A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi.So iv been with my boyfriend for 5 years this year and during the 2nd year we was together he started hitting me everytime we argued.The thing is...He said i go on and on and thats what makes him hit me. And he carried on until i cry or until he has hurt me alot then walks away...But always comes back for another say.i dont know what to do. I cant tell my parents cause i know they will kill him so thats out of the question. Im so scared to go to someone or phone someone cause i know he will find out and then he wont stop.Iv had so many people say to me...Just in a random convesation....'If your bf ever hurts you then tell me and ill sort him out'...Im so tempted to go to those people and tell them but i know that will make things worse.Iv tried talking to him and he said that its my fault that he hits me...And then he says things like he dont know why he hits me and he needs help.....Other times he just walks out. I dont know whats going around him his head.When he hits me i just really want to hit him back but i know im not strong enough to do it. And i love him so thats another reason i wont hit him back...But sometimes i push him away and i might catch him wrong and he just gets worser.Oh god im so scared right now cause i dont know what to do. I feel that its all my fault. I should have listend to my grandad when he told me the once..Before he died...to find someone else cause hes no good for me. And grandad was right and i didnt listen. How stupid was i. And now its come to this and im just really scared.Please can someone give me some advice on what to do.Is there anyone i can contact on live help online? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2011): It is not ur fault blieve me. i was in a relationship where my ex put his hands on me as well n i put up wit it 4 a long time. but i got strong n sed no more i am worthy n i can do 100 times better. please get out while u can he wll never stop it will get worst if u love urself enough find help! there r shelters, u can call the batter women hotline, tell a friend, anything just dont stay in this relationship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010): Please keep in touch and let us know how you are. We are all really worried about you.
Best of luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): First things first. This is NOT your fault.
Secondly: You are NOT stupid.
You have done nothing wrong and no one deserves to be treated like that.
You really need to get out of this situation NOW. He's not in control and worse, he doesn't even feel that bad about loosing control. I think you're a smart girl, and it's great that you're asking how to get out and what to do, rather than how you can change him for the better.
I know you're scared, but you'll be ok. I know you love him and this is making iut even harder, but for your own sake, you need to protect yourself.
You can call women's refuge as vintage64 says: 0808 2000 247
Their website has a step by step process of how to get out of such a situation safely which I think will help you: http://refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/
Hidden hurt is another website which help support those going through domestic violence: www.hiddenhurt.co.uk
SupportLine: 01708 765200 for anyone going through numerous issues including domestic violence. ]
I know you're scared he'll find out you called someone, but you could use a friend's phone... Or a phone box.
Look up a few different supports on the internet.... But delet your web-history afterwards... We want to avoid anything that could make him mad.
If all else fails tell your parents, I know they'll hate him and that's not what you want... But they will be able to protect you and will make sure that this doesn't go on.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 September 2010):
 Please honey ,listen to Q and Vintage and get out of there - now.
Once you have removed yourself from the situation, if you want you can post here , or send a PM to the Aunts, and we can talk about the hows and whys and if this mess can be fixed, etc.etc.
But now, please, just leave. This is dangerous.
Go back to your parents. There's no shame in telling them the truth, what are parents for if not for helping their kids ? Or, if you can, go to your friends. Or,contact :
England shelter.org.uk, they can get you the list of the women's shelter in your area.
Also :
www.lwa.org.uk, they find accomodations for women who are abused or at risk of being abused.
Or, your local priest or minister may be able to refer you for free,safe accomodation.
I know leaving is difficult emotionally. Emotional support ,once you have left, is always available , here on Dc, or from free helplines (The Samaritans, and many others ). You'll make it through.But first , you need to leave. ASAP.
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A
male
reader, RIKI93dw +, writes (11 September 2010):
I'm sorry but there is never an excuse for a guy hitting there girlfriend you are best of leaving him before this gets worse as you said he carries on until you cry or are hurt what if he goes on until your in hospital, you said that he said it's your fault that he does this that is never true in any case of guys hitting girls It is only ever his fault he's the one hitting you. Personnally I cannot stand guys hitting girls and if I see it happen I make it very clear to them that what there doing is very very wrong. the best thing you could do is leave him because if you stay with him you would look weak to him and anyone else who knows about this and the beatings could get worse but if you leave him you would be brave and very strong for not putting up with it and his stupid excuse, I know that this would be scary for you but trust me it would be better for you and if you do decide to leave then the scars of this will heal alot quicker.
I hope this helps you
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): Sorry it wouldn't let me post the email address but if you go the link it's on there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): Contact the freephone 24 hour National Domestic Violence Helpline
run in partnership between Women's Aid and Refuge
CALL: 0808 2000 247
EMAIL: [email address blocked]*
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): I know how scary this is, I was married to a man years ago that hit me, getting away from him is probably this scariest thing you will do, I understand you not wanting to tell you parents, I didn't tell mine, but at the time they lived in a different country, so I couldn't go home, but I packed a bag and went and stayed with friends.
You can do this, you can get away from him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): As Q says you need to get away from this guy, and stop listening to the crap he is telling you, it is NEVER your fault that he is hitting you. Don't hit him back, as you say it makes him worse, you need to put space between the two of you. Leave him, if you life with him move out, if he is a boyfriend break up with him. Don't feel bad for not listening to your Granddad he could see what type of man he is, he was older and you wanted to believe that he was wrong, the fact is he wasn't.
Here's a link for you to get help http://www.womensaid.org.uk/
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