A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone I just have a quick question...so my boyfriend and I of about 4 years are very serious and live together and all that. We have both made mistakes in this relationship to kind of hinder the trust but we have buikt it back up and been doing great for a while...so here's my issue...I know all his friends and yes he has some girls as friends but they don't talk except the occasional small talk or if we see someone out, mainly there girls we went to high school with..no big deal. So recently this girl let's call her ash, has texted him asking him random things like if he knows someones number or something insignificant like that. I didn't give any of it a second thought until this morning as were laying in bed he gets a text which is abnormal and I say what was that and he says nothing and goes back to sleep then as he's getting ready for work he gets another text which I also ask about and he says it ash asking me for something. And I say why does she keep doing that and he's I dunu I took something to her the other day...and that was a red flag to me...he never told me that..and he blurted it out and then acted overly casual about it. I asked why I hadn't heard of this until now and he shrugged...this is insane to me now by this point. First we tell each other everything so normally he would have told me he was going and why and so on..second this ash girl isn't one of the above mentioned high school friends that I know..third iv never heard him even talk about her until recently and she's one of his friends cousins so in his mind that makes it all okay. Well to me its not okay but only because he didn't tell me about it. And he knows if he would've told me he was going that I wouldn't have cared...so after he left for work I laid here and thought about it and decided to text him. I said "you going to a girls house without telling me bothers me a lot." I wasn't trying to fight with him or anything. And he said sorry it wasn't like that. And before I could finish my reply he said she has a man and a kid...so to me he was getting defensive about it..I just said back that he wouldn't like if it was the other way around and that her having a kid and a boyfriend doesn't matter to me, and that it just seemed like he was purposely hiding this from me..to which he replied I love you and only you and only want you..and I said ok and he said don't I trust him???...well iv yet to reply even though the answer is a yes I do trust him...this all just seemed strange to me...so my actual question is does it seem weird to anyone else or am I letting my imagination and pms get to me? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 March 2011):
 This has nothing to do with pms. The amount of detail and thought you put into writing this is mildly concerning. I know it's easy to fall into a schedule when you live together, so when he deviates from it slightly it can feel odd. But like Dirtball says, I don't think it means anything at all. It was probably absolutely nothing. Don't start a huge fight over it. Unless he has a history of cheating, I think you're reading waaaay too much into this. If she was texting for several days in a row at weird hours, it might be a little more concerning. But think about it, if he was cheating do you think he'd tel, you it was her texting? Do you think he'd be open about going to her house? In fact do you even know he went to her house and not work or something? Don't let your imagination get the best of you.
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (7 March 2011):
 You're letting your imagination get the better of you. You're also very controlling if you need to know every minute detail of his day. It's highly probable that he didn't mention it because it wasn't important to him. That actually seems more likely than the alternative given what you've said.
For the record, this kind of thing is best discussed in person, not via text.
My gut tells me he wasn't hiding this, he just ommitted it because it truely didn't matter to him.
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