A
female
age
41-50,
*2106
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years....he hates affection. I on the other hand am very, very affectionate. We are both in our early 30's and there have been talks about getting married in the future but I'm not sure that I can marry someone who HATES affection. We only have sex once a month and I basically have to beg for it and even then I get ABSOLUTELY NOTHING out of it, no kissing, no foreplay, he doesn't even touch me....my question is should I seriously reconsider this relationship? He seems to think that I base our relationship on affection/sex....I can't get him to see where I'm coming from....It's not all about the sex or affection, I just want him to show that he really wants to be with me....honestly I don't know...he never says...has never told me he loves me, all he says is that I should know that he does...REALLY?? Help....
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 July 2011):
 I'd leave. seriously.
affection is a basic human need. not even sex. affection.
I don't want a man that hangs on me all the time but I want a man who at night comes home and wants to cuddle on the couch... foreplay is more important to me than sex as is the afterplay...
sadly you cannot change your partner to be what you want...
some people are not affectionate... they don't like to kiss and cuddle...
as long as a person likes physical contact you can teach them what you like... but if they don't like physical contact then you can't make them something they are not.
A
female
reader, Ravenbeauty +, writes (1 July 2011):
I hate to tell you, honey, but run away, fast! I'm in the same situation with my husband,who I've been with three years. I'm Aries and he is Libra. I got fooled by the pretend affection in the beginning, which is now gone. I'm passionate by nature, he is not. And I've also considered having an affair if I met someone who could give me that passion and attention that we Ariens so desire. Leave now. It ain't gonna get better, I promise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): You 2 are not compatible. Take it from me, if it hasn't improved in 2 years, and you're having doubts already, you WILL be in an unhappy marriage if you continue. Don't be like so many of these couples who marry thinking things will get better and they live out their years in unhappiness..or at best comfortable numbness.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 May 2011):
two years and no affection?
it's a no brainer for me.
I would so be gone...
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A
female
reader, Ravenbeauty +, writes (10 May 2011):
I'm in the same boat as you. When I met my husband three years ago, he faked affection. Being an Aries, I took it as how he really was. Not! Now I'm married to a man who I have to beg to be held, kissed, and it sux! Not to mention the sex drive he has is very very low. Don't wind up like me. Get out now, while you can. I'm seriously thinking of having an affair, just to have the passion and affection I desperatly need. Talking to these type of men don't work, either, they promise to change, but, never do! I wish I would of found another arien or maybe a sag to be with that way they could understand how passionate fire signs are. What is your and your mans signs, by the way? That could be a deciding factor, too.
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A
male
reader, Sttudyo  +, writes (31 December 2010):
He says that you have to assume/deduct/infer he loves you!!! That's just a bunch of crap. If he can't tell you straight forward he loves you and look into your eyes, then you're just waisting your time. Dump his ass.
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A
female
reader, MrsTetzlaff +, writes (26 December 2010):
I only had to read the first sentence to know that this relationship is doomed. Sounds to me like you settled as soon as you met the guy. Wrong choice girly.
Break up with him. Live your life. The more suitable man will come around one day and you'll be glad you did.
If you are worried about being alone, don't be. Women are lonely every single day and when they least expect it, they run into that man of their dreams, get married, and have lots of babies.
Those are the kind of relationships that actually last... the one your in now is doomed.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Sounds like you need to be involved with someone who also enjoys giving and receiving affection. You're already uncomfortable from a lack thereof so imagine spending the rest of your life in involved with a guy who won't engage in it with you. Odds are high that you wind up seeking affection through an affair or one night stands, living miserable, or walking away from him. This could also work in reverse whereby by your boyfriend does this things as a consequence of building resentment due to your giving him unwanted affection. I think you need to seriously reconsider if he's the right guy for you. There are guys who can fulfil your desire/need for affection.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): I couldn't stand to be woth someone like that for two months let alone two years!! Blimey - he must have some major hang ups! I bet his family aren't close. How can you put up with this? I'd say it is unacceptable. However, as you have already invested two years into this so called relationship, I guess you could try and get him to open up and change. But he sounds like a very selfish person who doesn't want to change, or is so used to the way things are that he doesn't know how to change. Are you strong enough to stand by him and get help? If not, I think you really need to think about your happiness here as it is obvious you are unhappy and will not put up with this for much longer. You are either a saint or a fool!! I hope that things work out, just know that you can't live like this and you deserve so much more happiness!
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (26 December 2010):
 hi
he sounds very cold indeed.does he show any caring to you in other ways apart from physical? the thing is, i always believe you should never try to change anyone to make them fit your ideal. so maybe he just isnt right for you and you should find someeone who is. he sounds like he has maybe got issues of some sort. will he communicate with you to help sort this out if this is the case? if he cannot communicate with you then this is another cause for concern. sometimes when we meet someone we are so caught up in it all that we do not notice the qualities in them that we do not like. this is were 'getting to know someone' comes into play. you have now gotten to know him better and found some of his character to be not suitable for you. i think you should make a list of his good points and bad points and decide if you actually want to be with him. tell him how you are feeling and that it hurts you that he is like this and then it is up to him also if he wants to try to make this right or not
xx
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (26 December 2010):
 Red flags are going off on this one. I didn't realize there were guys like this.
A few things of concern: us he gay? Medically is he okay? Is he depressed? Do you think he is attracted to you? Are you or him overweight?
I'll be honest he isn't likely to change. So you may have to live with a less than satisfying sex life. I think you have deciding to do before you marry this man.
Something doesn't seem right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2010): Hi, I have been Married to my Husband for just over 10 years now and have much the same problem, I thought with time he would change and if I showed him enough affection eventually I would get it returned. but sadly this hasn't been the case and I have now turned to having affairs just to get the love & affection I crave. I know this isn't a good thing to do and the attention & affection of having an affair is short lived and ultimately un-fulfilling. I have also tried talking to my Husband and he says he will try to change but I don't think he is capable of change. Do you think your man will ever be able to show you the affection you crave and deserve? if you honestly think the answer is no I would say you would be better off cutting your losses now than feeling un-loved for a lot of years then considering having affairs to make yourself feel better. Even if you do love your man if he can't show you the same love can you live a lifetime feeling un-loved??
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A
male
reader, ljhenhmla +, writes (26 December 2010):
you really should rethink your relationship it will not get any better. if he is unwilling to show you now that he loves you what make you think that he will when your married. i was in a relationship where i did almost everything to make my GF happy but nothing seemed to make her happy. this in turn made me misarable in that i felt that i was doing something wrong you really need to speak to him and if he not will to change then you need to consider leaving
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (26 December 2010):
Affection is a part of any healthy relationship. It sounds as if the two of you are incompatible ... at least in that department (which is a pretty big department!). Imagine marrying this guy and having to beg for crumbs of affection the rest of your life. Do you really want to do that? You will end up resenting your husband after awhile. You may end up looking outside your relationship for the affection you deserve. Do you want to be forced to cheat? And, you've brought it to your boyfriend's attention but he keeps blowing you off? I've learned over the years that people will tell you who they really are after awhile. The trick is listening to them and believing them when they do that. A lot of people end up in bad situations because they simply can't believe what they are seeing or hearing from someone they thought they knew or trusted. Your boyfriend is drawing you a picture of what your life will be like if you stay with him. Honestly, I'd cut my losses at 2 years and move on. You need (and deserve) someone who is ready, willing, and able to show the affection every relationship needs to survive. Good luck.
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