A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:how do i tell my friends and parents that my boyfriend is 11 years older than me. i really need to tell them. i cant keep it a secret for another year please help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, uncle bob  +, writes (9 March 2011):
 Your soon going to find once the two of you become "public", it won't be a matter of the number of years between you that is the problem. Even if your family and friends accept your situation with joy, you will find that you and he really don't have all that much in common.Right now, your not much more than a young girl.You probably still want to hang out with your friends, party, go shopping, and have carefree mindless fun.(which is EXACTLY what a person your age SHOULD be doing) Even though he may tell you, you really have no idea what his world is like.You don't have to worry about things like paying rent, buying, maintaining and insuring a car, putting food on the table, saving for retirement, and what about children?Are you ready to have and raise children?What will it be like to socialize with his peers? They are more educated and experienced than you. Will you even be able to carry on a meaningful conversation with any one of them? To them, your going to be nothing more than an annoying little sister he has to drag around with him.What about all the hurtful jokes his friends are going to make about the two of you behind your backs? Most of the people you run into, while together, will consider him a Pedophile!Are you strong enough to take all the ridicule and criticism? Because there WILL be a lot of it!What about him, around your friends?Will he want them around all the time? (I don't mean 24/7, but you know what I mean)I guarantee, he will find them annoying, noisy, and an all-round "Pain in the Ass".He won't be able to relate to any of them.He'll see their problems and concerns as petty and immature.Most of your friends will see him as nothing more than a "Dirty Old Man", a PERVERT, if you will, using you as a sex toy.Are you strong enough to handle all the gossip that WILL be spread around about you?None of them will be able to relate to him, and they'll wonder what's wrong with you.How many friends are you willing to loose because of him?What about when you go out in public?Can either one of you take all the scornful looks and comments from strangers you come in contact with?I know I paint a pretty rotten picture, but this is the world we live in, and unfortunately for the two of you, it's not going to change anytime soon.I realise you find him attractive and exciting. He encompasses a world you admire and probably fantasize about, but your not ready or mature enough to live in that world yet. Give yourself the time to grow into that world naturally.Try to stay in and grow with your own age group.I know if you break up with him now, it will feel like the end of the world to you, but it won't be.Please, save yourself from all the pain, loss of friends, gossip, public scorn, and ridicule.There are many great guys in your age group out there, so please, for your own sake, give yourself the opportunity for growth and happiness.Remember, your youth is fleeting, regret lasts a lifetime!Take care, I wish you all the best life has to offer,now go give yourself that chance to grow! Uncle Bob.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2011): If you're underage, why are you dating someone 11 yrs older than you? There's a word for men who only date young girls, and it isn't a very nice one. What if you become legal and he dumps you for someone younger? Yes, I think you *must* tell your parents, they can help you get out of this relationship.
If you're not underage, have him over for Sunday dinner. They may not like it, but there isn't much they can do.
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A
female
reader, little_3_eyes  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 Why do you need to keep it a secret for another year? Are you underage? If so, you should probably stop seeing him. IMHO there's something seriously screwed up with a man who dates only young girls. How do you know he won't dump you for someone younger when you become legal for him to date? Maybe you *should* tell your parents, then they can help you if this man is taking advantage of you.
If you're not underage, just bring him to sunday dinner, who cares, they won't like it but there's nothing they can do if you're an adult.
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A
female
reader, girlwhoneedshelp  +, writes (7 March 2011):
 I am a little worried for you to be completely honest. Dating a man so much older than you would not be a big issue if you weren't so young. However, I may be completely wrong as you could be the most mature 16-17 on the planet. The fact that you aren't telling your parents proves that you know what you're doing isn't altogether right.
If you really love this man and can see yourself having a real future then you need to tell your parents. At your age your heart is very eager to experience everything and change it's mind so just be careful. This man is at a stage in his life where children and marriage could be on the cards but you mustn't be rushed into anything. Don't feel you need to act more adult to suit your partner. He knows your age (I hope) and should respect that. Also, if you still live with your parents you should respect whatever decision they make. If they don't want him in their home then you must abide by this as it may come as quite a shock to them.
Take care.
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