A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is is ok for my bf to open up a personal account "man seeking woman" on the internet?We've been dating 3 years on a long distance relationship, well we we lived together for a year and now he has moved away again (work related) a couple of months. We are planing to move in together by december. Now, I just find out that he had been searching on the internet about dating and hooking up with girls; he has even open an account and describe himself as single. He does not know that i know though. Now, I am doing everthing to be with him,I am leaving my family to move in with him; but now I am not sure now anymore. I don't understant how can he be looking to meet other girls when i am with him and willing to do everthing. I am starting to think that he does not love me, and that he just want to play around. I don't know what to do. Should I confront him? What do i tell him. I can't trust him.. .
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female
reader, Tough Love +, writes (28 August 2007):
Yes, a man in love would not behave this way. Let's say you do move forward with your plan and stay with him - don't be surprised when you find he's dishonest about other things. I think this behaviour shows that he's hiding a lot about himself from you and that would scare the hell out of me. I would get out now - gracefully and with dignity - while you can. Why wait until you get screwed over royally? especially when you see it coming.
A
male
reader, tomd1969 +, writes (27 August 2007):
Yeah, I have to agree with Reina, here. I think that this may be the first signs that he's looking elsewhere.Think about this pragmatically for a moment: You've rented an apartment with this guy and are splitting the rent 50-50. He finds a girl through the personals web-site, and splits on you. Where is that going to leave you? With an apartment you can't afford, and you'll have to find an affordable apartment pronto.No, thanks. If he's giving out these kinds of warning signs, take the hint, stay with your family and tell this jerk to take a hike.
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A
female
reader, Reina +, writes (26 August 2007):
"I am starting to think that he does not love me, and that he just want to play around."Follow your instincts hunnie. This guy is drama. I say dump his ass.Confront him, because if you leave him he's going to want to know why. Tell him. Tell him that you can't deal with being with a man who is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Then he'll go, "Hun, I'm so sorry. I'll never do it again." Perhaps you'll believe him, maybe you wont. But if he's already showing signs of possibly stepping out on you, you better believe he'll do it again... he'll just make it more discreet so that you wont find out next time. Address the trust issues, then decide what you want to do. Luck
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A
male
reader, duce00 +, writes (26 August 2007):
 I think you said it best yourself..."I am starting to think that he does not love me, and that he just want to play around." Hmmmmm... ya think??? Grrrrrr this is the kind of guy that gives men a bad name and it really pisses me of quite frankly. Normally I would be more cautious about advice but in this case Id say drop this F'er like a hot rock.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): You are not alone. I was there a few months ago. It hurts bad. You should thank God you didn't marry him. I was engaged also and a similar thing happened to me. Yes, break-ups are terrible (specially at our age) but face it, you can't trust him anymore. You have to be strong! Confront him about it and be prepared for his stupid excuses: he feels lonely, he is jus trying to boost his ego, it's only for friendship, he was only curious, it's just to see if he's attractive, etc.
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A
female
reader, minimouse  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 and if you want contact me we can talk i can tell you the all story i can understand you very wellbecause now i feel still so bad. i wish you all the best
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A
female
reader, minimouse +, writes (26 August 2007):
Hi. Well i understand you very well my bf did that too. And i still feel so bad for that we are engaged. We live together and we are together 4 years and i love him so much but i confronted him, he was sorry and now i have forgiven him but i have my eyes open if he does that again. i dont know what i will do! but i know that he loves me. {i asked him just 'why?' and he answered me 'sorry sweety i have done that because my friends obligated me and i have done that just as a joke. my advice is confront him, see what he will have to say and than decide. i wish you luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): What I find strange about the whole thing is that to him a "long distance relationship" means that he can date other women. Did you know he felt this way? If you are in doubt as to whether this is just acceptable or normal behavior for a man to engage in when he is apart from his girl for a long time, it's absolutely not. My ex bf was in the military and used to go away for five months at a time to all these exotic places and I asked if he had ever cheated on his ex wife and he said no. I mean obviously when men are alone for that long, sure they get lonely. But if you are in a relationship you got to be honest and faithful no matter what. And if you are going to stray you should at least be honest about it and maybe reach an agreement with your partner that it is ok to date other people while you two are apart. But if that was never agreed upon then his values are just really sucky. He just has no respect for his word to you and for your commitment to him. He has no respect for the integrity of you guys' relationship. If you do bring this up to him I get the feeling he is just going to lie to you about it or minimize the severity of what he has done and try to convince you that you are being paranoid and that it is nothing to worry about and that nothing happened, etc. But if he is capable of doing that, he is capable of ANYTHING. He didn't just sign up on that dating thing just to innocently "chat" with women, which is what he will try to convince you of. He did it to PHYSICALLY HOOK UP with women. And I guarantee you he already has. If that is something you can live with, that is your choice. But that is just offensive.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 August 2007):
 Yes, you should confront him as to why he is doing this. And, to be honest, I also think you should forget about him. I don't think a man in love would do what he did. And, I anticipate he'll give excuses when you confront him. Trust is most important in any relationship, but even more so in a long-distance one, and I don't see how he can regain your trust. And you'd be only so right to doubt him from now on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): Well of course it is not OK for him to open up an account and call himself single when he has been in a 3 year relationship with you....Don't move in with him, confront him about it and make it clear that you will remove yourself from the relationship....he is trying to cheat behind your back or worse end your relationship as soon as he hooks up with someone else...this is more than a red flag, it is a stop sign....run.
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