A
female
age
30-35,
*biiP
writes:my boyfriend and his parents are 'forcing' me into an abortion but i dont want to go through with it. what should i do?im 17 years old and im 5 weeks pregnant. my boyfriend told his parents i may be pregnant before we even knew. when i found out my boyfriend was really upset, angry full of confused emotions. but after a few days it seemed that he had settled to the idea of this pregnancy and the excitment of having a baby. We had read up on pregnancy tips, what foods i need to eat, if i could still go on our holiday to egypt and even baby names. however when his mum asked us if we were keeping it we both came ou with different answers.he led me on believing we were keeping our baby. but his opinion has now changed. now his mum step dad and him are telling me an abortion is our only option. we cant go on holiday if we choose to keep it.i feel really ganged up on in this house and heartbroken because of all the excitment we had created. he has booked me a doctors appontment for 2 days time to speak to my gp about abortion!? what do i do!!!!?????
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male
reader, freeme  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 I didn't read the previous comments so I apologize if this is repetitive. I would leave for awhile, maybe get some legal help. You should not be pressured into this. Find someone to get on your side. I don't know what organizations are available in your country, but there must be someone that will protect you.It's hard enough for some women who go into an abortion knowing they want one, I can't imagine what it will be like for you, knowing that you already love that baby. You cannot let them do this to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): If you don't want an abortion then don't go through with it, you will have to live with the consequences that others are forcing you to do, I would look for legal advice because im pretty sure they can't get away with this, its bullying and intimidation and utterly wrong..
Do you have any family members on your side that you can talk to about this and get them to stick up for you on your behalf?
Also your Bf is too easily swayed, i see your both young but this can work if you stick together, he needs to be making decisions with you, not them its your baby and they need to accept that.
Do not go to the appointment this is not up to them, its your life and if they can't accept that then you need to leave, Egypt isn't going anywhere, holidays are refundable, babies arent....!
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Go to the police!
No, seriously - this is completely wrong.
They can't make you do anything, let alone this.
OK, you just have to be totally strong: the strongest you have ever been.
I got pregnant when I was 21, and my father said that if I had the baby, he would disown me. I ended up having an abortion, and much as I love him forever (he passed away), that was wrong of him - it was a failing on his part as my parent. He should not have done that. He should have supported me all out.
Now these people aren't even YOUR parents!!!!!
My goodness. I think I would just be telling them all where to go ...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): I'm not against abortion, but I am against pushing someone to have one. Screw him. If he didn't want a baby he should have thought about that before he had sex with you, and unprotected sex at that. As for his parents they need to but out its none of their business. Keep the baby if thats what you want but be prepared to have to do it on your own or at least until your BF comes around. Talk to someone, a school counselor, a friend, your mother. I wish you the best. Don't ever let anyone make you do something you don't want to do.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 June 2011):
 Nobody can force you to have an abortion. But if they won't support you will have to start making plans quick fast and in a hurry. Once the baby is born, your boyfriend will be required to pay child support but that is based on his income so if he doesn't make a lot you won't get a lot. You need to figure out how you will pay for everything. How does YOUR family feel about all of this? Can you count on some support from them? Friends? Do you work? If you are going to keep the baby are you emotionally ready to be a single mother? Would you consider placing the baby up for adoption? A lot to think about and consider but we are talking about bringing another human being into the world, this is as serious as it gets in my opinion.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 June 2011):
 He has a RIGHT to express his opinion, but he has no right to demand you follow it.
Have you told your family, friends, etc. Get support for YOU to help YOU make your own choice and plans.
You will have to be strong and put your hurt to the side as you make a very important choice for YOUR future.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): First of all, take a deep breath. This is a massive decision for you, and you are going to need to be as calm and as rational and as cool-headed as you can. I know it's hard, because you have a thousand thoughts racing through your mind, and you feel lost and lonely and you don't know what to do. But trust me when I say that this is not a decision to make in the heat of the moment.
Second of all, sit down quietly, somewhere where you can be alone and sit and think. Realize this: no-one can force you to do anything in this situation. Whatever your decision is, is yours to make. Your body, your life. But also realize: no-one is obliged to help you with that decision, and whatever choice you make is yours. You make this bed, you have to lie in it for a good many years. Though your boyfriend will have to make child support payments, that's the extent of his legal obligations with regard to this child. Sure, he has moral obligations on top of that, but so many so-called 'nice' guys don't bother with those... and there's nothing you can do about it if that's their decision.
Therefore, I am sure that your boyfriend and his family aren't simply trying to rain on your parade by being cautious in this situation. They are probably taking the attitude they are adopting because they actually care about you and are worried whether you know what you're in for, and are ready for the responsibility. It's all very well being excited about the idea of pregnancy - but have you really thought how the next 18 years of your life will look? Have you thought through the day-to-day practicalities of this? Because while the idea and concept of motherhood are amazing, actually being a mum is about the toughest job there is... far from being romantic, it's incredibly hard work that involves a great deal of repetitive, dull routine household tasks often conducted while you're too knackered to speak, and almost to stand up!
Because your boyfriend seems half-hearted at best (and is very, very young into the bargain), you are going to have to consider the possibility that you might have to do this whole parenting thing entirely by yourself. I am sure that you have what it takes to be a great parent emotionally - but can you cope financially, and practically? If the likely thing happens, and your boyfriend gets fed up and leaves you, can you cope stuck by yourself in a badly furnished council flat, with a small child who doesn't sleep through a whole night and who is utterly dependent on you, can you cope? Being a parent is amazing, wonderful, extraordinary... but there's a huge amount of drudgery involved too, and huge sacrifices. Are you prepared to give up going out, to give up being young, to watch your schoolfriends travelling the world, going to college, having huge fun and know that you can't go too because you have a baby to look after? Are you prepared to exist for years on poorly paid work, or (more likely) on benefits, unable to afford nice clothes or luxurious holidays? Are you prepared to go for years without a relationship because many young guys are scared off by children? This is not a responsibility you can pass on to other family members- ultimately, you have to be ready to go solo. And that, I'm afraid, is a Very Big Deal.
I'm not trying to make you feel negative and sad about your pregnancy. I understand your feelings of excitement, and your annoyance that others seem to be more cautious. However, please understand it is only because they care that they are worried. They know just how hard this could be for you. Children are expensive financially - can you provide? They are demanding emotionally - do you have the experience and the patience you will need? They are unforgiving of chaos and disorder - are you able to cope practically?
Finally, go and see your GP. Tell them the total truth - that you don't know what to do and that you feel lost and confused. Get all the information you can about ALL the options that are available to you. Then read it all in detail, consider it, and think about what is best.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, mrg123 +, writes (27 June 2011):
 It's your body and your the mother of the baby - the boyfriend has a say and it should be a decision you reach together but no way on this earth do he or his parents have the right to coerce you like this. If you want to keep your child, since your also the mother and will form a maternal bond, then they should support you in that. It seems to me that your boyfriend however is less guilty than his family and he is merely responding to pressure from them.
One thing that worries is that your obviously living with them so have nowhere to go if that falls through? If you do have somewhere you can go then I think it may well be wise to take a 'time out' from the pressure cooker situation you are in. This is a big choice in your life and you have to make it for all the right reasons, if you really want the child then keep it because you know you will love and care for it. If you don't then do not make that choice because your being coerced like this. Taking a time out would help you gain some clarity and perspective.
My suggestion would be that you go to the GP and when your speaking to him in confidence, open up about your situation. If you do then I think he's unlikely to provide you with his consent to the abortion in any case. He may also be able to point you in the direction of family planning counsellors who can help you wrestle with this and help you with practical and moral support in making this choice. Good luck and take care :)xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2011): They can tell you all they want. They are entitled to have their views.
But their opinions on the matter mean jack squat legally. It's not their baby, not their body and not their damned business.
Only you and the father have the slightest say in what happens, and whilst I am strongly for the father's opinion being taken into account, as it's you who'll have to carry the baby to term, the final decision comes down to you and you alone.
He can book you for whatever appointment he wants to. You are under no legal, moral or ethical obligation to attend anything.
If you choose to have an abortion, do it because that child is still a cluster of cells, or because the pregnancy will pose a real medical threat to your well-being, or because it will be born with some sort of medical problem that will truly hinder it's quality of life, not out of fear of some other self serving reason.
No one can force you to do anything here, no matter how much they might like to think they can.
Flynn 24
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