A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and this guy have been dating for nine months now and he's a great catch. He ticks all the boxes and fullfills practically everything I ever wanted in my 'dream man,' but never really believed existed. And to top it off, when he came into my life he practically fell out of the sky. But of course its too good to be true. A few months into our relationship I found out that he still lives with his ex, and its just been slowly but surely eating away at our relationship ever since. He wants things to progress with us, has told me he loves me and talks about the future like holidays and moving in together and having children, but everytime we talk about this I just get scared and feel hurt. He lived with his ex for many years but insists everything is completely over between them, but if thats the case why is he dragging his feet moving out? He has the money to leave. Its true he would lose a substantial amount if he stayed, but if he was really over her would that matter to him? I feel like its almost cruel for him to be speaking about our future like this when he's making absolutely no move to even make his status as a man away from his ex final. They may be separated, but for as long as they live together they are involved heavily in each other's lives and our relationship can't progress. He keeps trying to make me let him meet my family and has even put me in a position where I would meet his but I just don't want that while he lives with her. I don't see the point in us moving any further while this is going on, am I being unreasonable? I am not a jealous person but the thought that after our dates he goes home to her makes me sick with worry and disgust. He keeps talking about getting his own place that would be miles away from where she is but I clam up every time he mentions it because I guess I just feel like it'll never happen. I've not actually seen anything happen this way and it has been so long. We are at a total standstill and the more I think about what he's putting me through the more doubtful I become over my feelings for him. I feel like I can't love him while he's doing this to me, even if apparently 'it can't be helped.' Should I just leave him?
View related questions:
his ex, jealous, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (7 April 2011):
 He's clinging on because you let him. If you tell him you don't want to see him anymore and you don't want to have any contact with him, and you follow through, he will soon get the idea and leave you alone.Maybe I'm making too many assumptions here and he's not involved with her but just the fact that he still lives with her is not right.You can talk to him, suss out the situation, but until he moves out and stops contact with her, you'll never know what they've got going on.And I agree with the other poster, it does sound like he's having an affair with you.Does she know about you? Have you ever met her? Have you been to their place while she was there?And there's no reason to confront him or accuse him. You just need to tell him that it's not right that he's living with his 'ex' while you're together with him. Tell him that it makes you question the integrity of your relationship with him and that you cannot trust him. No need to be dramatic, tell him how this makes you feel and tell him that you'll only continue with him if he moves out of her place and leaves her alone. But I'd say that this won't happen. Even if it does, this guy doesn't have a good track record for you to trust him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo what should I do? Should I confront him and accuse him of having an affair? Or do I just break up with him? Or phase him out? Or just cut him off? I don't know which one is the best way to get rid of him as he's been clinging onto me for dear life for a while now.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2011): It sounds like he is having an affair with you.
...............................
A
female
reader, Lexie88 +, writes (6 April 2011):
I seriously cannot believe you've been with this guy for nine months! He's living with his ex!!! Run woman, run!What do you think happens when he goes home? He spends nights with her, doesn't he? I just can't believe how naive you're being. If I started dating him and then found out he was living with his ex that would have been the end of it.Are you sure they're still not together? Have you met her?He's not your dream guy. He's far from it. He's sleeping in the same house as his ex, paying bills with her, eating with her, that is just wrong.If I was you I'd re-evaluate this whole 'relationship.' If he really wanted a new life with you he would have moved out of her place a long time ago. I think you're being played.
...............................
|
