having sex.
I think you owe it to yourself to seek some sort of relationship counseling. If that isn't an option, perhaps he should seek out professional help and see if he has unresolved issues.
In addition, you guys are arguing about "something" and probably some percentage of it is something you could change. Look for ways to make things work on your side of the fence as well.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, RamAndJam +, writes (6 April 2011):
my advice is if you think he'll change then continue to mend the relationship, but honestly he sounds as if he is Bi-polar with maybe some a.d.d. i had a relationship once where my woman would snap on a dime, go from happy to straight up pissed. she ended up calling it off after i got injured. you need to do whats best for you, you're not married so you need to put you and your childrens interests first and his last.
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A
female
reader, Foxxy1 +, writes (6 April 2011):
Hmm My boyfriend gets angry too and those type of guys knows this about themselves. That is why they are awefully nice in the first few months to get you in the trap. I know I am in the trap like you and I am slowly resenting him a little bit but after communicating things it gets better then he goes back to his old moody ways. He keeps begging me that he is going to change. He is going to church even some evening during the week and fast too so I hope this will help. I feel sorry for him cos' God wants to use him and I know if he dedicates himself to him he will be helped. I dont think it is his anger that will push me away so as long as he is not violent. I deviced things to do when he is moody like slot in a movie he likes which is any animation. Talk quietly to him or sing around the house. Hang in there and pray hard.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (6 April 2011):
 You could suggest couples counseling it might reveal some interesting things and give you both a chance to talk about what's going on in the relationship and how it's affecting you. Another consideration is that he has a disorder he cannot control. I have spent the last 6 years with a man who is very much like this and like you I am running out of patience. My husband's Dad was very abusive and mean to him when he was growing up although my husband never says anything bad about him, so I make excuses for his behavior. Then I stumbled onto an article about Adult ADHD and I think my husband may have this illness and not know it. He exhibits almost all of the symptoms. Getting these guys to go to counseling may be next to impossible though, as they probably do not think they have a problem. I haven't lost my love or attraction for my husband...yet, but it affects my self esteem and I know I am not the happy person I used to be. Don't know if that will help, but you can suggest couples counseling. If he refuses to go, he'll have no one to blame but himself when you pack your bags and move out. Good luck.
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