A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together a year, we've lived together 9 of those months. We have been friends for 10 years, so we know each other very well.3 months ago, he broke up with me, and because he pays all the bills, asked me to move out. I went home to my family for a short while, before deciding to fight for my man, realising he needed an ego stroke and was feeling neglected emotionally by me. We talked, we both got emotional, and things have been great since then.Obviously we've had arguements, but they've always been constructive.Last night, we went out with family and friends. Had a great night, got quite drunk, and ended up having an arguement. I admitted I was wrong, he made a comment about my job which I took the wrong way, and I wouldn't let it lie. It ended up with him, again, walking out, with the assumption I would again have to move out.This is my boyfriend's way, when the going gets tough, when things get too much, he walks away.We have an amazing relationship, we get along so well, sex is great, etc etc.But when its bad, I just can't trust him not to walk away and kick me out. I feel insecure in the way that he holds the power over my home.We talked this morning when he came back from his parent's house, where he'd gone last night. he said he still felt the same, that I have crushed the love he had for me. But it also came out that he is feeling insecure about my first serious boyfriend, who I unfortunately still have contact with because I work at his family's company. There are no feelings from either side, it ended 5-6 years ago, but my boyfriend is convinced his family are trying to get us back together. Which is very far from the truth, my ex is settled with a girl who is having his baby.He also has a problem with my job in the fact that it is in a club, and he has seen guys make moves on me - totally deflected by myself though, I am fiercelt faithful to my boyfriend, and haven't even so much as looked at another guy in that way.I think this is the real reason for the arguement last night, I felt provoked by my boyfriend and stupidly took the bait. He's now blaming it on me.I love him, and he loves me. Like I've said, when it's good, its great, and the bad times come along once in a blue moon. But the bad times are horrible, he's hot headed, and stubborn.What do I do? He's now out of the country for 10 days working, so we both have time to think. But I know he will be stewing, thinking in his head about me at work, my ex around, guys coming onto me, and it will wind him up. Do I let him come to me? Do I go to him? I don't want to grovel but I want to fix this and whatever his insecurities are. I don't want to play games, or issue ultimatums or anything.
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at work, broke up, crush, drunk, insecure, jealous, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 I understand where he is coming from. My boyfriend was a bartender when I first started to date him, & he had girls coming onto him all the time. And he played on that to get tips. He even went out for drinks after work with one of these girls. He also had been keeping contact with his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend, and a few more. We had a lot of trouble over that until finally he quit.
I know how it is to be insecure.
My boyfriend is hot-headed also. We have been together for 1 1/2 years. We fought a lot in the beginning. Almost EVERY DAY. We finally got to the point where we both said "NO MORE FIGHTING, if we can't get along, then what's the point of staying together. Needless to say, now, we no longer fight."
You need to tell him that you Love him very much, and that NO-ONE can come between you. Also, tell him that he needs to STOP kicking you out, or you will be forced to get your own apartment if this continues. Because, you need the security of having a "home". When other guys come onto you at work & he is there, introduce them, if you can, to your boyfriend. Say " Come here Honey! This is my Boyfriend ( his name)," and act PROUD of him.
Maybe, you can even concider looking for another job. It is easy getting jobs in the "Club" buisiness.
A
male
reader, jm81690  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 It sounds to me like he's thinking the worst when he thinks of you working at a club, with your ex around.
Most guys would probably feel a bit uneasy with their girlfriend in that position, I personally would, especially if he's seen guys coming onto you.
I think you should just tell him flat out that he needs to have more faith in you, tell him if he really loves you he'll trust you enough to work around your ex.
Which is true, he needs to put more trust in you, if he thinks you're 100% faithful, he shouldn't be worried about guys hitting on you, or your ex being around.
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A
female
reader, Lorna.. +, writes (7 January 2008):
I think you should try talking to him more about this jealousy. Jealousy is a sign of being insecure with yourself. He is obviously insecure, I think he really likes you but is afraid that your going to go off with another man, not because he cant trust you because he is insecure with himself. Anyone can tell jsut by reading this that he is crazy about you..! I think you both just need to trust each other a bit more.. :D good luck, im sure everything will work out fine for the both of you. You sound like a great couple. Lorna..x
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