A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has always treated me like a princess. He is one of my best friends; we have the same friends, the same beliefs, and have known each other for a little over four years. We've been dating for 3 months short of two years. We moved into a duplex together about three months ago, and I've never been happier. There have been a few times that I've caught him talking to another girl via text sexually, and more-or-less, I shrugged it off. We had a talk about it, and all I asked for was honesty. I understand that you cant change a persons behavior, and that they're going to do what they please regardless. in the past year and a half I've caught him talking to her 4 times, with the first being the only sexual conversation; though I also stumbled upon their plans to meet on one occasion. We had more talks, and he eased my fears as he always does so easily. I found out tonight that, in reality, about every three months since we've been dating he has paid for a hotel room for her to come see him when he says he is going to see his dad (sometimes I can't go because of work). They have sex, and then they part. He didn't tell me until I got in contact with her, and she told me. What hurts the most is that he stuck to his lies until I knew the truth, and every time we talked he told me that he would never decieve me again. I'm so confused. We have such an amazing relationship, and I've never enjoyed spending time with anyone like I do with him. I don't know how to trust someone if I can't tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and the frequency of his lies are worse. I can't even look into his eyes because every time I do I believe him. Please, am I a fool for wanting to stay and make this work? What if he cheats again and doesn't tell me? I am open to the idea, and I would rather him tell me the truth then hide everything from me, but he says he wants to change. I just want him to be honest.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 September 2012):
 I think you are in love with the IDEA of who this guy is and how the relationship COULD be if he WAS that guy... the thing is he ISN'T the good guy you think he is or you WANT him to be..
He is a lying cheating douche bag who relies on you to "forgive" him over and over and over.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 September 2012):
 Let's address the pertinent phrases in your submittal:
"... We have such an amazing relationship..." HE does. What YOU described sounds like a NIGHTMARE of a "relationship" for you....
...I'm so confused." You needn't be, any more...
"...I don't know how to trust someone if I can't tell the difference between a lie and the truth..." You CAN'T trust such a person..... EVER!!!!!!
"...he says he wants to change.." THIS is the flagrant B/S that we (guys) will tell to vulnerable girls who are gullible enough to believe it...
"...am I a fool for wanting to stay and make this work? What if he cheats again and doesn't tell me?..." Yes, you'd be a fool.... AND, what, in all God's creation, makes you think that he will cheat AND THEN TELL YOU ABOUT IT??????
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 September 2012):
 This is just a horrible situation. He charms you, explains to you and gives you plausible excuses and then he goes and
LIES to you, CHEATS behind your back, and has formed a regular EMOTIONAL relationship with another woman who no doubt thinks if she tries really hard that he will dump you and go with her permanently. And he just might do that.
And if he can get away with this now when he is supposed to be in love with you then over time he will only get worse and become a Serial PLAYER.
Based on his DUPLICITY I think you would be better off to find a more loyal guy. A man whose WORD means something.
AnonymouseMale1 can give you the signs that a guy is a player:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/10-situations-that-scream-hes-a-player.html
Being in a relationship with a player can only bring you long term pain. Plus it is a humiliating and selfish way for him to treat you like this.
As Tisha-1 said "Dump HIM" I agree completely
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A
female
reader, Vee1  +, writes (15 September 2012):
 I have been in the same situation dithering about a cheating boyfriend. The anxiety, the stress, the paranoia made me ill and the moment I got rid of his worthless ass was the day I felt incredible. I got my life and mental state back. I strongly advise you do the same as you are only wasting time/years and losing your sanity on someone who clearly does not respect or love you. Men like this never change and you may have heard this before 'To predict future behavior, you look at their past behavior' This will ring true with your boyfriend. He wont change, the trust has gone and even if he says he will change, your anxiety levels will be sky high the moment he walks out through the door. You are still young and there are many decent men around, you just have to believe in yourself. You need not worry about your social circle once you split, hold your head high and tell anyone who asks 'I simply wasn't happy' That is all they need to know.I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (15 September 2012):
 So you're open to the idea of him cheating on you but you want him to be honest about it? Where's your self esteem and sense of self worth? You just want the man, you don't care what he does or who he does it with. Do you know you are putting yourself at the risk of sexually transmitted diseases?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): 'My boyfriend has always treated me like a princess. He is one of my best friends; we have the same friends, the same beliefs'
Your relationship has been a lie from the start. He hasn't treated you like a princess, he's cheated on you and lied about it every time you confronted him.
He's not your best friend, beacuse you don't treat someone you care about in this way. You don't hurt the people you love.
You don't have the same beliefs, he thinks it's ok to lie and cheat and you don't.
Sorry to be so blunt, but I've been where you are and it sucks. Stop wasting time on this idiot and find someone that deserves you and who will treat you the way you want to be treated. Don't be a fool and let him treat you with contempt. Kick his cheating ass to the curb.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (15 September 2012):
 Yep you are a fool for wanting to stay with someone who you have given love to and to have him stamp all over it.
He's lied to you countless times and even when you have the truth he's still trying to convince you that it won't happen again.
He knows how to play you he knows how much you want him and care for him and want this to work so he's using that against you to get his cake and eat it too.
He likes the fact that he can play around with other girls and still come home to you whose so oblivious to all of this and then he feeds you these lies and you accept them because he knows how blinded by love you are and how much you want this to work he knows how to work you so he can still get his way.
You need to end the relationship before it gets too out of hand and he does it again to you and shatters your confidence and trust in men... seems like it is already taking an effect but you need to cut it now before it get's too late.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 September 2012):
 Well,..yes. A fool for love, but still a fool. Nobody's perfect and everybody can make a mistake ONCE, then , if they get a second chance, they have to show themselves worthy of it- and it can work.
But it did not go exactly this way. You sort of caught him 4 times, and 4 times he fooled you again. Plus he was a serial liar and a serial cheater, this was not a forgivable once in a lifetime walk on the wildside, it was a regular second life that he had put on and substained with his recurrent lies. He never 'fessed up , and he never was repentant, if he had not been caught red handed he would have gone on forever.
Plus, you don't have much leverage, by now he knows that you are a bit gullible, and very pliable, and all he's got do to is to feed you some bullshit and you'll gladly swallow it... and if you don't, eventually you'll forgive him anyway.
The general picture indicates that you are volunteering for being cheated on again. Nobody here has a crystal ball, but the odds are in favour of more cheating.
I think either you resign yourself to love someone who is not very honest or faithful, and you sort of factor in the high chance of other indiscretions ... or you send him packing right here right now.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 September 2012):
 You aren't looking at this from his perspective. You see, he likes the thrill of flirting with another woman, the thrill of setting up the meeting, the sneaking around. If he is forced to be 'honest' with you, he'd have to tell you about it and have your big sad eyes well up with tears. He'd have to spend a great deal of time comforting you, easing your fears and all that would be tiresome and boring.
Your guy is a serial cheat and an accomplished liar. I think you are looking at him with rose-colored glasses and seeing him how you want him to be, not how he actually is. He's an excellent salesman.
I'd dump him ASAP and find a guy who appreciates you for real.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 September 2012):
 He hasn't demonstrated much of an ability to be honest so far has he.
Here is a clue within your question .... "every time we talked he told me that he would never decieve me again"
What makes you think that this time he will be telling the truth?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): "Making this work" means letting things go right on like they were. He will definitely continue to cheat and he will probably continue to lie about it. The only difference is that you will be giving up any scrap of power you had in the relationship by letting it all happen.
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